Death and Parents

Life is . . . uncertain. Uncertainty is perhaps the only certainty we have. This is especially true when you realize that in one day your whole world can turn upside down and in four months you can grow more than you’ve grown in 25 years.

My father was recently diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma (CANCER) and that diagnosis has made life even more uncertain. You get up in the morning wondering if today is going to be a good day or is it going to be THE DAY. During the course of your day you think: " I can’t do this . . . How can I not do this? Please let everything be okay." In this sea of uncertainty, however, there is a light.

You learn about the strength of your family and I don’t mean your immediate family but your extended family as well. My family has provided support by their presence and their love. You may thing that the added presence of visitors along side the care of a patient is an added burden. Then you see the light in your father’s eye when his sister from the UK travels out to see him or when his married daughter spends seven glorious days in her childhood home, or when her in-laws come to show their support.

I’m not saying that it is easy or that these visitors will cure what ails my dad but they most definitely provide him with some form of relief. My father always says that you never know when something somebody says will make an impact and this is so true. Initially my dad was quite depressed but as the visitors came and threw in their six pence, my dad grew stronger and more accepting of the diagnosis. He managed to become mobile after being bedridden and depressed for a month. His spirits soar now in the company of family and friends. He realizes how lucky he is to have the family support that he does. In fact, the visits from family and friends have turned into a strengthening of his faith and have had a more visibly positive effect on his well being than some of the medication.

Every time we have added or changed the medication he has taken a turn for the worse that knocked him back a week or so. I’m not saying the medication is of no use, it’s just that it has to be very carefully monitored and handled and it helps that my dad has a nurse for a wife and a doctor for a son. My dad has tried radiotherapy and has had one chemo-therapy but it does not seem to agree with him. So we only give him medication for any pain that he may be in and even then we are very careful because if he is over medicated, he does not want to eat and he spends most of the day in bed.

It’s not been easy on the family to see my father, a man of such strength, dignity and pride become bedridden and sometimes even helpless. He has been the main stay not just for the immediate family but also for the extended family. He is a philosopher at heart and his words of wisdom have helped even when we have tried to fight it or rebel against it.

It is, perhaps, even less easy on him and it requires that we, the family members be the strength and source of positive thoughts for him. We have needed to recognize when to push him to reach further than he can but also to know when to let him cry and let him know that he does not have to be strong because the family will be strong for him.

The father figure is such a strong figure. My father has been the strength behind our family and when he feels weak, his burden is twice as heavy. It has been crucial at this point that my family pull together to show him that his strength has been passed to the family and his weakness can be carried quite comfortable by the family because of the strength and love he has shared. It is easy to forget the love and caring deeds of parents and when they become weak we tend to try and push them of onto society or our siblings. However, how can one abandon a parent who gave them everything and taught them to be the best they could be? You don’t abandon; you just love and provide the strength he needs whenever he needs it. There is no sacrifice he would not make for you and this is another certainty you can bank on.

Four years down the line and my father is no more but his strength is still with me and his love still guides me and protects me . . .THANK YOU DADDY!!!