Coaching the Parents : they’re Part of the Basketball Team

One of the most difficult aspects of basketball coaching in high school or on the youth level is dealing with parents. The issue still exists on the college level but in a different light because the players are adults and you can treat them as such. High school and youth leagues, that is a different animal all together.

Hopefully, I can provide you with some of the insights I have come about in my years of coaching that might help you navigate through some rough patches.

Everyone’s a Coach

First we have to realize that we have chosen a profession that everyone thinks they can do. No one runs into a CPA and tells them they are miss-applying a tax law or to an architect and tells him that his buttresses will not support the corner if built at a right angle, but everyone tells a coach that he should have played a player more or gone to a zone. That is something that we just have to accept because it is not going to change. If you can’t grin and bear it, you need to find another profession. Learn techniques to accept or deflect the comments and then leave them behind. If you fight them or avoid them other problems will pop up. As I tell my players when I get to overbearing, turn off your ears, smile and nod, eventually I’ll go away.

It is Their Kid

Understand that in most cases (not all, though) what parents say is not directed at you as a person, they are just trying to support their child. That is a parent’s job and that is what you would do for your child, albeit differently I hope. You, as the basketball coach, are the only one that has ALL of the player’s best interests at heart. Parents are only interested in protecting their own child. Keep that in mind to give the situation more perspective.

Try To Educate

You do not have to explain your coaching strategy to the parents but you can try to help them understand the game a little better. When politely suggesting a particular defense or personnel move from the stands, the parent suffers no negative ramifications if the move does not pay off. It is always your fault. Parents also are not present in practice and don’t have to deal with multiple egos as you do and they don’t understand that is how you develop playing priorities. All they know is what their child tells them (which of course is slanted in their favor) and what they see (but don’t understand) in a game. Try to educate parents as to your philosophies and priorities so they can frame their child’s outlook and their own.

Keep in mind that not every parent wants to learn. They just want their child to be happy. Don’t take that personally.

Teach the Player to Communicate with You

Parents try to protect their children. By being pro-active and teaching your players to have communication with you will remove the need for protection. The days of the coach yelling "Jump" and the players saying "How high" are over (and rightfully so). Articulate your thoughts to your players and let them know where they stand. Saying to a player, "You didn’t play much tonight because you haven’t been playing hard enough in practice," is good. Better would be earlier in the week if you said, "You are not playing hard enough. If you don’t step it up you might not play in the next game." You can tell a player he is not playing much because the guy playing in front of him is playing better. When he asks, "What do I need to do to get on the floor?" tell him the truth. If a player feels that he has not had the chance to show his skills or that he wants to play in a different role, don’t dismiss him, discuss what he can do to fill that role.

Enlist Allies

Whatever issues a player and his parents are having, odds are you have had a player that has gone through the same thing and has come out the other side better for it. Use successes as your allies. "John had the same role 2 years ago and look at how well he is playing now." The player and parent will seek him out and the player and his parents will support you. Why wouldn’t he, you handled his situation correctly and that was a factor in his success.

Of course there are parents that, no matter what happens, will not be satisfied. They will shift responsibility off themselves and their child. You just have to roll with the punches. Continue to try to educate them (not placate or appease them) and they might come around. They might not. Be sure to keep your administrators in the loop. Tell them what is happening and what you are trying to do to resolve the issues. They might have some suggestions or intercede on your behalf. Keep your focus on your team and do what you believe is right. You won’t please everyone.

Jeff Haefner is the founder of www.BreakthroughBasketball.com