Children Should Be Allowed to Make Choices

As a parent it is so easy to say to our children, "it’s time to get up now", or "it’s time to eat your eggs and toast now". Think of the child hearing these words. There is no choice for the child. The child is being told when to get up, when to eat and what to eat. If the child is home during the day, my guess is the child’s day is filled with being told how the day will progress, what the planned activities for the day are and the child is not being offered a lot of say in the matter.

Children learn to make choices only when we, their parents allow them learn this concept. I believe all of us as adults have met other adults who are very uncomfortable making a choice. When we don’t allow our children to make choices, we take away the opportunity for them to learn this skill.

Here are a few suggestions of choices you can offer a young child. Can you say to your child, "do you want eggs and toast, or would you like cereal and milk?" This is a choice that allows your child to make a decision and begin learning about the consequences and rewards of making choices. If your routine is to first get dressed, then eat breakfast, what about offering your child the choice of "would you like to get dressed first or eat breakfast first?" Both of these are choices that should not impact your plans for the day and are very realistic choices for a child to make.

The choices you want to stay away from are the choices where you, as the parent, can not live with the choice. For example, if it’s summer time, you don’t want to ask the child "what do you want to wear today?" because if the child choose a wool sweater, you’re going to have to take away the choice. Instead you can say "do you want the green shorts or the blue shorts?"

You also don’t want to say "what do you want for breakfast?" because their choice just might be chocolate cake.

As adults we also like to be able to make choices. When we visit a movie theater, there are often several choices available. When we visit a restaurant, again there are several choices available. Even at the supermarket, there are several choices, both in size and brand availability.

Try it for a day. Pick a day and see what happens when you allow your child to make some choices about their day.

Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.todays-parent.com