Composting Bad Guys with Chuck Norris

As a butt kicker of all things that stand in his way, Chuck Norris needs a bit of rest and relaxation time every now and then. How does he relax, you ask? He composts - bad guys? No, he composts for his garden. Though it’s not uncommon to find a villainous evil doer in his compost heap or spinning around in his compost tumbler!

Back when Chuck was enjoying his temporary hiatus from Walker, Texas Ranger (it’ll be back, just you wait and see!), Chukie decided to spend some quality time getting back with his green self. He achieved this by tending to his mother’s rose pansy gardens. Well, the Season 6 villains from Walker caught wind of his environmentally friendly activities and decided it was time to end it with him by feeding him into a chipper shredder. Since nothing gets past Chuck Norris, he was well aware of the Season 6 villains’ plans.

The morning that they arrived, they found Chuckie laboriously watering his mother’s flowers with his back turned to them. As they crept in for the kill, Chuckie was able to swiftly roundhouse kick two of them and send them sailing into a rain barrel! The remaining four stood stunned in disbelief until they were knocked to the ground by Chuckie’s iron fist and knee. One managed to back flip back onto his feet, but not for long for Chuckie wouldn’t allow it. In a graceful, Matrix-like fashion, Chuckie dropkicked him - right into an Expandable Worm Tower where he was overcome by voraciously hungry night crawlers.

Three down and three more still standing - Chuckie wasted no time. Using his wit and no-holds bar technique, he grabbed two of the Season 6 villains by their ankles and swung them into his poison ivy patch (poison ivy is irritating to us mere humans, but Chuck Norris uses it as a skin inhibitor for shaving). The last one refused to go down easy and came after him with a lawn sweeper. How foolish of you, thought Chuckie; you come to fight Walker, Texas Ranger and all you brought was a lawn sweeper?! Saving the best roundhouse kick for last, Chuckie sent him straight into an open compost bin; of course, Chuckie had to dispose of him in the garbage afterward because he was starting to make the compost smell like rotten eggs (an example of what happens when you have too much moisture in your compost).

With all six of the Season 6 villains properly disposed of, Chuckie was able to continue watering his roses and pansies in peace - until the hiatus is lifted, of course.