Demons That Tempt Those I Tempt With (Chapter Three: One Foot Wrong)

Chapter Three
One Foot Wrong

I thankfully woke from a disturbed nightmare. Always the same, this time the dream was deeper, it wasn't making any sense. I didn't know if I were just cautious of the relationship Cece and I shared. I couldn't understand anything. I dreamt she was running away from me, and I sat there and watched her go. I let her go without saying a word. That's what I didn't understand, why, how could I possibly let her go without saying a word? It had been three weeks, two days and twelve hours since I
last saw Cece.

My mind filled with questions, not knowing is what killed me the most. Not being able to speak to her, to work out what she was thinking. It had dawned on me that our relationship was over. No explanations, no answers, no nothing. Cece hadn't been at school either. Each morning I raced to her class to find disappointment, I called her, I emailed, I even camped outside her house. But each time more disenchantment. What was I to do? It seemed like she had vanished of the face of the earth, not even Sammy told me anything. I was lost without her.

The alarm went off. It was time to get ready for school. Reluctantly I did so, taking care not to rush. I was ready in what seemed like seconds. Mum was awake and sitting by the computer, working I presume.
"Fran?" mum held her finger at me, signaling for me to come over.
"What's wrong with you?" she asks examining me with cautious eyes. I didn't want to lie to her but if I told her she wouldn't be able to understand it, any of it.
"Nothing, I'm fine" I protest. Knowing she wasn't going to accept my lie.
"Nothing? Then why the sudden change in behavior? A few weeks ago you were jumping around, and now you're like this. I don't understand, I wish you would talk to me Fran. I'm your mum and I want to help, but I can't if you don't let me in can I? Mum inhaled briefly, almost annoyed.
"I'll be late" I free myself from her gaze and leave.

Tears streamed down my face. I wiped them in annoyance at myself. I didn't want to be like this. I was losing friends, family, and most of all myself. I walked slowly down the street, battling with my emotions. I didn't know how to talk to mum, to tell her about who I was. To my dismay I was at school, and far too early for class. Walking though the door, I stop and look at the pictures that had been put up on display. We had won the county trophy, there were pictures everywhere. I smiled as I came across a picture of Cece and myself. We were happy, both smiling. A single tear fell from my eyes. I felt a presence behind me, avoidably wondering if there was any chance it could be Cece, maybe she was looking for me.

"Hey Fran, your early" A familiar voice called out. It was Ms Aden.
"Basketball" A single word slipped from my lips. Still steering at the picture I turn to see that Ms Aden had moved closer.
"Come on let's go play ball" she smiled as she lead me into the hall.
Ms Aden is our basketball coach. I don't refer to her as Ms Aden though, I call her Simone it sounds a lot better. A year and a half ago I had a mad crush on her; it was unbelievable I didn't think I would move on from her. We were pretty close I did anything she asked me to, the girls teases me about it but I didn't care I was in love. I chucked my bag down as I watched Simone retrieve a basketball. She rolled it over to me; I didn't see it coming at first. My mind was elsewhere.

"What's up?" Simone asked as she walked towards me. I loved the way she walked; it had a sense of elegancy. Maybe it would be better if I talked to Simone about things, at least she wouldn't be able to judge me or explode into a raging fit like mum would have. My mind talked to me as I listened. I really didn't have a choice, I couldn't talk to any of my friends, well those who would speak to me. And mum? That was a complete no no. My mind obviously wining the battle...
"If I asked for some advice, and told you something in confident would it stay between us?" I asked impatiently.
"Of course, you should know that by now." She winked and waited for me to speak.
"Are you sure?" Simone nodded in response. I had to work out what I was going to say to her, without making it obvious.

