Do You Love You?

I so enjoy new clients who tell me: ‘My spouse knows me better than I know myself." This tells me two things. First, they have chosen a life partner willing to dedicate time and intense effort to get to know who they are, and the fall in love with this person they’ve discovered. Second, my eager new client likely has self-discovery work in their future.

Celebrating ten years of business and executive coaching I’ve learned a tremendous amount about those who succeed and those who do not. I’ve learned that the strongest leaders, savviest business executives and most effective parents have taken the time to get to know who they are at their core.

After all, how can you motivate another to do anything if you first don’t know what makes you act, think and process information in the manner which you choose? When contacted 18 months ago to contribute to a new book on ‘relationships’ (A Guide to Getting It: Vibrant & Lasting Relationships) my topic came easily. I set out to write a chapter on how to enhance one’s intimate relationship with himself or herself.

As I interviewed numerous people and delved more deeply into the topic, I discovered that if you are going to get to know yourself on this intimate level, then why not go all the way and fall in love with yourself. Those parents who told us not to ‘toot our own horn’ as we were growing up are rolling in their graves with this notion.

If you think of the pure concept of falling in love and take yourself out of it, the process comes more easily. First there is attraction, then curiosity, eagerness to spend time with the other person to learn more about them and your energy is ignited.

Why not start your year with this theme of falling in love with yourself? If you accomplish this simple goal, how will you be different one year from this very moment? Happier, more fulfilled? Certainly more successful, effective and alive!

Begin with the concept of attraction. Look in the mirror for what others see in you. Look at those strong expressive eyes, well-earned laugh lines, and genuine smile. What draws you in to this person? What questions do you have? What motivates you to learn more?

Bring that supercharged energy of falling in love and curiosity to life. Drop your self-judgment and criticism. Replace it with a brand new sense of curiosity. It may look like this: "Isn’t it fascinating that I think this way, act this way, like this and dislike that?"

Next, write your own script. What is your path to falling in love? Do you go snowshoeing, skiing, to movies, for long walks? Do you put on your favorite music, cook luscious meals and stay inside? Map out the activities you’ll do this year to create a stronger more intimate relationship with "you."

Be the one individual who knows ‘you’ better than anyone else. Enjoy falling in love for the first time - with you!

"A Guide to Getting It: Vibrant & Lasting Relationships" is available at http://tinyurl.com/2x73up.