Drowning - Part Two

I went to the kitchen, hoping to find a can of soda or something but the search was to no prevail. Whose turn was it to do the grocery shopping? I stared up at the list on the fridge that we hung to keep track and read my name and Jimmy's. Damn, I curse mentally.

"Hey, be careful with that door."

Before I could let the person have a mouthful of the devils words, I turned and saw who it was. My heart seemed to stop even though I could feel it in my throat.

"Marissa, how?" I asked horrified.

A month ago Jack and Marissa had gone missing. They had gone off on one of their 'secret missions' and had never came back. After Grale, I thought them to both be dead.

Marissa did not seem to notice my question but only my expression. Wrinkling her nose as her ear twitched slightly then gave a loud snort.

"Well, if this is the kind of greeting I get, I will just leave," she replied then bounced up onto the counter top, swinging her legs as she sat.

I fought the urge to punch her as I looked over her body for any injuries. It simply did not make any sense and her attitude was getting on my last nerve.

"Where is Jack?" I asked.

Marissa grew slightly pale as she shrugged and sighed softly. "He is still there."

That was it, my nerves were all signed away. I slammed my fist onto the counter beside her, making her jump high enough to fall off the counter. I felt bad, but she deserved it. Cussing, she rolled over and then stood and brushed herself off.

"What the hell?"

"Not the hell, my hell. Do you know what it has been like? For a damned month I thought you dead, and Jack. Now you just waltz back in here with an attitude? Ta' hell with that!" I yelled, wishing I hadn't as Marissa's eyes began to water.

Like a child without the right gift, she stomped her foot and pointed her finger at me. "You don't know a damned thing, captain. We got lost and it was terrible! Do YOU know what it is like not being able to trim my nails and brush my hair?"

Did she really just say that?

"Woah, Marissa, did you seriously just say that?" Lilly echoed my thought as Jimmy, Will, Harold, and Phil, all watched with mixed expressions.

"When did you get back?" Harold asked.

Phil stepped from out behind Lilly and tilted his head. "Where is Jack?"

Jimmy tugged at Lilly's sleeve demanding to be looked at as he mouthed a number of questions that were already being asked.

Marissa threw up her hands and gave an exasperated sigh. "One at a freakin time, please. First off, yea I did just say that, boss," I silently clenched my fist but decided to punch her after she got through speaking, "Secondly, I do not know where Jack is because Jack and I were separated at Grale. Thirdly, I just got back like three minutes ago. Now, anymore questions?" she muttered.

"Yea, does this hurt?" I took a step forward but as I attempted to raise my hand to punch her in her face, or should I say butt in her case, but was stopped by a blinding pain.

Phil saw the flash of hurt in my expression, he could read me better than anyone else, and walked over, examining my foot. "I think you might have hurt your big toe," he said with a smug expression. "Serves you right, if I might add, for hurting my baby."

"Can you fix it or not?" I asked, wondering if it would hurt if I slammed my foot into his shin.

He chuckled, as if he could read my thoughts, and shook his head. "I can not fix broken toes, but you should put ice on it to keep down the swelling and get to bed."

I glanced up at Marissa and inclined my head slightly, taking in her expression. She seemed tired. Her blond curls were a mess on top of her head and her dark green eyes had red bags under them. On top of that, she had mud all over her favorite pair of blue jeans.

"Do you have any idea where Jack is?" Lilly asked before I could.

Marissa gave her a look of death as she pulled her upper lip back slightly. "If I did do you think I would be sitting here instead of helping my brother out?"

Jack and Marissa were siblings and they acted precisely like it. They fought constantly and were always down each others throats, but when the meat was off the bone, they were always there for each other. This was a big accomplishment for Marissa because she never cared about anything past a broken nail.

Lilly crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "If you were a true fighter, you would not have lost him."

"Go to hell," Marissa said, standing up straight as tears swam in her eyes.

"You first," replied Lilly, balling up her left fist.

"You guys!" Will groans, putting a hand on Lilly's shoulder. "Let's just get some sleep. I am sure Marissa is tired anyways.

Lilly may not have been very tall or big but she was one hell of a feisty little thing and did not back down from any fight. But, like the rest of us, the night had left her deflated.

"Whatever," she mumbled before walking out of the room, followed by Will and Jimmy.

"Get some sleep," Phil said to Marissa who seemed to already be in a dream-like state.

She looked as if she might start gnashing her teeth at him but then sighed instead and walked away.

Once we were alone, Phil wandered over to the table and sat down, his fingers running through his dark brown hair. Even though he was the brains of the group, he was also half of the looks. Many thought nerds wore glasses and had nasal problems and just all around gross and ugly. He wore the glasses but he was anything but the rest. Once Will and Harold came along, he had begun working out and that gave him an extra boost on the hot scale.

I pictured myself going over and gently rubbing his shoulder to try to sooth him, but think better of it. You see, a leader cannot be soft. You can get attached, or worse, you can make them soft and that leads to mistakes.

"What are you thinking?" his voice interrupted my thoughts.

Taken by surprise, I could not find the right words so instead I shrugged and sat down across from him.

"I was thinking about Jack and where he may be," I said, looking in directly in the eye.

I have learned if you lie to someone you have to convince them you are doing anything but. And unlike most people who are too nervous to look someone in the eye, I have guts and do what needs to be done without second guessing it.

He seemed to catch my lie but simply shrugged it off as his eyes fell on my shirt absentmindedly. "I think we both know where he is and just do not want to acknowledge that."

"He can't be at Grale, no one survived."

He shifted in his seat as his hands ran across the table, as if finding the smooth cold wood comforting. "I did not say he had."

Oh. Damn. Why did that bother me? Had I liked Jack? Yes. But I knew from the moment he arrived I could not and I pushed him away from me as much as possible. Lilly had fallen for him, like any sane woman would, and that had been that. A captain did not fall in love with their soldier.

I laughed, unable to help it or keep it from sounding delusional. "Right, well, better go tomorrow and fetch his body. He deserves a proper burial," I replied, his eyes burning into my own as if trying to sneak past all of my barriers.

Like all, his attempt was futile and he gave up after a few seconds. "Yea," was all he said as he dismissed himself from the room.

I didn't try to stop him, there was no point. What would I have said? Stay, please, don't let me be alone? Right, okay, and while I'm at it might as well have told him how weak I truly was and how I did not deserve this position anymore.

I stared down at my hands, woman hands, and wondered what the nails would look like with red polish like Lilly's. In my head I tried to produce an image of my hair up and curled like Marissa's. But dark hair didn't shine like blonde hair did and mascara looked pretty on green eyes but not gray. Maybe Jack would have liked me like that. Maybe I was just fooling myself again.

That night I dreamt of Lilly and him making out. Some dream, huh?