Demons That Tempt Those I Tempt With (Chapter Four: Friends?)
Chapter Four...Please read, thanks for all the comments. *Hugs* don't forget to take the poll and comment. =]
Demons That Tempt Those I Tempt With
Chapter Four
Friends?
"You should get some sleep" Millie stroked my forehead as she tucked me in bed. Millie had heard about what happened, I assumed mum had her come and see me. I haven't really spoken to or seen Millie for the past couple of months. Millie didn't get on with Cece and she wanted me to choice. Obviously I didn't chose but she didn't understand that Cece was more than a friend, how could she when I never told her?
"Millie can I tell you something" I shuffle towards her.
"Of course you can, you know that already" she smiled as she moved closer. I didn't know how she was going to act, but I wanted her to know the truth I wanted everyone to know.
"You see when you asked me to choose between you and Cece...Millie interrupted my sentence.
"Fran let's not talk about this, it's okay please."
"No it's important I need to say something." Millie kept quiet and finally allowed me to speak.
"The reason why I could never choose between you and Cece was because she had my heart" I waited for her to say something, anything. But it never came.
"Millie?" I call out to her.
"I don't understand. What do you mean she had your heart? I had your heart too, do you remember before she came? It was just me and you." I could see the hurt in her eyes. I never ever wanted to hurt Millie I just couldn't explain everything to her.
"Mille it's always and will always be me and you. You know nobody could come between us. Don't think like that. You're my best friend!" I argue the case with her losing every round.
"But you did, you let her come between us." Millie hollows at me.
"That's what I'm trying to tell you. Millie I was in love with her, it was more than a friendship. We were together." My voice lowered as I realized Millie had stopped crying.
"You were what?"
"I love her Millie, I always will and I always did. From the moment I first saw her. I fell in love. What did you want me to do? I couldn't choose, I could never choose." I could feel the pain inside. It screamed out as I cried. I hugged my pillow for comfort. Millie watched as she lowered herself onto the bed.
"You were in love with her?" She asks. I nod in response.
"Was she in love with you?" I nod again in response.
"You both were seeing each other?" I nodded for the third time hoping she would finally understand. Silence filled the room, as I watched her reaction. Millie moved away from me, I could see the disgust in her eyes.
"Fran you're tired, it's been a hard couple of days. You're upset because your friend is gone. I understand that, I know you loved her and she loved you. But you're not a les...Millie stopped midway in her sentence. It was as if she was unable to say the word.
"Lesbian?" I completed it for her.
"Fran don't be silly, you're upset. You don't know what you're talking about. Get some rest I will come and see you tomorrow."
"Millie we were a couple. Cece wasn't my friend she was my girlfriend. Why can't you believe it? Why can't you see? I'm gay! I've been gay since I was fourteen I've known for ages. Millie...Please!" Millie looked at me like I was a piece of filth. I didn't know she would react like this.
"You need help, you are not GAY!" Millie shouted the words at me.
"Like I said you lost your friend your upset. You miss her. End of. You are not gay; you never have been and never will." Millie abused me with her words, she didn't understand. I couldn't make her understand. Millie couldn't be homophobic, her aunt is bisexual and been dating a woman for four years. Her older brother is married to a man. I don't understand it. I walk over to where Millie is and hand her a box.
"Take it, and maybe you'll understand then." I crawl back into bed and turn over. I heard Millie leave, and watched her walk down the street through the window. I sigh as I throw my head back into my pillow.
Cece always joked that Millie crushed on me. I would refuse to believe it. I mean why would she? She is never out of guys to date, they throw themselves at her. I glance over at Cece's picture. How could a beautiful smart healthy girl die? She was only sixteen. Cece's mum gave me a box that Cece wanted me to have. Inside were pictures of us, CD's, posters, a book, her diary and letters. I didn't realize but Cece kept all the things we did together. The tickets from the movie theaters, a book I gave her, CD's that we both listened to in the car, then the letters and a note. The note told me that I would know when to open each letters, and that she loved me. The note was quite long. I guess Sammy would tell me when to open the letter, I mean how else would I know. Cece's mum left town a few days ago, she came to see me before she left. It was heartbreaking; she told me things that Cece had told her about us. I never knew Cece and Janet were so close, I wish me and mum could be like that.
I lay awake until it was time to get up. I decided to read the note that Cece had left, I half read it but didn't want to finish it. I cried halfway though, it's too painful for me. Reading things about us, when she's not here, when she not with me.
I don't know how to start this letter. I just want you to know I love you more than anything. This is hard for me, as much as it's hard for you. I know you'll be missing me and I'll be missing you. Everything happens for a reason, I am just so happy God let us meet before I had to go. I don't want you to cry be happy I'm not suffering anymore. I'm here with you. Whenever you need me I'll be there. I've left some letters for you, but I don't want you to open them just yet, Sammy will tell you when.