"Well say you had a friend that you were extremely close to." I paused. "But a little more than friends. Say they were acting differently and you both had an argument, and told you they would talk to you soon but never called, emailed, or texted. Then a few days later you realize that they have vanished. You know not in school, work, at home nowhere to be found. What would you do?"
"Hmmm. I guess I would keep trying to contact them. Talk to everyone, and find out everything I could." Simone looked puzzled.
"Confusing right? But why would they vanish?"
"Maybe they need time to think or time away...Sometimes in relationships when there's a problem you just need to get away from it all to work things out, it doesn't have to be about the other person sometimes it's just about you and your own emotions. Try leaving it for a bit and wait until they find you. Do you understand?"
I nod. I couldn't leave it, it's been too long.
"It's been three weeks already". I added.

"Well is there a significant place that the person would go or something?"
That's when it hit me. The beach house. I couldn't believe my stupidity I should have realized earlier. I gathered my things and headed for the door almost knocking into the cabinets. "Thanks" I screamed.

I dumped my belonging in my class, and headed for the door. I wasn't sure how I was going to get to the beach house; I figured a train would be slower than a car. But that would mean I would have to go back home, and I couldn't risk mum seeing me or noticing that the car was gone. That's when it hit me. Charlie! I jogged lightly towards Charlie's apartment. My light jog turned into a run as I turning the corner realizing I was close by, without thinking I ran across the road and that's when it happened.
I don't remember hitting the car but the force of falling to the ground. As I did so I landed on my arm. I lay with my eyes closed, the pain was unbearable. I open my eyes to worried voices and screams. I was amazed to find people hovering to look at what had happened. Simone was leaning over me. Was I knocked unconscious?
"Can you hear me?" she whispered in my ear.

"Yes" I responded as I moved to rub the pain.
"Don't move, stay still. The Ambulance is on its way" she said placing my hands by my side.
I screamed "No, I have to go!" Not realizing how loud my voice was. I must have slipped back into an unconscious state. I awoke in a hospital bed. Mum was rubbing my head as she called for a nurse. The nurse checked a few things, smiled and left.
"Mum..."
"I'm here darling. Just relax go back to sleep." She kissed me on my nose, this was unusual.
"You don't understand I have to go somewhere" my voice was abrupt and steady.
"The only place you're going is bed"
I felt uneasy so was unable to argue my point. I was drained and tired. My vision was blurry but was assured that it was just the medication. As I fell in and out of reality, I could hear a voice, it sounded concerned and worried. I opened my eyes to see an outline of a shadow.

The dream came back to haunt me for a second night. The only changes made were the time of day. It was early morning, sunrise. I was lying on the sandy beach, surrounded by pictures. Pictures of my childhood, and teenage years were scattered around me. I picked up a picture that caught my eye, it was of Cece. She was smiling; her smile seemed forced and unwilling. Cece appeared from behind me, and walked pass me. I was screaming her name, as blood gushed from wounds that looked to be self-inflicted. Crying hysterically I attempt to get up, failing each time. Cece smiled as she walked towards me, screaming I ask her why she was doing this. Her words almost a whisper echoed in the wind "you did this to me". She laughed as she began walking towards the sea...."Cece...Cece...Cece" screaming for her...

A hand rubbed my cheek. I opened my eyes seeing much clearly. I studied the hand. I looked up expecting to see mum, but instead a familiar face smiled down at me. "I'm here now" Cece's voice rang in my ears. I sat up awake; I studied her for a moment. Not saying a word but studying. I held her hand in mine.
"Where have you been?" I ask nervously.
"Let's not talk about this now, please not when you're like this." she insisted.
"Don't you think I have a right to know?"
"Yes I do"
"Well?"

"There's something going on. It's been happening for a while and I thought it went away but it didn't. I didn't want to tell you in the beginning because I knew it would only scare you and I didn't want that." Cece voice sounded broken. I could hear the pain as she continued.
"Please don't think I didn't want to tell you, of course I did. I just didn't think our relationship...
"I don't understand. You should have come to me no matter what it was. I was here for and you just left me. Do you know how that made me feel? I was lost without you. I didn't know what to do; I was scared that I lost you." I cried into Cece's arms.
"No you haven't lost me" she assures.
A doctor drifted in unaware of the emotions, which filled the room. He smiled as he checked through my documents. Our conversation ended, gentle smiles filled the gasps of silence.

