Elated Memories

Happiness. Everyone is searching for that one thing…that moment or circumstance that will change their entire state of being. Everyone is searching for that one instance when all of their past hurts are erased and replaced with that elusive gift – a sense of freedom for the spirit, and elation for the soul. Happiness. Everyone wants to find their niche in life – to be wake up every morning feeling genuinely happy with who they are.

I am part of that "everyone" crowd. Since as far back as I can remember, when childhood sweethearts and girls gossip reigned supreme, happiness was always a step behind my desire to escape into adulthood. And now, as a young mother of four, I find myself, now and again, returning to that same quest; I often wonder, "How can I possibly raise happy children when I myself have still yet to stumble upon that universal key of happiness?" As the days turn into months, and the months softly fade to years, I realize that my children have (up until this moment) had the misfortune of witnessing poor role model behavior.

In my never-ending, all inclusive journey to find happiness, I have by-passed the fresh and innocent experiences that motherhood provides. Not only have I overlooked many opportunities for laughter and enjoyment, I have become a martyr, a blamer, and a complainer. Don’t get me wrong, motherhood is a tough gig to pull off. And more often than not, it knocks down even the strongest of spirits. But we (as mothers) always manage to stand back up. No matter who, what, when, where, or why, we always manage to muster through it- some days much more eloquently than others. But no matter how "ugly" it gets, we survive. It is during these situations, when we find our shoulders pinned down, that our true beauty shines through.

This is where we should feel secure enough in ourselves to find that internal state of contentment, and allow it overshadow all that is wrong in our lives. Instead, many of us (me included) tend to sulk. Instead of appreciating what I have accomplished and how far I have come, I feel guilty for the things that are not. I place blame on "others" for the things that are. And I miss every chance for happiness. As a result, my children are surrounded by negative energy, pessimistic outlooks, and deep pangs of unhappiness. Not only am I cheating myself out of incredible memories and creative moments of mothering, I am also robbing my children of a happy childhood. Ultimately, I am continuing the cycle of unhappiness (the "what if’s" and "if only’s ") that past generations have irresponsibly initiated.

So….there it is. In black and white, not a single gray are to obscure my judgment or cause me to second guess my decision. I am the single most important figure in the life of my children. I influence every action and reaction that occurs in the day-to-day interaction in my home. I set the tone for my family. And I have the power to change it. I have decided to be happy.

My "A –Ha" moment. It has only taken me seven years to come to this simple, yet intricately complex theory of happiness and its’ rippling effects. But better late than not at all. So, instead of seeking that which would (I though) make me happy, I began to just be happy for that which I so richly found myself blessed to have. My quest for happiness abruptly ended, only to be replaced by a moment-to-moment appreciation for life. No matter what, I looked for that silver lining in every situation, showing my children that life is what you make it. I wanted to empower them with the drive and determination to accept, appreciate, and celebrate life. So, I worked hard, at first, biting my lip when things got tough, or faking a smile when I wanted to pout or yell.

Soon, however, baby step by baby step, the entire dynamic of my family life changed. Those unspoken negativities soon became genuine praises of all that was good. And I found myself living my life and loving every moment. My children (the chameleons that they are) began to reciprocate my behavior. Instead of grouching around when things didn’t go their way, they, more often than not, carried on with a sense of calmness. Of course, as would be expected in the real world, we have had our moments of regression. However, usually, within a couple of days, we find out way back and begin a new cycle of happiness. But it usually takes me, the motherly compass of the family, to point us in the right direction.

Happiness. I once, as a young adult, truly believed that this word would not ever become a permanent fixture in my life’s vocabulary. However, now as a young mother having witnessed first-hand the devastating effects that unhappiness had on my family, I have been forced to uncover this very elusive emotion. Instead of searching outward for that elated feeling, I turned my sights inward; I realized with clear certainty that I had the power to change my internal mantra. And so I set mine on happiness. And although life will always continue to test my strengths and my ability to stay focused, I have seen the beautiful reconstruction of my choices. My children are now better equipped to live a fulfilling life. They are happier, healthier, and much more emotionally secure in themselves and in me. And for this reason alone, I will not go back. As humans, we all are searching for that one moment when happiness takes the lead. Make this moment yours.