Complicated Grief

Christian Nevell Bovee had once quoted, "Tearless grief bleeds inwardly". This thought is a very beautiful one, to say the least. As much as this is true, it is also a fact that if you do not express your pain and grief, if you do not let it out and let it be there, in you, it will exert a tremendous pressure on your mind and your mental state. It is advised by all those related to the field of human psychology that we should vent out the grief, in any way we wish to - crying, howling, absolutely anything. Sometimes though, the shock or the trauma is so much that individuals just shut themselves off. There is no visible sign of grieving and mourning, but there are other symptoms which indicating that they are finding it difficult to adjust with the cause of grieving.

Symptoms of Complicated Grief

There are number of symptoms of complicated grief. The most prominent causes of such grief are bereavement and death of anyone else from the immediate family and close kin. It could be anything else as well, but this is the most dominant of all the reasons. The symptoms are:

• Loneliness
• Avoiding reminders
• Continuous, unending thoughts and memories or even images of deceased
• A feeling that grieving less would be being disloyal to that person
• A sense that grief itself is the only thing left of person
• Denial of death
• Superfluous detachment
• Depression
• Inability to carry out normal routines
• Social Withdrawal
• Irritability
• Thoughts of suicide
• Reckless behavior inconsistent with the core nature
• Disruption of sleep habits
• Obsessive thoughts related to death or on the contrary

Deterioration of self-esteem and a sense of despair and other seemingly negligible symptoms occur, related to the above mentioned core symptoms.

These symptoms increase or become clearly evident with the different stages and steps of grief. These stages are in a chronological order and are a part of what is called a grief cycle. These are - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Treatment for Complicated Grief

The base of the treatment of complicated grief is to let the individual accept the reality of loss in a healthy way. It is an experience to be worked through. They are taught and made to realize they have to confront the painful thoughts and work out a way to deal with them in a proper manner. Grief counseling and complicated grief therapy are two ways to deal with this kind of grief. Let us take a look at how these two work through the various stages of grief.

Grief Therapy
Grief therapy, which should not be confused by grief counseling, refers to the use of clinical tools for reactions of people suffering from complicated grief. This therapy might be needed if the reaction is prolonged or it is manifested through the above mentioned symptoms. Primarily a kind of psychotherapy, grief therapy is often used for treatment of individuals with symptoms of complicated grief. The aim and objective of the therapy is to pin point the psychological and emotional problems and find a solution to it. Eventually clear out the emotional stagnation or roadblock.

Grief Counseling
When the normal process of dealing with grief is obstructed or completely shut off, then it gives rise to complicated grief, and this is when counseling comes in the picture. It helps the aggrieved individual to express his feelings and emotions concerned with the death and the loss. It may involve listening to the tapes of the recitation of the patients' experience of the loss. They are helped to confront the grief in a healthy manner and remember the good memories of that person.

Apart from this, relaxation techniques and gradually improving the sleeping and social interaction patterns will help the person come out of his shell. These techniques require a person to chalk out a schedule, where that person does what he or she likes and enjoys doing. There should be something to look forward to fill the void created by bereavement.

At the end of the day, complicated grief is not very uncommon. Quite a few people deal with this. But this is also a fact that for those who have suffered a loss of their close ones, it is difficult or perhaps not fair on the part of the others to advice as to how to deal with the grief. It is impossible for others to know what that person is going through. You can just be there for that person. I, though, cannot help being reminded of a quote after writing about complicated grief - "If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble."