Divorce Mediators

A private mediator is a neutral third person, trained in conflict resolution and family law, who works with both parties together to help them reach agreement on some or all of the issues involved in the divorce, including property division, child custody, and child and spousal support.

In some counties, mediators associated with the family courts work with divorcing couples on child-related issues only they don't deal with support or property issues. In some places, this type of court-connected mediation is mandatory, even if you are also seeing a private mediator.

In mediation, you and your spouse are in control of the decisions about how to divide property and deal with alimony and child custody and support, rather than having a judge decide for you. The mediator won't give legal advice or advocate for either party's position as a lawyer does. Instead, the mediator along with your lawyers, if you have them—can help you explore different options and find a resolution that works for both of you.

Mediators are often lawyers themselves, sometimes they are therapists, social workers, or clergy people. You pay for mediation by the hour, and the rates will be what a lawyer, therapist, or social worker normally charges. If the mediator is an attorney with lots of experience in family law, you can expect to pay the same rate that you are paying your own lawyer. In fact, you could pay more but keep in mind that mediation tends to be an efficient, cost effective way to settle cases.

Generally, the parties share the cost of mediation equally, unless they agree otherwise because one spouse has much greater resources. To find a private mediator, ask friends and professional colleagues for referrals. The court clerk at your local family or domestic relations court may be able to give you some referrals. You can also contact the national Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) for a list of mediators in your area. ACR's website, www.acrnet.org, lists mediators all over the country.

Used properly, mediation can be much less costly than a prolonged legal battle whether or not you have a lawyer as well. Often, even couples who are mediating their divorce use consulting attorneys to help them consider their options and make proposals for settlement, and to draft or review the agreement that comes out of mediation. If you don't use a lawyer during your mediation, you may still need one to help you at the end. In some cases, the mediator will draw up a "memorandum of understanding" that outlines your agreement then you can ask a lawyer to spend a short time looking over the agreement and putting it into the proper form to be submitted to the court and made into a final judgment.

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