Dear Mom

Dear Mom

Close your eyes and try and imagine
the pain that I am about to explain.

I'm not going to stop
not until you know that my pain is real

Every night I cry and cry
and try to fight the pain that I feel inside

I drank to forget
about the past

But when that didn't work
I took a different exit for my pain

I turned to the drugs
to make it all a little better

And it worked
it worked all to well

By the time I released what was happening
it was too late I was addicted to yet another thing

Although I was forgetting about the past
the pain was always there in the back of my mind

One night I fell and broke my drink
cutting me

I guess you could say after that night I got addicted
addicted to cutting and harming myself

For a while everything was great
that is until you got pregnant again

Moving me to Hacket, making me a mother
this did nothing to help my addictions

Unless you call helping addictions
making them worse and worse

By the time we moved back to Fort Smith you still had no idea what was going on
Even when it was right in front of your face

Every night I cried out for help
but no one was there to hear me

You were always out getting drunk
and having too much fun to care

You said that you loved me and cared about me
but that was only a lie

All the yelling that you did
never helped

Calling me and that
because your life was so fucked up wasn't right

Every night you push me
you push me closer and closer to ending everything

finally one night, after you took it to far
you saw first hand what I did and freaked

How could it be that your perfect angel
was well anything but perfect

But don’t you see I’m not perfect and I’m not a fucking angel
and that’s all your fucking fault

Now open your fucking eyes
to what’s really going on around you

Maybe this time
your other child wont end up so missed up and hate you for ruining their life

Now run along mother
so I can finish my last drink and leave this world