Definitely Not Average - Chapter 17

This chapter is dedicated to Latoya and Phoebe, for commenting faithfully on almost each chapter in this story, and for creating such Awesome stories of their own. =)
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All I could do was stare at T.J, my heart thudding painfully against my ribcage, as all he had just told me ran through my mind like thousands of pairs of footsteps.

‘I will never forget the way Megan screamed, Grace,’ he whispered, his eyes shut and his body trembling.

I was also thinking about what I had told him; I had told him everything about my family, about everything that had gone wrong, and he had comforted me because he knew I was hurting inside. It was my turn to comfort him.

My arms encircled his neck, while I knelt up so that it would be easier. He buried his face in my neck and wound his arms around my waist, and though he wasn’t crying, his body was shaking so much he could have been.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I whispered into his ear, stroking his hair.

‘I’m sorry, too,’

‘For what?’ My voice was gentle.

‘For everything you had to go through.’

I think my heart almost broke on the spot. My past was nothing compared to what he had to go through, and yet he was apologizing to me? He had to be one of the most selfless people I had ever encountered.

I didn’t know if I should ask what I so desperately wanted to, but my curiosity got the better of me. ‘Where…where is your mother now?’ I finished off in a whisper, my mind already shuffling through the various possibilities.

A bitter laugh escaped from his mouth. ‘She ran for it. Saw that she had hurt Megan to the extreme and just took off – I’m not surprised,’

I bit my lip, still in T.J’s embrace. ‘Do you…do you ever miss her?’

T.J was quiet for a moment before he answered me. ‘Sometimes,’ his voice was small, quiet. ‘I miss who she was before her mind got twisted. She was nice, so kind and caring - like a normal mother. I miss that one, not the person she turned out to be,’

I hesitated before asking, ‘Do you think you’ll ever see her again?’

T.J shook his head. ‘Not in this life time,’

I knew what that meant.

I don’t know how long we sat there in eachother’s arms before T.J said. ‘Grace?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Is that why…is that why you don’t have any friends?’

I instantly became wary. ‘Is what the reason I don’t have any friends?’

‘Your mum,’

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, feeling suddenly sad. I could have had friends if it weren’t for my dad. ‘Yeah. I mean, I don’t choose not to have friends, it’s just, whenever I made any, they always wanted to go to my house, and I couldn’t let them because my mum…’ I trailed off, a sudden flash of memory of my mother in bed, looking lifeless shot through my head.

A sudden thought occurred to me. ‘Hey, T.J?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Does…does Rachael know about…about all this stuff you’ve told me?’

He shook his head and smiled sardonically, and I could only imagine what was going through his head. ‘No, I didn’t. Can’t you imagine what she’d say?’ He took on a sudden high-pitched and girlish squeal that sounded uncannily like Rachael’s whiny voice, ‘"Your little sister shouldn’t have been playing by the stairs,"’ as harsh as what he had predicted his girlfriend would say was, it was also true.

‘Why do you put up with it?’ I suddenly blurted out, and instantly wished I hadn’t.

‘Put up with that?’

‘Rachael,’ I sighed and gave in. ‘I know you don’t like her, and okay, maybe you love her, but I can see that she’s more of a burden then anything,’

He looked stunned, quite literally. ‘How…how did you-?’

‘Know all that?’ I finished for him, and my mouth twisted wryly. ‘It’s not hard to see if you’re looking,’

He seemed lost in thought for a moment, and then said, ‘I…I’m thinking of breaking up with her,’

It was my turn to look amazed. ‘W-what?’

He sighed and ran a hand through the hair that I wanted so much to stroke. ‘Yeah. I mean, I never…I never really wanted to go out with her in the first place,’

My head was reeling form this revelation. ‘Then why did you?’

T.J shrugged. ‘I felt sorry for her. She…she wasn’t the most popular person, and she used to get teased by some of her "friends" by how fat she looked,’ I frowned. Rachael had never been fat. As if he had read my mind, T.J said, ‘Yeah, I know she’s not fat, but she didn’t. So I asked her out just to shut everyone up. Of course, the popularity went to her head,’

He didn’t sound surprised himself by what he was telling me; as if had expected this, as if he had expected that Rachael would turn out for the worst.

