Death... Is My Beginning

I will try to pay this debt
but debt payment isn't like perfume my sweet
It will not mask the stench of treachery that has become your burden... will it...?
This remorse has gnawed at my conscience for so long
That what heart I ever had...
Has been eaten away
I feel empty
I feel alone
I'm no one
I have nothing
Yet you expect me to be happy- for you
And for your own benefit
But what bout me?
You never cared anyway did you
You never thought I was worth it...
I want to be repentant for what I did
There is no peace
Without repentance
Do you understand?
Do you want to?
Will you ever?
You have too much pride to be contrite
That's the problem
Oh I know my flaws
I know them well
But does this mean I can fix them?
No
It does not
Too late
It is for me
I am too late
To be saved
So ill drown in you hatred
And you love
You life
And wish forever more
I had not been... xo