Elsa Wants To Live

Sequel to 'Shades'

As Elsa dappled with a vocation that brought out the best in her, she also had to deal with matters of the heart. She met Ryan through her sister. He wasn't anything she imagined could be long term; nevertheless, her gut instinct told her there was something here to explore. She couldn't be hypocritical and say that the money he had didn't matter. It did. He could give her the life she wanted for herself and her son. However, like every other experience in her life, here too, there were shades.

Ryan was a full-grown product of three broken marriages. He never lied about them or the other women, who he knew walked in and out of his life because of the money he had. It was probably this honesty that attracted Elsa to him. Ryan had no qualms about speaking to her about his sneakiness as a child, indulgences as an adolescent or experiments with women. He was open about his inherited wealth, being a college drop out and even his intent to initially use Elsa and walk away. It was this raw honesty that seemed to pull her towards Ryan. What was it with this man?

They were introduced when Sheldon was only two and a half. They dated and enjoyed each other's company. The most important thing was that he valued his personal space as much as she did hers. They loved the fact that there was no commitment for some time. They fought and patched up like getting in and out of clothes! And yet, there was that undeniable bond. They couldn't live with or without one another. Funny. Why did this man have this effect on her? Why did he show so much of faith?

He had brushed aside her sister who had squealed to him about her being a kleptomaniac. He refused to believe any of the 'nonsense' and went on to organizing a studio apartment for her! Why? Elsa could find no answers. Ryan had even stood by her when she felt the pressures of the home and supported her financially. He even went through phases when they fought for months without checking on her. Whenever they patched up, they picked up the strings from where they had dropped them. Elsa moved on during these phases and so did Ryan. They knew other people and developed fresh interests. But the nagging 'ache' seemed to always create that stupid sense of responsibility towards what they had.

The weekend family outings, with mom, dad and son, were a ritual. Ryan seemed to be in his element around them and never hesitated to apologize to be 'taken back'. What was it? Was Elsa a reflection of himself? Did he run back because the other women made heavy demands on his time? They were by far, much more beautiful than Elsa. She had seen quite a few of them. They were well-known women and moved in society with a confidence Elsa could kill for. Ryan had even described his wives to her. Why her? Why did he want to settle for less? Elsa did not come near, forget equal, any of them in looks. She was also slowly becoming a financial liability. Then why?

Ryan never brought up marriage. The mere mention of it and he preferred to evade the topic. He seemed to be apprehensive about going through another one. Now, Elsa found herself pressing for commitment. She liked the taste of recognition. He moved among the crème de la crème of society. There were parties practically everyday. Common friends buttered her up for favors off him. She loved it. Why not live together? It was seventeen years since they had first met. There was a lot of ironing for them to do. The creases were there and could not be ignored. For one, he had never taken Elsa home. She knew that he had four siblings, but had never met any one of them.

Ryan had never given Elsa access to his home. His parents lived with him and she was fine with his sense of responsibility. In fact, she respected him for it. She could only contact him on his cell phone and at times that she had come to memorize. It had to be between six in the morning and ten at night. If he couldn't speak...he just couldn't. In emergencies when she had needed his help, she had to wait for the following day. However, she had tolerated and come to terms with the kind of person Ryan was. He haggled over financial commitments, but wouldn't let go of Elsa. Situations kept churning the current in his direction. She need him. At times, when all alone and in introspective mood, she even thought aloud about using Ryan and his influence and moving on after a while.

Then, he popped the question! He even had a date in mind. Like always, Ryan made this six-month-hence proposal, with conditions. She would have to come alone. He would continue to support her family, who were dependent on her, but she would have to come alone. Sheldon would in time be a part of his business. A promise. He would accept her financial liability. A promise. Elsa had seen Ryan make promises through the seventeen years they knew one another and break quite a few of them. Without the slightest remorse. However, she was now used to this man in her life. He was an addiction. The frequency of fights had reduced considerably. They spent a lot of quality time together. He spent more lavishly now than ever before. But, now with marriage being discussed, Elsa doesn't know if she should leave the comfort of home. Should she leave Sheldon with her parents? He was big enough and was very fond of Ryan. In fact, Sheldon even urged her to get on with the marriage. They talked like friends now and there was nothing that Sheldon didn't know.

Should she leave mom and dad? They wanted her and Ryan to be happy. They were absolutely fine about being provided for, without her being physically present around the home. Ryan had won them all over. Sheldon and her parents had, at times, dealt with Ryan's demands on her time and kind -of-selfish attitude. But, he was also quick to make amends. He was part and parcel of the home and family. Everyone in her family knew Ryan, but Ryan's folks only knew that he was seeing someone. Is it fair? Should Elsa take the plunge? Elsa's apprehension shoots from the fact that she would have to move in with Ryan and would not be able to take care of situations at home that demanded her physical presence. She would not be able to be a part of Sheldon's education and life intimately. Liabilities loomed over her head and repayments were scheduled for another year. Ryan's demand was that she could not work after marriage. Should she take the risk? Give up her job and be dependent on him? Would this arrangement work out? Did they have a future?

What do you think?

Continued in Elsa's Predicament.