Demons That Tempt Those I Tempt With (Chapter Five)

Demons That Tempt Those I Tempt With
Chapter Six
Simone

In this instant, I caught a glimpse of a tall attractive figure, which swiftly walked across the hallway. I assumed it was a figment of my imagination by the way the figure radiated. There was a certain glow, a glow of purity, a glow of love, a glow of passion. As this angel like figure walked passed, it looked deep into my eyes, almost as if it was studying me. Trying to work me out, I return the gesture not knowing I would be amazed by the warmth and kindness of this character. It seemed for a moment that time had stopped, just for a brief second.

I open my eyes, realizing that once again I dreamt the same dream as the night before. It was almost becoming a habit. I didn't know why I keep dreaming her; in every dream it ends the same with her walking off. Why God? I feel exceptionally guilty for dreaming and lusting over something that I could never have, especially when I have Cece to think about. I promised myself I would never ever love anyone as much as I loved Cece. How could I? After all we've been through, I could not possibly ruin the last few memories I shared with Cece over a grown woman who I barely even know. I mean I couldn't do that to Cece, I'm so sorry. I can't commence to describe the remorse I began to feel. Mum let's herself into my room, as I bury my head into my pillow.

"Francis it's time to get up, you'll be late otherwise." Mum whispered as she laid my jeans and top on the bed. I don't remember responding to mum at all; I finally removed myself from my bed, and headed over to change what mum had left out. Making my way to the bathroom, I noticed that Theo was already up and dressed eating his cereal whilst watching cartoons. I wished at the age someone would have told me, that once you get older you feel impair amount of pain every single day of your life. My life is actually depressing, I have no idea how I get myself up and ready every morning.

"Franny do you have to go today?" he asked as he slurped his cereal. I loved Theo to bits, I wish he was older so I could tell him much more than I already do. I've never ever lied to him; sometimes I think he knows more about what I want than I do.
"Don't worry I'll be home in no time" I smile as he looks up at me.
"But how will I talk to you" he asks nervously.
I couldn't bear not to talk to him, he was the comfort I needed every night. It's sad when you think about it; I live off my brother's happiness.
"You will, you'll see".

An hour later I was dressed and ready to leave. I grabbed a few things, and chucked them into a side bag.
"I wish you wore something more girly huh?" Mum questioned as I snorted at her comment.
"Do I tell you what to wear"? I asked.
"Excuse me young lady, do you want to go on this trip or not" She screams at me as I roll my eyes.
"You'll be doing me a favor" I reply.
I don't know where all that came from, I think I'm stressed more than anything, lack of sleep, everything is just bugging me today. What was wrong with what I had on anyway? I mean if I feel comfortable in baggy joggers and a T-shirt then what's her problem? It's not like I'm walking have naked like some of the girls nowadays. Honestly I can never please her can I?

I sit for a second, thinking about how events happen and shape your life into prospectus. I never thought I would be here a few years ago. My mind trails off, and then it hits me. I'm going to be spending three weeks with her, in a different surrounding. The thought of it made me physically and emotionally sick. I ran to the bathroom, where I threw up. I didn't know mum was there until I felt her hand rubbing my back and holding my hair up, as I heaved over the toilet. After 10 minutes of agony, I washed my face and headed out. I didn't know when or why but I had a tiny crush on her. It was amusing but hard to convey. I didn't realize until I constantly kept dreaming her. Why?

We were driving down St Clements street when I saw number 4. I could feel myself skirmishing of the tears. The images replayed in my mind like a movie. We always sat on the porch, holding each other watching as time passed away. Not saying anything but feeling the love and emotion that we shared for each other. Rolling around on the grass, play fighting, and watching the clouds go by. If I could just return to the days where we did nothing, but just be in each other's present even if it meant lying on the grass hand in hand. I wish I could have gone with Laura, I just wish I could have made it go away!
"Fran you okay" Mum asks as she turns the radio off.
Oh know that means she's going to lecture me about something. What was it now? "Fran look I know you've had a hard few months, we all have but this could be the break away that you need." Mum insists.

