Demons That Tempt Those I Tempt With (Chapter Six: The Real Me)

I could feel my body shivering and shaking. I was dreaming, having a nightmare. I was dreaming about Cece. We were spending the day together and were play fighting on the grass, and having a laugh together. We were standing at the entrance of the park as we hugged. I placed my hand on her chest close to her heart and whispered in her ears.
"I love you Cece, more than you'll ever know". I could feel her heart racing as she hugged me again, this time squeezing me tighter. She placed her hands in mine, looked deeply into my eyes, sighed and whispered

"I loved you from the moment I saw you". We held each other tightly not wanting to let go. I finally motion Laura off, as I stand watching her go. Cece walks off, turns around and mouths "I miss you". It was too real to be a nightmare, I could smell her I could feel her. I didn't understand it.
"Francis, Francis wake up! Francis" I heard a concerning voice stand over me, as they rubbed my cheek. Was it Cece? I jumped out of my sleep reaching out for her calling for her "Cece, Cece" I screamed. Opening my eyes I noticed Simone standing over me. I was hot, sticky and covered in sweat. I couldn't breathe.

"It's okay you were having a bad dream" she whispers in my ear trying not to wake anyone up. She then turned around and gave me a reassuring smile, and resumed her seat facing in my direction. I couldn't help but not look at her, her presence was over whelming. I wondered how she would know I was having a bad dream; it would mean she was watching me right? It made me wonder. Looking over at Simone, I notice her watching me, observing my every move. I couldn't help but feel embarrassed, I blushed slightly. The coach comes to a halt, toilet break. I arise from my seat carefully walking down the aisle, taking care in not waking anybody up. I pass Simone trying not to keep eye contact. I step out into the cold, to an unexpected shiver.

"Hey, where are you going? Toilet perhaps?" called Simone from the window above. I ignore her question and continue to walk to the entrance, not acknowledging her. I push open the doors as I feel a supple hand on the back of my neck. I react quickly turning around not realizing Simone had followed me in here.

"I called out to you, but you didn't hear me. You okay?" She asks as I rush inside a cubicle. Standing outside she continues "Look I know you don't know me but if you want to talk about anything I'm here. I don't bite honest." I giggle as she walks off. If only she knew, I wish she would just do that bite me! What am I talking about? Walking through the parking lot, I light up a cigarette. Feeling a bit more relaxed I return to the coach. As I was about to resume my seat I look up and see Simone smiling at me. I just don't know what it is about her. It's driving me mad, I'm curious. Allowing my curiosity to overcome me I walk up to where she is and sit next to her. I had no idea where this prefunded confidence came from, it flowed within me. I sit not saying anything, but exchanging shy smiles.

"I can't work you out yet. But I'm working on it" she informs me as she sips her hot chocolate.
"What do you mean? Why would you want to work me out?" I ask feeling slightly uncomfortable.
"I think you hold back on a lot of emotion, you need to let it go. It doesn't help keeping it in." What an earth is she on about? How can she lecture me like she knows me?
"Sorry I don't know what rumors you have heard or might have heard, but I am fine I am not holding on to nothing okay?" I demand. Simone shoots me a concerned look, her eyes focused on my chain. I was now aware that I had been playing with the ring on my chain. I got up and made my way back to where I was sitting before. I felt her hand wrap firmly around my wrist, I look down at her.

"Come back and talk to me yeah?" she asks. God I was so predictable. I was only getting up to move my stuff over to where I was. I grab my blanket, notebook and iPod and return.
I resumed my seat next to Simone. She smiled as I opened out the blanket over my legs. As I looked into her eyes she opened her mouth to speak. I could see her speaking, but couldn't hear what she was saying. I was mesmerized by her beauty. "Sorry what did you say" I ask. Simone smiles again and repeats what she had said. "What things are you into besides basketball? I like to get to know my student." She says as I watch as her lips part to take another sip of her chocolate.

"Well I guess I kind of like poetry and drawing at the moment". I stopped and wondered why I was telling her. I never tell anyone stuff like that, the only person who knew about poetry and art was Laura.
"Poetry and art? Really have you done any yourself?" she asks. I respond "Yeah a few". She looks intrigued, I felt happy within myself, and she examined me as I flicked through some pages.
"May I see, if you don't mind that is" she asks. I stop at a bookmark, as I began to read an entry she moved closer to me, our legs almost touching. I opened the blanket over her as I could feel her body shaking. I began to read out loud

'Alone, sad, and lonely.
I was when you were taken from me?
I yearn to hold you in my arms, to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
To smell your scent, to make you smile, to hear your voice echo only for a while.
To say I have never loved would be a crime, to love and be loved was me, was you, was us.
I love you more and more each day, even when the clouds...' I stop as she smiles deeply at me.

I could feel myself becoming overwhelmed with emotion. I grew angry at myself, I didn't want to be so honest, I didn't want to forget about Cece and I didn't want to share her, especially with someone like Simone.
"Is that the person you are talking about in the poem?" she asks. Looking down at the picture I had drawn of Cece the last day I saw her.
"Erm yeah it is"

I reply not knowing how to act. I kept watching her every movement, it made me feel uneasy. She closed her eyes, and sighed. Her eyes open as she shifts to face me. "Can I ask you something personal? You don't have to answer the question, if it's crossing the line then just ignore it" she asks.
Responding I say "I think I know what you're going to ask, and the answer is yes and yes". The tears streamed down my face, I couldn't keep it in any longer. I wept as I felt the agony in my stomach. The pain I had been feeling all exerted at once. She held me in her arms, and run her hands through my hair and reassured me everything would be okay.

"You can talk to me come on" she insists. Following her instructions I begin to open up to her.
"Well I got a lot I have to deal with, and I find it hard to cope at times. I use to have somebody I could rely on, somebody I could tell everything to. Since they've gone I've only got myself to talk to. I know I have a lot of friends but it's not the same. Especially when you've taken time to get to know someone and then let them in and tell them things you've never told anyone else before. There are so many expectations and I can't live up to them all."

Simone nods in understanding as I continue. "I have to study all the time to keep my grades up, I have to go to basketball practice, and perform at my best all the time. And I have to deal with all the arguments and pain at home. I just don't know what to do with myself. I can't confide in my best friend because I don't know if she'll accept me and understand certain things." She interrupts.
"What do you mean except you? Why wouldn't she?" she asks. I feel uneasy, I don't know if I should tell her. Would it make me feel better knowing that I could be slightly open with someone, and let them know the one most important thing about me?
"Well I'm" I stop unable to continue.

"You are?" she questions. What am I meant to say? Should I just come out with it? Or say it indirectly? I stop as I notice myself speaking out loud.
"Sorry!" I mutter as I attempt to change the subject.
"I am so sorry about this; I've just had a bad day everything got on top of me." I apologize for loading all my problems on you.
"It's okay, I'm glad you opened up a little, sometimes it's best to talk to someone you don't really know because that way they can't judge you."

The coach lights switch on, as the driver informs us that we have finally reached our destination. I could see Sammy sitting up, looking at us. The glare felt uncomfortable, like she saw something. What was there to see anyway? I grab my things and sit back next to Millie.
Millie woke up unaware of the tension surrounding us. Sammy looked at me mysteriously. I didn't know how long Sammy was awake for; I don't know if she heard anything I was saying. I wasn't really saying anything to be honest. I just cried my eyes out, and I have no idea why.