Do Older Siblings Really have it Tougher?

Your first baby claims the first position in many areas of your life. They are the first baby to capture your heart at birth. They are the first baby to walk, the first to talk, the first to read and a whole lot of other firsts. It seems that the younger siblings must simply be resigned to walking proudly in their shadow. But are they also the first to get disciplined?

Being born first comes with a lot of responsibility. Older siblings have complained for years that their younger counterparts get away with much more than they ever could. To the older sibling, it seems that the "babies of the family" don’t’ have to be as responsible. And when the younger ones do something wrong, it’s often the older ones who actually get in trouble for not keeping their siblings out of trouble. These perceived imbalances have been the source of ongoing debate between child and parent. But now research may have tipped the scales in favor of the older sibling.

Research shows that older siblings really do seem to have it harder than their younger brothers and sisters, as a new study confirms what first-born children everywhere have suspected all along. "The oldest child in the family often bears the brunt of parental strictness, while younger brothers and sisters generally coast on through," according to Lingxin Hao, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University and author of the study. They must often walk a fine line of perfection, as parents expect them to set the example for the young ones. The study also reveals that this bias extends far beyond their childhood years. Reviewing surveys involving more than 7,000 kids each year, conducted over a 15-year period by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, first-born children who dropped out of school did not receive as much assistance or empathy as their younger siblings who did the same. It seems that parents expect the older child to know better and to set an example. But is that really fair? Most children don’t "know better" just because they were born first, and they should be entitled to the same leniency as everyone else.

But where does this disparity in discipline come from? It often stems from the parents’ desire to set a good example. Some parents feel that if they are tougher with the older kids in hopes of forcing them to set a good example for the younger ones, it will send a strong message that the parents are not pushovers. The goal is to "scare" the younger children into not making the same mistakes.

It’s been said that first-born children are usually "Type-A" children, driven perfectionists who are eager beavers often managing a myriad of tasks. Could it be that this is the result of parental conditioning and not genetic coding? Have they become overachievers by design? A lifetime of being held to higher standards often produces a responsible, pseudo-parental nature in first-born children. The study shows that older siblings are much less likely to drop out of school or get pregnant than the youngest in the family. "Stricter parenting styles often shape the first-born child into a play-by-the rules perfectionist, so parents tend to rely more on their oldest child than the younger kids, " says psychologist Kevin Leman, author of "The Birth Order Book."

Keep in mind that children and families are different. These results may not hold true in every household. But it is true that higher standards should not be reserved for the first born, but should trickle down the line to all the children. It would definitely decrease the sibling rivalry that exists between some children, resulting in healthy, balanced children, no matter what their birth order.

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