What is she on about? A hard few months, try a hard year.
"Why do you always have to make this about you?!" I question and I was right, every time mum spoke it always detruded back to her.
"I beg your pardon" she snaps.
I really can't be doing with arguing right now. I feel really sick, and right about now I would love to just curl up and die.
"Mum please I can't be bothered. You act like everything is okay but it's not. You have never ever asked me how I'm feeling about anything. You just don't care about me do you?" I shout as I turn the volume up on the iPod.
"Fran when your friend died I was there wasn't I?"
Is this woman crazy?

"She wasn't my friend. She was my girlfriend." I scream as I fight back the tears.
"Okay she was your girlfriend, or whatever you want to call her!" Mum snaps at me again. I couldn't believe she was treating me like this. She knew just when to hurt me, she knew I was not over Cece and yet she says hurtful things like that. I seriously don't know why I bother sometimes, I feel like I try and try but yet nothing seems to be giving. I wish I could just forget about everything, and just...

We were pulling into the school drive way, and there she was. I couldn't believe the timing it was oh too perfect. My heartbeat began to rise; it was almost as if I couldn't breathe. I was taken back by the beauty in which was created; she looked at me as I establish myself staring at her. I quickly snapped out of it, as my mind replayed an image of Cece. I can not believe the way I'm being challenged. I eventually get out of the car, and watch as she pulls out her suitcase. "Hiya Francis, you okay? You look a bit pale." She shouts over the wind. "Hi" I reply feeling myself getting hotter and hotter. Mum introduces herself as I try to remain stable. Theo starts to play with her; they give each other hi-five's in the wind. I stand, doing nothing but watching. I'm praying that she would just leave or do something, but just leave. I don't even know why, but I couldn't be around her without thinking. Contemplating...It wasn't like I never acknowledge her I always did. I crushed on her for ages until I meet Cece. Cece always use to joke about her being second in my heart. I hate to think, but I think the crush is coming back. Maybe it's because I'm lonely and missing Cece. I need something to occupy my mind...

We had finally reached the school gates. I smiled nervously at Theo as he took my hand. Mum came inside with me too. I knew I was in group 2 with Millie and Sammy but didn't know which teacher we were all assigned too. As I entered the hall Millie run up to me and wrapped her arms around me. "You came" she whispered in my ear. She hugged me tightly and smiled. I heard Theo running behind me towards Millie; she picked him up and swung him around. "Hey Girlfriend" Mum called out as they both stood in an embrace. Mum always spoke highly of Millie; she could do no wrong in her eyes. I loved Millie to bits; I wish I could tell Millie all my thoughts and what I felt. I don't know why I couldn't; I've tried over and over again. While Millie and mum talked I noticed Sammy standing alone. I walk over to her.

"Hey Sammy, you okay?" I ask as she lifts her eyes up to meet mine.
"Yeah" she replies as she bows her head. Sammy changed completely after her mother took her sisters and moved and left her. "Why don't you come and stand with us? I ask as I motion her towards Millie and mum.
"Nikki came in looking for you" Sammy says. I completely forgot about Nikki. I headed towards the toilets, and waited until the coast was clear to slip round the back onto the balcony area outside. As I pushed the door, Nikki jumped. I kneeled next to Nikki, as she pulled out a container of cigarettes.
"You're a life saver" I whispered as I flung my arms around her neck.

"I'm going to miss you kid! You know that right?" She asked as she offered me a cigarette.
"It's only a few weeks" I replied as I took a drag on my cig. Nikki and I got on great. A lot of people hated us being together, but we helped each other out. Yeah we had a drink and a smoke time to time, but we understood each other's pain. She was the only one I could truly speak to, the only one who would never ever let me down. "Here I've got something for you, close your eyes then" I close them as I await my present. I open them to a large bottle of vodka.
"Last drink" she smiles as she pours me a large. We engage in chatter, while we attempt to drink as much as possible.

Since Cece died, I hadn't kept many friends and it seemed like everyone forgot about her. I thought about Cece every single day. When I'm with Nikki I forget everything I block it all out. And if drinking is the way to do it, then it has to be done I guess. I can't keep thinking about everything. It's been two years since I last saw Cece, and it was killing me. My life has no purpose anymore, I have nothing to give, nothing to lose. I thought about taking my life too many times. Every time I attempted I kept hearing Cece's voice, me promising her that I wouldn't. I can't break a promise with Cece, especially as it meant so much.