"Okay Francis, it looks like your stable and ready to go. I don't know if your mum told you but your pretty lucky. You only suffered from minor injuries. In four weeks time you'll need to go to the doctors to get the cast removed and the wrist examined. I've given your mum all the information. If you feel sudden dizziness, nausea, headache and extreme blurry vision then you'll need to contact us immediately. But everything seems okay and I'm happy for you to leave today." He smiled as he awaited my response.
"Thank you doctor, when can I go back to school?"

"I would say give it a couple of days at home and see how you go with the pain killers and then you can return. Will you need help in getting downstairs...
"No I'm here" Cece interrupted.
"Great" he smiled uncertain to Cece's tone.
We headed downstairs. Mum was sitting in the car already, Cece held my arm steady as we left the hospital. I didn't get to finish the conversation with Cece I had so many question I needed to ask.
"You coming to Cece" mum asked.
"Umm, I was going to get a bus home." Cece whispered as shyness over took.
"No way, get in."

Cece did so. Mum drove us home. Cece sat next to me on the back seat. I felt awkward. Mum was on the phone the entire drive home. Cece and I occasionally glanced at each other. I wanted to just hold her and tell her how much I loved her. I missed her, and didn't get the chance to show her how much. My hand moved across the seat to find Cece's. I watched mum in the mirror to make sure she wasn't looking. Rubbing the back of her hand, I whispered in her ear "I love you."
"Girls are you hungry?" mum interrupted the moment.
"A little, what about you Cece?" I asked.
"Yeah a bit" she looked at our hands as I held tightly on to hers.
"Great, I'm just picking up some pizza" Mum turned around eying Cece and I. She looked directly at me as if I did something wrong. I ignored her gaze but still felt her scrutinizing the situation. Finally mum jumped out to collect the pizzas. I didn't know if she was aware of the relationship, or what.

"What are you doing?" Cece asked shocked.
"What?"
"Didn't you see the way she looked at us?"
I shrugged "I don't care anymore, I love you and that is that".
"Will you stay tonight?" I muttered.
"We'll have to ask your mum first, but if she says yes then I will"
Mum was running to the car. Out of breath as usual I put it down to the assistive smoking she does.
"Are you okay Ms Blake?" Cece asked.
"Yep, Jamie is over with the dresses and I don't want to keep him waiting. I'm so excited."
"I could imagine. When did you finish them?"

"Oh last weekend. I did try to get Fran to help but she was preoccupied. You should have seen her; the past couple of weeks have been hell. She moped around, stayed in her pajamas everyday. I didn't know if I were coming or going with her."
Cece laughed. Something I hadn't heard her do for a while. I could feel myself drifting to sleep; I fought to stay awake so I could listen to the exchange of words between mother and Cece.
I was lying in bed, and Cece was sitting in front of me. Watching me sleep. She smiled as our eyes meet.
"Hey sleepyhead"
"You stayed?" I laughed as I knew she would have.
"Yeah we spoke she was really friendly, it was unexpected." I noticed that Cece was writing something. She placed it on the desk and snuggled up next to me.
"This feels good...Why unexpected?"
"I don't know I just didn't think she would like me. Especially how she knows about us" Cece laughed.

