Desperate Wings - 5

I peered through the glass panes as I walked across the long department.
And I found them. Sasha sleeping in the cot and Viren was sitting slumped over the chair. A man stood near him trying in vain to explain.

I entered the room and stood by the bed. What should I say? What should I say?
"Viren, i'm so sorry."

He nodded in acknowledgement, of my presence or my condolence, I did not know.
The man near him fell silent and Viren stared at his sleeping daughter. She had a small bandage on her leg and one on her elbow. Natasha said softly, "Viren... I think you should go to the house and... proceed with the... uh...". I stopped thinking about what to say.
He nodded again. The man who was probably his friend went out as he received a phone call. I said again, "Viren... go home. I'll take care of Sasha. Please. Come on. Let's get out of here. Sasha should get some proper sleep. And some food too. Lets go Viren. Please."

I hesitated at first, but then firmly picked up Sasha's bag, asked the nurse for the discharge sheet and promptly made Viren sign it. He was in a state of shock. Sasha stirred as I held her in my hands and cooed her back to sleep. Viren stared absent mindedly towards me. His eyes held sorrow and the expression of one who just realized he was lost. So totally lost.
I heard the other man making arrangements for the transport of Natasha's body. I winced at her name, even though I had taken it. I opened the back door of my car and asked Viren to get inside. He wasn't even talking. I laid Sasha carefully next to him and his hands automatically took her from there and into his lap. I started through the gates of the hospital. At a short distance, the friend was monitoring the transport of Natasha's body. Again I winced.

Viren held his daughter close and cried silently. Sasha's cotton dress soaked his tears. In the mirror I saw that he was sobbing softly, and his daughter who was awake said nothing or made no effort to stop him. Best that he cry. Better than being so shocked. I felt a lump in my throat. I still had to get to their house and take care of sasha. I don't know why I had this urge to protect Sasha from all the auntys in their house. Maybe because I was never good at being comfortable with them.

I stopped the car a few blocks before the house where we were supposed to go.
"Viren, get a hold on yourself. There are many people at your house."
He said softly, "I don't want to go their. I don't want to see her... her face this way. I want to remember her the way I saw her before leaving the house."
I sighed and said, "But Viren, you've to face it. Accept it. Please. Do you want me to wait or shall we go to your house."

His attitude was like a child. Like he wasn't in the correct sense of mind, "But I don't want to go there.... there are too many people there."
"it's alright to say that you don't want to go there. But see, the faster you get it over with it, the faster all those people will go."
He said in the same tone, "But I want to be alone. I don't want to meet all those people. I don't know anyone among them other than prhaps your family. And three of my friends are there but how will I manage? She was the social one...."
And again he broke into tears.

I told him firmly, "Listen Viren, this is not a social party. Everybody's going to understand. Just stay there. I'll take care of Sasha for you. And don't worry. Everything will be alright. In three days time you'll be just fine. I know Natasha would also do the same. Just know that you've a daughter who knows nothing of this wicked world and its charms. For her Viren, please be strong. Please."

I think we sat in the car for a long time with only Sasha's babbles to show that time hadn't stopped, but was moving on, and on.

Viren was much in control of his head by the time we reached their house. My mother was offering water or tea to the people there. Viren went over and thanked her polietly. My father and some of his friends were sitting around the body, which had arrived while I was waiting in the car.

Some people were sniffling while others were whispering to each other. I didn't feel like going near her body. At least I could have the privilege Viren couldn't. I didn't have to remember her in the horrible shape she was now. I would remember her as the sweet lady who made me feel worth a lot just because I helped her.
Before leaving the hall, I whispered a silent farewell to my friend promising her I'd take care of her daughter.
Goodbye Natasha. You will be missed.
And I didn't see her after that.
I stepped towards the kitchen where I found Viren looking around, I don't know for what though. I walked up to him and took Sasha from his hands, she was pretty well adjusted to me, and luckily came to me easily. Viren said in a voice meant for no one elses's ears, "I don't want Sasha in the presence of so many people. Get her out of here. I will manage these people. and then I'll take her back. Sorry for the inconvenience."

I snapped back immediately, "I'm your friend," but then remembering his condition I continued a bit politely, "I mean you don't have to worry. I'll take care of her. And i'll be in and out your back door if I need anything. Now go get changed."

My mother and some of her friends were looking suspiciously at us. Mum came up to me after he left and I too was about to go to the kitchen. She said to me in a weird way, "What did he tell you?"
"Nothing, I just told him that I would take care of Sasha for him till all this gets over."
My mum nodded and went back. She reported her findings to the inquisitive ladies and I felt a pang of anger, but Sasha's hand on my neck reminded me she must be hungry.

***
The kitchen was beautiful. My architect head got the better of my sorrowful heart and I relaxed a bit, letting my mind take over for a while. I spoke softly to Sasha and she looked at me with her baby eyes as if she understood everything. Meanwhile I got busy filling a teddy printed bag with Sasha's food and stuff, two milk bottles, one big flask of boiled water, and some other stuff. But all I knew was I had to take care of her as best as I could.

"Oh! You're in here...." I heard Viren exclaim. He had changed and was looking fresh, minus the puffy face of course.
"May I take Sasha out? I've got her supplies with me. I'll be back in a few hours."
Viren nodded and said, "Sure. Be careful. She had cold yesterday. Don't let her catch it again. Take care, and Nandita, thank you so much."