Feeling lightheaded I attempted to stand up, but fell backwards onto the bathroom wall. Nikki laughed hysterically as she attempted to get up. We finally made our way out into the corridor, when I caught a quick look of the time. It read 8:30am, I didn't realize I had been sitting with Nikki for that long. Standing in the corridor we embrace in a hug. As Nikki starts to walk off a thought registered in my head, she has never met mum before. I think it would be hilarious for mum to meet her, I mean Nikki doesn't look like a normal kid. It should be fun.
"Nikki" I scream.
"Come and meet my mum and bro, come on" I plead. We approach the hall to find mum and Theo standing outside. Mum was on the phone as always.
"Theo this is Nikki, Nikki this is Theo." I introduce them.
"Hey little man, you okay" Nikki asks. Theo acting all shy manages to mutter a yes. Mum finally gets of the phone.

"Mum this is Nikki." I was amazed to see mum shoot me a concerned look. She looked at Nikki as if she was a piece of shit. What was wrong with her?
"Hi Mrs Williams I've heard a lot about you, it's nice to meet you" Nikki holds her hand out to shake mum's. Mum smiles and shakes nick's hand. I could sense that mum was far from impressed. Nikki hands Theo a lollipop and departs.
"Mum I can't believe you, what was that about?" I ask feeling embarrassed.
"Where did you pick this Nikki girl up? She looks like a little lesbian" Mum snorted as she chucked the lollipop away.

"Yeah she might be a lesbian, but she's my lesbian." I could see the anger building on mum's face.
"I just thought you would like to see who your daughter was sleeping with" I didn't need to turn around to see the look on mum's face. I heard her calling my name but continued on. I laugh to myself; mum knew I wasn't getting it on with Nikki so why was she getting so worked up. I couldn't help but not wind her up! I enter the hall to screams and laughter of fellow students, the head of PE was waiting at the doors for me.
"Where have you been?" She asks as I avoid all eye contact.
"Toilet" I explain.
"Look you deserve to go on this trip, so please don't mess it up for yourself" She smiles as she allows me to pass into the hall.

"Millie, Sammy, Francis...Where's Francis? Anyone seen her?" I heard the voice call out. I froze with excitement, I knew she would have been my group tutor I just knew it. I walked over to where my group were. Mum and Theo joined as we said our final goodbyes.
"Now Fran remember everything I have said to you! Behave yourself, listen to Simone and most of all have fun" mum smiled as she kissed me on my forehead. Wait a minute, Simone? Wow they got pretty close since I left, what did I miss?
"Are you listening to me?" Mum asked as my mind trailed off once again.
"Yeah of course". I pick Theo up and swing him around in the air.
"Buddy I'm going to miss you. Remember what I said, stay out of my room. And make sure you feed Toby in the morning and listen to mum." I hug him tightly as my eyes begin to fill up with water.

"Oh Fran quick before I forget. Nan said to give this to you. Make sure you keep it safe, and call me tonight." Mum hands me a small brown envelope. We make our way to the coach when Theo runs up to me in the parking lot.
"I forgot to say I love you Franny" he hugs me and runs back to the car. Everybody in line starts cooing. I'm sitting here looking at Simone. I can't help but look. She intrigues me beyond my own understanding. I can't help but not write about her. I sit her as words run through my head. I begin to write.

We have been traveling for approximately 5 hours now. We caught a train directly into Scotland, and now have to travel another hour or so to the final destination. I sighed as I pulled the blanket over me, and turned up the volume on my iPod. Everybody was pretty much exhausted from the train ride, Millie was fast asleep. I watched Sammy as she wrote in her diary not saying a word I sit back, close my eyes and continue to torment myself. I listened to the one song over and over again, constantly to remind myself of the memory that Cece and I had shared. It was the morning after the first night we had shared together. I had just turned on the radio and this song was playing. Since then we always sang this song together, to each other. It meant the world to both of us; we reclaimed it as our own.

The truth is I missed Cece so much, and would give anything to have her here with me right now. I sit back listening and reminding myself of all the good times we had and shared. I hadn't realized that tears were streaming down my face. I looked up to see Sammy handing me a tissue.
"You okay?" she whispered as I dried my eyes. I nodded unable to respond. I wasn't okay, I was far from it. I was hurting; I've been hurting from that day and think I'll be hurting for many more days to come. I watched as Sammy put her diary away, and yawned. In unison Sammy and I smiled at each other and closed our eyes.