Does Age Really Matter (7)

I'm completely de-attached from Jare. So, How is that possible if I like him? Well you know how you have a small crush. Like a really small crush. It's kind of like that. You don't really care about the person, you just have a crush on them. That's exactly how I felt like with Jare.

If any sign of early attachment and I would have to stop calling him. I couldn't get attached someone. I couldn't watch them suffer as I died.

I didn't needed that. It was bad enough I was forced to leave the earth.

Speaking of attachment and relationship; Linda visited the other day. She sat on the other side of the plastic bubble and called me. I picked up on the phone and listened to the pain in her voice.

I lied to her and I told her I hated her. I told her I wanted her to leave me alone. She cried more and left me alone. I smiled.

This would be easy for her. Easy if she didn't have to see me. Honestly, I didn't want people seeing me this. I didn't want people to kneel to my bed and say "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

I didn't want to watch them cry and be forced to listen to the horror in their voice.

I want people to remember the way before I got sick. Not the sick, depressed Jade. I didn't want anyone to know who I was now.

I dialed Jare's number and a spark of electricity sent through me. I always looked forward to talking to Jare. It was the highlight of my day.

Only this time he didn't pick up.

I sighed in disappoint.

And then it hit me.

I was disappointed that I couldn't talk to him? Attachment. It was over. I couldn't talk to him. I had to run far as I could from any feeling of attachment for Jare. I was even more disappointed at that thought. It had come so fast. I had became attached in the smallest way so fast. And now I had to shy away from it.

Jare, Jare, Jare. Beautiful, sweet Jare. I was never going to talk to him again or see him. Beautiful, special Jare.

I closed my eyes because I knew it was going to hurt when I did it. I pressed my lips tight together and then I pulled out my Ivy. No one dared to do anything because they couldn't go near me. They couldn't save me if. Because in trying to save me, in the end they might lose their own life. That was too hard for them. I didn't really understand that part either. Weren't doctors suppose to give their life to save people? Isn't that what they devoted themselves to?

Then why were they so afraid to help me? It's not because I was angry at them or because I wanted them to cure me. It was because I just wanted to know. I just wanted to know. In the end, we were human. We all the same. When it comes down the root to humanity, that is.

I sighed, as the pain swept over me. I lay in there pain until Exhaustion knocked me out.
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