"Are you being serious? I knew she thought it but I didn't think she knew" Cece pulled me in tighter.
"She asked if we were sleeping together." My jaw dropped. Talk about getting straight to the point.
"But of course I denied it I didn't know what to say to her"
"I would have loved to seen your face, priceless" Cece hit me as the laughter became silent.
Mum knocked on the door. I froze; I looked at Cece as a smile spread across her face. She shifted to the edge of the bed. I shook my head, as I realized I was equally nervous. How was mum going to handle it, we've always spoken about sexuality and she told me she would be happy if I were happy.
"Come in" Mum opened the door as she scanned the space between Cece and I. She sat around the desk as she eyed both of us at the same time.
"Mum are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine; I just wanted to ask if we could have a chat together."
"Shall I wait outside" Cece asked as she began to move.
"No, don't be silly Cece, I want to talk to both of you" Mum replied as Cece shifted back.
"I just want to be sure that this is something you both want. I need to understand how it happened, and if...She paused.
"And if you're both happy I guess." She smiled in my direction.
I nodded as I began. "Mum I don't know what to say, apart from I'm happy and this is something I want. I never meant for this to happen, it just did. I wanted to tell you but I never knew how you were going to take it, if I were to told you I'm in love" Mum interrupted "Love?" She questioned.
"Yes mum I love Cece." Cece interrupted.
"And I love her too, I don't intend on hurting her at all. I care about her a lot Ms Jenkins, more than I can explain to you"
I took Cece's hand, mum's eyes followed. Mum stood up, "Well as long as you're happy I'm happy, I don't know if I agree with it all your both so young. But I can see you both care for each other. Cece does your parents know?" Mum questioned as her bleep went off.

"Girls I'm so sorry, I have to meet James to check on some material" Mum left in a instance.
Cece cuddled up to me once again. "You okay" I asked. I could sense that something was bothering her.
"I have something to tell you, but I don't know if I could tell you right now. I've written you a letter and I want you to read it."
Cece got up as she handed me the letter. She kissed my forehead as she held my hand, "I'm going to go now I'll speak to you soon." She hugged me as she left. I heard Cece and mum talking but couldn't make out what they were saying. I made my way to the window, as I watched Cece. She stood in the drive way frozen. It looked like she was contemplating something the way she paced up and down. She must have decided against it as she walked on. Glancing up at the window. Her eyes meet mine, she held the gaze and left.
I unfolded the letter Cece gave me. I didn't know if I should read it or not. I was scared. I knew this was it, the relationship was over

Francis. I know that you are probably reading this thinking I'm about to break up with you. But trust me I have no intention too. I want to explain to you first why I disappeared on you. I felt like our relationship was full on, I care about you more than you can imagine. You're my best friend, I am nothing without you. I didn't think I would fall so fast for you and when I did I was scared about letting you down. I pictured us getting old together spending the rest of our lives together. The truth is I've been ill for sometime now and before I meet you it was all under control and I felt fine. But a couple weeks ago while we were at the beach house I had a phone call from the doctor. This is really hard to tell you, I know I should have told you to your face but I can't do it. I tried but I just can't. The truth is I have a tumor, and it's grown.

Surgery is not an option for me anymore; I have a few months left. Look I know this is hard to take in, I am so sorry I'm doing this to you. I was going to end our relationship that way you would never find out but then I knew I couldn't forgive myself for hurting and lying to you. I thought about a lot of alternatives for the situation and couldn't face not speaking to you about it. I know I should have been straight with you from the start but you have to understand how hard it was for me to write this...I love you more than words can explain and I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. Please forgive me Fran I am so so sorry. I don't know if you'll agree to it but I think we should spend some time away from each other, just to process everything. I don't want you to cry, it's going to be okay. We're going to be okay. I love you so much and it hurts me to know I'll never get to spend the rest of my life with you. We planned so much, and I hope that you'll forgive me for not telling you. I will come and see you tomorrow I am so sorry. I love you always and forever C.

My stomach flipped over. My heartbeat rising. My head began to spin as I let out a scream. I couldn't control my breathing I was hyperventilating; I couldn't manage to catch my breath. I began to cry, I bellowed loudly. Holding my stomach as the pain hit. Mum ran into the room.
"Oh darling" she pulled me into her chest.
"Why mum? Why? Why Cece?" I pleaded.
"Come on Fran, It will be okay" Mum held me tightly, wiping the tears from my eyes. I kept crying, I was unable to stop. I sobbed in mum arms until I feel asleep.