Controlling Relationships

Wonder why we never came to know what 'actually' happened after Prince Charming kissed his Princess? How is it that they only lived happily every after? And if it is so, that's probably the reason why it's just a fairytale. Every relationship begins on a rosy note. Everything is hunky dory and the picture is perfect, with lovers madly in love. But what happens when there is too much familiarity? When you start getting too familiar with your partner (I mean after a long time together), sadly, it is only then, that you see the real characteristics. A controlling relationships oscillates between mild controlling behavior of your partner to extreme bouts of violent controlling. Nonetheless, controlling relationships are unhealthy for not only those involved in it, but also to those, around it. Let us see what happens in controlling relationships.

Signs to Lookout For

Complete Check
In controlling relationships, the controlling person, cannot live without controlling. The need to control their partners is simply inevitable. A controlling partner will keep a complete control on what you do, where you go and how do you do it. He/she will very convincingly try to get all your passwords and security codes. Your emails, messages, contacts and your every personal belonging will be very cleverly monitored and filtered.

Intentionally Hurt You
A controller will always try to hurt you in smallest possible ways. Controlling behavior in spouse can be torturous if the behavior is inclining towards the violent side. He/she will try to hurt you physically, by twisting your arms, slapping, pulling your hair and kicking you. In worst cases a controlling partner may even go the extent of giving cigarette burns, that leave permanent marks.

Easy Attachments and Commitments
A controlling personality will easily get into a relationship. Controlling relationships see commitments coming very easily. As a controller sees it, as the opportunity to be in control, a commitment is all it takes. A controller, will typically come up with phrases like, 'you are too good to be true', 'I want to marry you', 'I want to spend the rest of our lives together' and so on, when he/she only means, 'I want to be in charge'. If such behavior crops up in the first four weeks of a new-found courtship, then you need to beware.

Frightening Anger
In controlling relationships only one person is allowed to get angry, the controller. The controller in a relationship has absolutely no control over his/her anger. Driving like a maniac, throwing things, getting destructive, suicidal behavior, threatening, blackmailing and getting violent with you are some of the ways a controller exhibits anger. In an angry bout a controller will assure you, that he is not going to hurt you. However, when you don't accede to the demands, he/she will go to any extent of making you comply with it.

Isolating You
To control someone, you need to isolate the person. In controlling relationships, the controller, will cut you off from all your friends, family and colleagues. The controller does so because, he/she feels that the people around you may influence you against him/her. A controller lives in such unbound insecurity, that he/she believes that you will walk away from the relationship at the drop of the hat. A controller will make false accusations and will verbally abuse you if she/she sees you socializing. This will make you feel guilty and imbibe a feeling of remain aloof from the social circuit.

Mood Swings
In controlling relationships, mood swings are very common. The moment you give in to certain demands of the controller, he/she will sweet talk you into doing more for the relationship. If the controller has verbally, physically and sexually abused you the previous day, the following day, he/she will go out of the way to be nice to you. But this behavior of being overtly nice, is only meant to make you do everything that has been planned.

Guilt Trip
If you are in controlling relationship, then you will constantly be on a guilt trip. The controlling with sweet behavior will make you feel, as though everything is your fault. A controller will make you believe that when they cheat on you, hurt you, abuse you and treat you like dirt, you deserved it, that the treatment will make you improve your ways. A controller will never take the responsibility for their behavior. They will have a justification for every wrong thing they do.

You can read an article on characteristics of a controlling personality for more information.

An honest help for controlling relationships is, there is no point in toeing a broken car and dragging it. It only messes up your journey. Hence, if the person is so controlling then there simply is no point in taking quiz for controlling relationships to help you out. The last sign of a controller in controlling relationships is, a controlling partner will have a panic attack at the very thought of you breaking up. Try to talk it out with your partner, and if there is no understanding, just let go. I am sure there is something beautiful in store for you somewhere. Take care!