Look after each other. I spoke to Millie about us. You can't kill me since I'm not here. I love you Fran, each and everyday remember that. I know it's hard but you'll move on and find love and happiness again. I'll make sure of it. I love you so much. P.S Don't forget our promise and smell the page." She ended with forty-eight kisses. I guessed these were for the amount of months we've known each other. I laughed as I smelled the page; she sprayed it with the perfume she was first wearing the first time we kissed. I loved that smell. It was funny I never cried, I smiled. Her note brought me happiness.
Mum had a business meeting in New York and took Theo with her. She left the nanny in charge, well just to make sure I went to school and got home okay I guess. I watch as the door pushes open.
"I'm awake Maria" I answer before she calls out to me.
"It's me." To my surprise Millie was standing at the foot of my bed. She sat down not saying a word.
"What?" I ask. I didn't want her here, not after yesterday. I couldn't handle another argument.
"I'm sorry about Cece. I'm sorry I never believed you. I'm sorry."
"All I wanted was a friend Millie. Someone to talk to. I thought if I told you then you could understand why I am so upset. You never ever asked me if I were okay never Millie. Then you get upset because I was in a relationship with her?" Millie avoids eye contact with me.
"Like I said I'm sorry."
"Is that it? Seriously Millie, is that it?" I question. Obviously she misunderstood what I was saying to her. Nobody understood what I'm going through.
"I don't understand."
"Why did you act like that last night?"
"Because you love her more than me, because I'm not the one you're crying over. You left me and never looked back. And now you're gay. I was the one who was here for you from the start and you never saw it. I was always here and you never once called for me and now you need someone, your calling me. That's why I acted like that. I was jealous okay. There I said it, I was jealous." Millie stopped shouting.
"I never left you. You wanted me to decide and I told you I can't. You left, not me. What was there to be jealous of? We were best friends, Cece was my girlfriend you had a freaking boyfriend. Is this even about us?" I request feeling hurt.
"What do you mean? Of course it's about us, what else?"
"Or is it because I'm gay? And because I fell in love with Cece? How could you be jealous? " Millie never said anything so I assumed I was right. Cece died a month and two weeks ago and she's being like this.
"I'm sorry Fran. I can't help it, but you left me alone. How do you want me to feel? I'm not surprised that you're gay, I don't even care. I was just jealous. I'm sorry I really am. I'm sorry your hurting right now, I'm sorry your unhappy. I'm sorry about us, about everything."
Millie hugs me. It's exactly what I needed. I missed her; I needed her to talk to. I couldn't tell everyone about how I was feeling. Mum never asks or has the time to. I've been keeping everything to myself, I can't handle it anymore.
"Friends?" Millie holds out her pinkie finger. I laugh doing the same...
"Best friends"
Chapter Four
Friends?
"You should get some sleep" Millie stroked my forehead as she tucked me in bed. Millie had heard about what happened, I assumed mum had her come and see me. I haven't really spoken to or seen Millie for the past couple of months. Millie didn't get on with Cece and she wanted me to choice. Obviously I didn't chose but she didn't understand that Cece was more than a friend, how could she when I never told her?
"Millie can I tell you something" I shuffle towards her.
"Of course you can, you know that already" she smiled as she moved closer. I didn't know how she was going to act, but I wanted her to know the truth I wanted everyone to know.
"You see when you asked me to choose between you and Cece...Millie interrupted my sentence.
"Fran let's not talk about this, it's okay please."
"No it's important I need to say something." Millie kept quiet and finally allowed me to speak.
"The reason why I could never choose between you and Cece was because she had my heart" I waited for her to say something, anything. But it never came.
"Millie?" I call out to her.
"I don't understand. What do you mean she had your heart? I had your heart too, do you remember before she came? It was just me and you." I could see the hurt in her eyes. I never ever wanted to hurt Millie I just couldn't explain everything to her.
"Mille it's always and will always be me and you. You know nobody could come between us. Don't think like that. You're my best friend!" I argue the case with her losing every round.
"But you did, you let her come between us." Millie hollows at me.
"That's what I'm trying to tell you. Millie I was in love with her, it was more than a friendship. We were together." My voice lowered as I realized Millie had stopped crying.
"You were what?"
"I love her Millie, I always will and I always did. From the moment I first saw her. I fell in love. What did you want me to do? I couldn't choose, I could never choose." I could feel the pain inside. It screamed out as I cried. I hugged my pillow for comfort. Millie watched as she lowered herself onto the bed.
"You were in love with her?" She asks. I nod in response.
"Was she in love with you?" I nod again in response.
"You both were seeing each other?" I nodded for the third time hoping she would finally understand. Silence filled the room, as I watched her reaction. Millie moved away from me, I could see the disgust in her eyes.
"Fran you're tired, it's been a hard couple of days. You're upset because your friend is gone. I understand that, I know you loved her and she loved you. But you're not a les...Millie stopped midway in her sentence. It was as if she was unable to say the word.
"Lesbian?" I completed it for her.
"Fran don't be silly, you're upset. You don't know what you're talking about. Get some rest I will come and see you tomorrow."
"Millie we were a couple. Cece wasn't my friend she was my girlfriend. Why can't you believe it? Why can't you see? I'm gay! I've been gay since I was fourteen I've known for ages. Millie...Please!" Millie looked at me like I was a piece of filth. I didn't know she would react like this.
"You need help, you are not GAY!" Millie shouted the words at me.
"Like I said you lost your friend your upset. You miss her. End of. You are not gay; you never have been and never will." Millie abused me with her words, she didn't understand. I couldn't make her understand. Millie couldn't be homophobic, her aunt is bisexual and been dating a woman for four years. Her older brother is married to a man. I don't understand it. I walk over to where Millie is and hand her a box.
"Take it, and maybe you'll understand then." I crawl back into bed and turn over. I heard Millie leave, and watched her walk down the street through the window. I sigh as I throw my head back into my pillow.
Cece always joked that Millie crushed on me. I would refuse to believe it. I mean why would she? She is never out of guys to date, they throw themselves at her. I glance over at Cece's picture. How could a beautiful smart healthy girl die? She was only sixteen. Cece's mum gave me a box that Cece wanted me to have. Inside were pictures of us, CD's, posters, a book, her diary and letters. I didn't realize but Cece kept all the things we did together. The tickets from the movie theaters, a book I gave her, CD's that we both listened to in the car, then the letters and a note. The note told me that I would know when to open each letters, and that she loved me. The note was quite long. I guess Sammy would tell me when to open the letter, I mean how else would I know. Cece's mum left town a few days ago, she came to see me before she left. It was heartbreaking; she told me things that Cece had told her about us. I never knew Cece and Janet were so close, I wish me and mum could be like that.
I lay awake until it was time to get up. I decided to read the note that Cece had left, I half read it but didn't want to finish it. I cried halfway though, it's too painful for me. Reading things about us, when she's not here, when she not with me.
I don't know how to start this letter. I just want you to know I love you more than anything. This is hard for me, as much as it's hard for you. I know you'll be missing me and I'll be missing you. Everything happens for a reason, I am just so happy God let us meet before I had to go. I don't want you to cry be happy I'm not suffering anymore. I'm here with you. Whenever you need me I'll be there. I've left some letters for you, but I don't want you to open them just yet, Sammy will tell you when.
Look after each other. I spoke to Millie about us. You can't kill me since I'm not here. I love you Fran, each and everyday remember that. I know it's hard but you'll move on and find love and happiness again. I'll make sure of it. I love you so much. P.S Don't forget our promise and smell the page." She ended with forty-eight kisses. I guessed these were for the amount of months we've known each other. I laughed as I smelled the page; she sprayed it with the perfume she was first wearing the first time we kissed. I loved that smell. It was funny I never cried, I smiled. Her note brought me happiness.
Mum had a business meeting in New York and took Theo with her. She left the nanny in charge, well just to make sure I went to school and got home okay I guess. I watch as the door pushes open.
"I'm awake Maria" I answer before she calls out to me.
"It's me." To my surprise Millie was standing at the foot of my bed. She sat down not saying a word.
"What?" I ask. I didn't want her here, not after yesterday. I couldn't handle another argument.
"I'm sorry about Cece. I'm sorry I never believed you. I'm sorry."
"All I wanted was a friend Millie. Someone to talk to. I thought if I told you then you could understand why I am so upset. You never ever asked me if I were okay never Millie. Then you get upset because I was in a relationship with her?" Millie avoids eye contact with me.
"Like I said I'm sorry."
"Is that it? Seriously Millie, is that it?" I question. Obviously she misunderstood what I was saying to her. Nobody understood what I'm going through.
"I don't understand."
"Why did you act like that last night?"
"Because you love her more than me, because I'm not the one you're crying over. You left me and never looked back. And now you're gay. I was the one who was here for you from the start and you never saw it. I was always here and you never once called for me and now you need someone, your calling me. That's why I acted like that. I was jealous okay. There I said it, I was jealous." Millie stopped shouting.
"I never left you. You wanted me to decide and I told you I can't. You left, not me. What was there to be jealous of? We were best friends, Cece was my girlfriend you had a freaking boyfriend. Is this even about us?" I request feeling hurt.
"What do you mean? Of course it's about us, what else?"
"Or is it because I'm gay? And because I fell in love with Cece? How could you be jealous? " Millie never said anything so I assumed I was right. Cece died a month and two weeks ago and she's being like this.
"I'm sorry Fran. I can't help it, but you left me alone. How do you want me to feel? I'm not surprised that you're gay, I don't even care. I was just jealous. I'm sorry I really am. I'm sorry your hurting right now, I'm sorry your unhappy. I'm sorry about us, about everything."
Millie hugs me. It's exactly what I needed. I missed her; I needed her to talk to. I couldn't tell everyone about how I was feeling. Mum never asks or has the time to. I've been keeping everything to myself, I can't handle it anymore.
"Friends?" Millie holds out her pinkie finger. I laugh doing the same...
"Best friends"
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