Dating Issues: How to Deal with Willful Blindness

When you've got the world on the string they are there. As well as when you are going through some rough patches in your life. Whatever happens you know at least your friends are there for you.

That's comforting and the same goes for the one you are dating. Their social circle is really a tight knit group. From what you observed they are funny, smart group with a wide variety of opinions.

But two things they all agree on

They love their friend.

They don't like you.

And through coded words that only the group understands, exchanging looks or just outright rudeness they have let you know it in no uncertain terms.

You are not naive. It's a fact of life that sometimes people who are dating do not get along with their date's friends. The same goes for relatives. It could be first impressions, or they reach that conclusion after meeting you several more times. Every now and then they don't even have to see your face. Just hearing that their friend is in a relationship for whatever reason sets their teeth on edge.

Yet there is another fact and that is you are currently in a relationship with their friend. They don't have to like it but that doesn't give them the right to be nasty toward you particularly if you have always tried to take a more civil approach.

No doubt you have some ideas on how to handle this situation but there is an obstacle in the way. It's your date. Not that he or she agrees with what they are doing, it's that your date seems to have a conscience blind spot on this issue.

If you mention it when the two of you are alone, they tell you that you are wrong or that's just their way of welcoming you to the group. That's all well and good but you know the difference between needling somebody in good humor and trashing them.

Your date may get defensive and blame you for the situation. You should be nicer or stop being so sensitive. The problem is you can only go by what you experience and compare it to how your friends treated your date. As you recall they hit it off well to the point your date was treated like one of the crew.

So what can you do? There's always the old standby of fighting fire with fire. You are here to stay and if they want to rumble than as far as your concerned, it's on! In doing this you are bypassing your date's blind spot and staking your ground.

This could either start total war and end your relationship or win the group over because you stood up for yourself. Not all your date's friends may like it but some will. From that the whole dynamic of your relationship with your date and their friends could change for the better.

Or you could go the subtle route. Since making the main topic of discussion doesn't work, see if you can make a quick point within the context of the whole evening. Don't dwell on it. If sometime in the future it happens again look at your date to see if they caught it. Just planting that seed may spur them to action.

You understand the rapport your date has with their friends. It's a good thing and nobody, least of all you, is trying to rain on that parade. But it's a two way street. Not respecting the choice their friend has made when it comes to relationships is bad enough. Willful blindness on your date's part only makes them think they are justified.

Article written by Daryl Campbell at The Relationship Tip. You are stuck with your date's friends them for the foreseeable future. Sorry for telling you that on an empty stomach. But as long as you are in this relationship, you have to deal with them .