Desperate Wings

Nandita checked herself one last time in the mirror before heading off to office. She had reduced a bit of the flab, especially at her waist. Unlocking the garage she extracted the Santro out. The clouds looked ready to pour. She made a mental note to scrub the car hard on the coming Sunday. All the rain and the sludge had made a mess of her car. Nandita remembered a file she had been asked to analyze. She left the ignition on and went inside to fetch her file. As she returned from her room she saw her mother in the dressing room. "Nandita!" her mother better known as Mrs.Das, said in her high pitched voice, "I'm having a kitty party tomorrow, I think I'll need a bit of help from you. . . ." Nandita mumbled her unwilling reply and walked off quietly out of the house and into the rain. Somehow the warmth of her house did not envelope her but the cold touch of the drizzles that had just began encased her in a world that she thought was hers. The goose bumps on her skin felt warm and welcoming. Thinking about the day ahead, she sped towards her work place, her solace.

The Das family was considered a broad minded and rich family in their locality. They had a bungalow in Vile Parle, Mumbai. Nandita was the only child of Mrs. and Mr. Das. Somehow the city's pace left Nandita's childhood scattered, her adolescence lonely and teenage loveless. Most of all, it was the restrictions she was to live with which made her insecurities suffocate her. Her lack of brightness and her tendency to think of herself as someone unloved was quite understandable. Only she had no one to understand her. She was the only one who knew about herself. Her father had been very busy working when he was young and drinking when he aged. On the contrary, her mother was blossoming into the youth that had left her in the reverse gear. She had always been like that. Kitty parties, fashion wear, latest models of jewelleries were her thing, not bringing up her child or attending her annual days. Nandita knew her mother had a troubled past but why punish her for that? Nandita grew up to be a self dependent and reserved individual. She completed her studies and became an engineer. Her father got her a job in Wipro. She was glad to have found a new friend circle, people who shared their problems with her. They trusted her, confided in her and for all the time that she was away from her house saw her troublesome insecurities fly out of the window. People spoke of homes; she spoke only of a house- that meant as a shelter to her nothing more and nothing less. Nandita missed her parents as a young girl during her Board Exams, as a teenager when all other girls were gleefully talking about what their mothers said about their crushes, as a graduate when she saw no one to cheer for her when she threw her graduation hat into the air. She was twenty nine years old and still not married or even in love. She didn't know her crushes and neither did she know her deepest desires. And even if she did, she locked them and kept them aside for fear of losing her already distanced parents.

Earlier she remembered some incidents when she had loved her mother so. She could recall herself and her mother eating in a restaurant when her father was out on a tour. She recollected the way her mother had patted her to sleep before an exam in perhaps 7th standard. Her father had been very supportive about her getting a good job. She knew his efforts had brought color to her career. It was he who had given her the first car of her life, how special that birthday had been! But that was about it. . . .

Her huge office building came into view as she turned around the corner. It seemed to tower over the whole area. 'Churchgate', a jungle of cement with just business class people streaming in and out of huge buildings. Nandita parked her car in her daily slot and stood waiting for the lift. She had prayed for a good day and the mere sound of the words- kitty party had pissed her off. She kept thinking about her frustrated mood until someone placed a hand on her shoulder. Nandita twirled around; "Oh Aaradhna! It's you!" Her friend grabbed Nandita's hands and said excitedly, "You remember the guy I was telling about the other day?" Seeing Nandita's confused expression she explained, "The boy who had come to see me last week, well we decided to give it a try. . . I'm going on an introductory date today with him!" Nandita joined in her friend's happiness and asked with a naughty tone, "Where is the date?" Aaradhna blushed shyly and said, "Hiranandani Gardens." Her eyes widened in awe as she said, "He must be really rich to be going on a date to Hiranandani!" Aaradhna nodded and added in low tones, "I'll tell you more about him during lunch." Nandita patted her back and both of them vanished into the cavity of the lift.

Nandita sat in her cabin, wondering what her first date would be like. Aaradhna was 26 and already getting married. She had heard her parents had even bought a lovely diamond set for their daughter. What about her? Luckily, before she could drift any further into her world filled with sadness to the brim, a peon knocked and said, "Nanditaji, Mr. Venugopal has asked you to please meet him after the tea break." He was her boss. A kind-hearted and extremely chivalrous person, he had been the boss of Nandita's unit from the past five years. She wondered what would have made him call her individually. Nandita was so nervous that she did not care to find Aaradhna in the tea break. She sat by herself in the office sipping tea. 'I just hope my files are all in order!' she prayed as the clock struck 11o' clock. Pretty soon, she was standing outside Mr. Venugopal's office. She took a deep breath and knocked politely. She heard his accented voice, "Come in, please." She looked at the door mat and stepped inside, her palms clammy and cold. Only after he asked her to sit down did she look up at him. He was smiling. She was about to open her mouth to ask him why she had been asked for when he said, "So, it's been three years since you got your last promotion," She nodded and thought, 'Don't give me demotion now, I'm already tired of disappointments!' He paused for what seemed like eternity and then said, "Your new cabin will be on the eighteenth floor. I'm calling the interior decorator today, you can get the room designed by the evening. . ." She sat there stunned, what was the man in front saying? She opened her mouth and closed again. Her boss laughed softly and said, "I hope you have enough cash to treat your friends to a lavish lunch today. . . Congratulations!" She smiled like a hundred watt bulb and exclaimed, "Thank you sir! That was good news indeed!" She left his office almost trembling with joy. She got promoted. A rise of 10,000 in her salary, a better cabin and many more benefits! She had to call her parents and inform them about her shining luck. No one picked up the call when she called at her father's number. The land line was busy, her mother must be arranging for the kitty party. Her happiness unaltered, she sent a message to her father - 'Papa! I got promoted today. Will go out for a treat tonight.'

