Dear Mommy...

-Mom
I’m going to try and explain the hurt I feel
I’m going to try to show the pain I deal

Close your eyes and try to imagine
Everything I tell you that’s about to happen

You’re lying there quiet and relaxed
Just long enough for him to reach his axe…

He lays it next to his side
His every order you must abide…

It’s like he glides it through your brain
With every yell you go a little more insane…

You don’t know what he wants from you
Your soul and mind he haunts that too…

He is everywhere that you will turn
Always yelling there are lessons 2 be learned

You just don’t understand
Why is your mother with this man?

Doesn’t anyone care about their kids anymore?
Why can’t things just be like before?

Just me and my mamma-jamma
Every night you’d make sure I had clean pajamas

But all the sudden you don’t care
And all the sudden you’re not there

What the hell happened?
Can you believe a man did this?

I was only 6 years old
Nothing but lies was ever told

"Oh no, he didn’t hit me.."
Then mommy why are you bleeding..?
"It’s okay, I fell, sweetie.."

All I saw was blood on your face
I went in the bathroom; it was all over the place

I don’t get it, when I was small
You’d always catch me before I’d fall

But lately I’ve been hitting the ground
Up in my room cutting my wrist, with a bloody sound

You say you care and I should know it…
But you have an awful way to show it…

Dating all these guys
Whose mouths are filled with nothing but lies…

But yet you choose them to believe
Please tell me this will end happily

I just want my mom again
I want to be loved like back then…

Lately I keep on thinking about this decision..
Is this life really worth livin’?

I mean maybe if I kill myself tonight
I could wake up in a better life….

With someone who loves me
With someone who trust me
With someone who will treat me more respectably

But the more I think about it
It sounds so stupid
I just keep thinking about those kids

I keep my feelings shut in a jar
It’s locked away, so deep, so far

But now the lids not all that tight
I’m going to open it, I’m going to yell and fight

I now refuse to keep my feelings hid
I’m going to make you see what you did

I’m going to show you the pain I feel
I’m not going to stop until you know my hurt is real

I don’t know who you are these days
I don’t know why you must act this way

There’s only one reason I’m going to live in this hell
I only have one secret left to tell…

I’m no longer begging for your help
But begging for you to leave me be, I can do it by myself

I’m only here for Derek, Hope and Emily
So they won’t have to be alone in this what is called a dysfunctional family

Why do you let him treat you this way?
How can you sit there with nothing to say?

When you are hurt and bruised don’t dare to knock on my door
I won’t let you in…you’re not even worthy enough to sleep on my floor…

Do you remember hearing me cry at night?
Why the hell didn’t you at least say eventually it’d be all right?

Is it because you knew it wouldn’t?
Or because you knew it couldn’t?

You say I should love you, you gave birth to me
But there is one thing you fail to see…

I never asked to be born
I’d rather be dead and that is sworn…

You say, "Oh I cried too"
But this whole mess is because of you

Because you are so weak
And the only thing you know how to do is drink…

And when you cried, you didn’t cry for me
You never cried because of what I had to see…

I hate you, alcohol abusers
And all you crack-cocaine users

But I’ll be her to make sure the kids don’t cry at night
And I’ll be here to tell ‘em it’d be all right…

I’m taking over the job you failed so well
I’m taking over so they don’t have to live in this hell

So say good-bye to mommy kids
And ill make sure nothing bad will happen…