Controlling Husband

Many women, the world over, are into abusive relationships. Domestic violence is a very common occurrence too. The main reason behind this is that unlike the other life skills, that our education system makes us adept in, there is no source from which we can learn about the kind of relationships we should be in or how to handle relationships. That's why many women form such relationships in which they feel stifled and controlled but are too scared to walk out or sometimes they do not even realize that they are being controlled and abused.

If you are a wife who is trying to figure out whether your husband is indeed controlling you and your life or is it just you who is over-reacting, then here are some of the controlling husband's characteristics.

Signs of a Controlling Husband

Over Possessiveness
Being caring is one thing but being possessive is another thing all together. If your husband does not like that you talk to your friends or family, resents your going out with anyone except with him or questions you even if you are a few minutes late from work, then indeed he is trying to control you.

Argumentative
If you and your husband fight almost everyday, and you would rather be outside rather than be with your husband at home, then something is indeed wrong with your relationship. If your husband argues with you whenever there is a difference of opinion between both of you and always wins the argument in the end, then it is a strong sign that he is controlling.

Jealous
A very definite sign of a controlling husband is that he becomes jealous every time you even talk to a man. He resents that you have any male friends or cousins that you are close to. He creates a scene if you talk to or meet up any other guy.

Low Self-esteem
You might not agree with this one, but this is the truth that all abusive, controlling men have low self esteem and fear that they might lose their wives if they do not keep them in check or under control. They have very less self worth and feel that they are not capable enough to hold on to their partners.

Takes all Decisions
If your husband takes all the decisions about your life, right from what you are going to wear, what you are going to eat to how you are going to behave, then he is trying to control you. A controlling husband is more like a father to his wife rather than a lover or a friend.

How to deal with Controlling Husband in Marriage?

If you have a controlling husband, then there are various ways in which you can make him realize that you are not comfortable with this trait of his.

The first thing that you can do is to keep a "family time-out" every week . During this time, explain your point of view to him in a very calm manner. Tell him that you are feeling like a child in the relationship and that you need a friend and a husband, not a father. Every week, you can discuss all the times when you felt criticized or controlled or judged by him during the week gone by. Give time to him too so that he can put his thoughts across to you. Alternately, you can even go for marriage counseling, and sort out the things that are going wrong in the marriage. Reassuring your husband that you love him and would not leave him and that he should not feel threatened by your friends or family, might also help.

However, there are times when the person is unable to change himself. If you feel that your husband is not likely to change or he gets more and more abusive by the day, then the only solution in such a scenario is to get separated from a controlling husband. Divorce, though, it can be very emotionally charging and difficult on a woman, can be considered, if the husband is both emotionally and physically abusive and refuses to change himself. The woman should also make sure that she is financially independent before she takes such a decision.

A controlling husband can make the woman feel worthless, because he blames her for everything and can actually make a dent in her psyche for life. If marriage counseling fails, the best alternative for the woman would be to walk out of the marriage, before it is too late.