That afternoon she spent almost thousand rupees giving treats and ice creams to her colleagues. Aaradhna pulled her aside after most of them had retired to their tables, "He called me up twice!" She was squealing with joy and Nandita smiled with her. She continued, "He is going abroad after two months; so, if we hit it off, I'll go too!" Nandita squeezed her hand and said, "I'll pray for you and your life to be full of joys!" Aaradhna walked with her to her room and left when the interior decorator came. Her kind boss had sent him to her first! She talked animatedly about the desired decorations and decided upon the wallpapers. She chose a purple background with a floral print. Her afternoon was spent completely in deciding how her new room would look. She completely forgot about the layouts she was supposed to make! Ah! That could wait. Her promotion and the adjoined happiness were more important.

Evening squirmed its way up the humid air, battling the uncaring local trains of Mumbai and the people it carried. Most of them were in a hurry to get to their destinations. Hence, the men could be seen in the ladies compartment. Some driven teens traveled hanging on the door rails to impress sincere and the not so sincere college girls. Nandita crossed the railway station thanking God in a seven second prayer for the luxury of a car. Honking her way all the time to Vile Parle, she finally reached home. Her face seemed darker and shone slightly with sweat. Parking the car inside she walked with high spirits into the house. "Arey Anand babu!" She called the servant to get her things into the room. Her father came from the room adjoining the main hall. He smiled and said lovingly, "So? You look happy to me..." She smiled back and answered, "Of course! I hope you'll come with me papa!" Her father caught his breath and even before he could utter a word her smile saddened; "It's alright papa, I'll go there with my friends." Her father looked at her- she hadn't taken it badly. The same thing had been happening at every promotion, none of which he could attend.

Nandita dumped her purse and files in the study adjoining her room. As if any of her friends had a evening to spare! Her eyes were filled with tears. She choked back lonely tears lest her contact lenses would slip off. She looked at herself in the mirror. It was a habit to do this every time she felt bad, every time she needed encouragement. Her colleagues used to call her beautiful, she had brown eyes, shoulder length wavy hair and a tall well built frame. She turned away, sobbing. Her best friend was getting married and she didn't want to spoil her Hiranandani date by telling her the sorry tale of her promotion evening. She opened her wardrobe and peeked at her party dresses, all of a sudden she had this crazy thought of freaking out, 'Why not go on a single date with myself?' Encouraged, she snatched her bath robe and stepped into her bathroom. She avoided thinking of anything but how she was going to enjoy hard the whole evening. She gritted her teeth and chanted, 'I won't be back before 11....' As she dressed up, Nandita applied a bit of kajal to her eyes for two reasons; to hide her dark circles and to look enigmatically beautiful. She dried her hair with the blower and puffed it up slightly. Arranging her purse for a nice evening outside she unhooked the car keys and said to anyone who was listening; her father and mother were in the next room, "It's my promotion day and I'm going to treat myself..." as a last chance she peeked in the next room and said hesitatingly because she knew what the answer would be, "Anyone care to join me?" Her mother who was busy calling up friends for the party said, "Are you going so early?" She nodded and said, "Do you want to join me, mum?" Her mother smiled gently and said, "Sorry honey, mum's got work to do... maybe next time!" that could be called breaking a heart with a buttered knife. She held back her emotions and said, "I've asked Anand babu not to make dinner for me tonight. I'll be eating outside today and I won't be back before 11." Nandita didn't even stop for a reply, she began stomping off the stairs when her mother came running, "Nandita! Our new neighbors were asking about you, it's still early for an evening out so...." She shut the door of the car with as much control as possible and said, "Thanks mum, I'll go meet them now and make quick work of that." Her mother said softly, "You'll feel better... I'm sorry honey." Nandita nodded and backed out into the evening with her car. She parked her car outside and thought about her parents. Her father had no other work other than drinking. And her mother, it was all just social life and fashion. She walked with these things in mind to the next nearest house, it was across the street. Only its huge walls were visible from her house. The architect must have put lots of effort into making the house. It was beautiful. The pillars carved from the walls looked like the highlight of the front wall. Lost a bit in the architecture, she rang the bell. A few seconds later someone appeared at the door. Nandita checked herself, just in case. She plastered a smile on and managed a small 'Hi!'
She wondered how that evening would turn out...