‘You regret it,’ I concluded.

‘Yeah, I do, actually,’

‘Well, I guess I always knew it,’ I said offhandedly.

‘Really?’

‘Mmhmm; you were always dodging her kisses,’ I grinned mischievously.

He rolled his eyes. ‘Hey! You try kissing someone with half a ton of lip-gloss slathered on her "chapped lips", as Megan would say, not to mention the other crap she puts on her face,’

I laughed when I remembered how Megan had attacked Rachael’s appearance at the dinner table, but my laughter slowly faded and an immense sadness overtook me. Megan’s life had practically been taken away from her by the one person in the world who was supposed to love her unconditionally. And then my heart dropped. My mother was supposed to love me unconditionally, but I guess you can’t have everything.

‘You okay?’ T.J’s worried voice brought me out of my tormented thoughts.

‘Yeah, I’m just thinking.’

‘About what?’

‘Well,’ I started, ‘If two months ago, someone showed you this conversation we’re having right now, would you have believed them?’

He thought about that for a moment. ‘Probably not,’

‘T.J?’

‘What…what made you want to be my friend?’ I said hesitantly. ‘I mean, I never really imagined I would be friends with the likes of you,’

He chuckled, a happy sound that rarely left his mouth, but one I loved. ‘Well,’ he started, a thoughtful expression on his face. ‘I realised that, out of all my so-called ‘friends’, you were the only person who ever asked me if I was Okay, you were the only person I ever had a proper conversation with, and you were the only person that I actually wanted to have a proper conversation with,’

I was amazed again. Did he really mean that? ‘I…I don’t know what to say,’

He smiled one of his genuine smiles. ‘You don’t have to say anything. Just tell me why you accepted my offer of friendship.’

It was my turn to think. ‘Well, at first, when I first met you, I mean, I didn’t like you. I thought you were just like the rest of those snobby, stuck-up hypocrites, but then I got to know you, and I actually began to like you, against my own will, and I found that there was more to you then you put on for show,’

T.J grinned. ‘What can I say? I’m a man of many qualities,’

I laughed and chucked his jacket at him. ‘Oh, shut up,’

Our laughter faded into nothingness and we just sat there, thinking, which was good because I needed a bit of time to figure out how to phrase my next question. ‘Um…T.J?’

‘Yeah?’

‘So…so that’s why Megan is in her wheelchair? Because…you know…’ I could not go on.

‘Yeah,’ T.J’s voice was monotonous. ‘But…there’ something else,’

I frowned, curious. ‘What?’

‘Megan…she’s got,' he closed his eyes briefly, and when he next spoke his voice trembled, 'She's got cancer,’

I gasped. Could my pity for Megan get any stronger? It wasn't...it wasn't right. How could...how could anyone be cursed with such things as her? ‘R-really? But she seems so…’

‘Healthy?’ T.J finished in a bitter tone. ‘Yeah, I know. She’s undergoing chemotherapy at the moment. But if it doesn’t work on her…’ he swallowed hard and closed his eyes. ‘The cancer could become terminal,’

I covered my hands over my mouth and whispered, ‘Poor Megan…’

‘Grace?’

‘Yeah,’ I said absent-mindedly.

‘Can…can I have a hug…please?’

I glanced up at him, startled. He had never asked for that before. But I still held out my arms, because he looked so…so lost, and I knew how that felt.

He pulled me into his arms gratefully, and, because he was sitting down with his legs crossed, the embrace forced me onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck while he encircled his around my waist. I remembered that when I was younger, before my mother had lost the one person she loved most, she would stroke my hair when I had just had a nightmare, and tell me that everything was going to be Okay. So that’s what I did to T.J.

‘It’s all going to be Okay,’ I whispered, while I heard a rhythmic hum resonating form his throat as I gently massaged his head with the tips of my fingers.

Even though I said the words, I knew better then to believe them. When you have one life and everything that could possibly go wrong really does go wrong, you learn that nothing is Okay - that's just the way it goes.