Day of Discovery: I'm a Mess! Do I Need Meds?

Finding out, having your suspicions confirmed and staring at this ugly monster eye-ball to eye-ball for the first time is often gut wrenching. The impact on your feelings, your psyche, your body and how you think can throw your life into turmoil. Your body, your spirit and your mind revolts.

So, how do you cope? Should you seek out medication? Here are some considerations on this topic.

1. First, there is nothing wrong seeking a little boost or a break from the agony you experience. It is often difficult to keep in mind that your agony and pain is situational and this too shall pass. Not right away. But it will. But, in the meantime I encourage you to act to take the edge off the intensity.

2. Extreme difficulty sleeping, eating, holding food down, controlling your thoughts (you can think of NOTHING else except him/her or your situation), thoughts of abject worthlessness, and thoughts of ending it all indicate you need some temporary help to see you through the next few days and weeks.

3. How bad is bad? Use a scale of 1-10, 10 being as bad as it can get. Check yourself during the day on this scale. You will find recurring thoughts and feelings or "themes" that, at some level, you are working on and are in need of healing. Identify these "themes" and measure them on the scale each day. Are the negative thoughts and feelings more frequent? Are they more intense on the scale. This will guide you in your need for external support.

4. Do you find your behaviors changing dramatically? If you tend to be an outgoing person, are you withdrawing and isolating yourself more? If you tend to be quiet, are you expending much more "nervous" energy? Are people commenting on your different behaviors? Is it extremely difficult to be "yourself?"

5. Medical doctors and psychiatrists are the only people allowed to prescribe medication for the kind of trauma facing you. Contacting your medical doctor may be helpful, if you trust him/her. Medical doctors vary in their expertise and experience in prescribing medications for stress. Prescribing these medications is often a matter of trial and error. From my experience, what works best for one person may not work for another.

6. If your doctor lacks experience or prefers not to prescribe, check around. Ask friends and family if they know of any doctor who has the expertise and experience in this arena.

7. It may be helpful to set up an appointment with a local psychologist, marriage and family therapist, social worker or clergy. They often have a wealth of experience, can help you evaluate your situation and, if needed, refer you to someone they know who would effectively help you through this crisis.

Remember, your capacity to choose and act for your welfare is still intact. Claim this power. Use it. In the midst of your pain, you can find some of the support you need.

Dr. Huizenga, the Infidelity Coach, offers infidelity help and relationship advice for coping with extramarital affairs and marital infidelity at: Break Free-From-the-Affair.com and Infidelity-help.com. Get articles and free downloads on emotional infidelity, coping with infidelity, the cheating spouse, signs of an affair, surviving infidelity and more.