Drifting Apart

Anger should never find a place in my life. But somehow, I can easily fixate to the emotion and get swept away in them. Things that hardly matter to me, they make sure I have enough power to hold on to them and make a mess out of everything. Perhaps it's just my way of bringing peace and calm in my life.

So.. anger makes me calm. Should it? What if this is all I know how to do? What if, I can never see life beyond this point? People around me, they judge and ridicule; tell me that I need to change myself. But is it so simple? Can someone snap their fingers and overcome anger? I've tried, believe me. And when I say it's tough, oh boy it's tough. People hurt you... you forgive them. People take advantage of you... you forgive them. People break your trust... you forgive them. So when I get angry, why is it so difficult for anyone to forgive me? Is anger more vial and deceitful than trust or breaking someone's heart? I think not.

Seconds are turning into minutes, and those minutes will soon become days that we don't speak to one another. Life never gives us a second chance and the sooner we accept this truth, the better; because I can't, even for a second, stay away from you. However, as it turns out, my anger has made you strong enough to distance yourself from me. You see me making an attempt to break through that tough exterior of yours. But as always, you've shunned me out... kept me away. Hours and hours of crying does something between us; you slowly begin to touch me, ask me to come close. Just one touch from you and feel we're back where we started. I remember the first time you had touched my hand and kissed it gently. Your sweet kiss on my chin reminds me our first kiss.

The desire to stay in your arms for eternity seems to make me uneasy. I feel scared of having something so wonderful and in some manner, making it go completely against myself. I have a knack for that. It's in me... ruining relationships as they come my way. My heart and mind will warn me millions of times, but I will never listen to them. And then, one day, it all comes rushing back to me; staring me in the face, mocking me. The feeling of guilt and repent haunt me. The fights we both have, they don't let me stay in peace. I can feel the presence every single second. And amidst all this, I wish to go back to the days when we were closer to one another. The days when I meant something more than a person who share her life with you.

Why can't things stay this way, forever? Why can't we love each other the way we loved when we first met? Why does my anger ruin things between us? Do you resent me for who I am? Questions and more unending questions. Perhaps there's an answer hidden in these questions. Maybe it is time I moved on. Maybe... it is time I bid my anger goodbye.