Child temper control

Why will children temper tantrum?
Temper is one of the most common emotions. For a child, it will certainly occur during growing up. Temper, just as other emotions, is created by two simple reasons: seek for happy and avoid pain. But for a child, especially toddlers, they are learning everything and have limited ability of expression. They want something but you give them another or you reject them. Thus they will be frustrated and perhaps temper tantrum.

Seek for happiness and avoid pain is just the instinct; regardless he is a child or an adult. But for an adult, he has enough skills to deal with things well so that we can feel he has a better control ability. While On the contrary, children have not enough problem-solving skills.

Along with this reason above, scientists have found some biology reasons. Psychologist David Walsh has written a book, "Why Do They Act That Way?" and offers an up-to-date explanation of the biological reasons for teens' behavior. "The prefrontal cortex is supposed to harness the accelerator center of the brain, but the impulse-control center is under construction," said Walsh. "This is the reason teens are impulsive, risk-taking, quick to anger. The acceleration center of the brain is in high gear, while the brakes are on back order." "Adults use the rational part of the brain to read emotions," Walsh writes, "but adolescents basically do it with a gut reaction. And they are frequently wrong."

Why should we pay attention to child temper control?
There are two important reasons: one for healthy and the other is for future development.

Health aspect: A person with a bad temper is at a greater risk for developing cardiovascular diseases. It is also true for children. An angry child has more enemies than friends, and when the chips are down not many people will be there to help him, thus your child will not escape the influence of lonely. Lonely perhaps will also lead to temper tantrum, then again lonely……. you can see this is a vicious circle. As good parents, we also hope our children can live a happy life, but now you see what will happen if temper cannot be controlled.

Future development aspect: we all admit that early education plays a very important role on future development of the child. All the solutions learned during childhood will be the base of or even be the future solution. So we cannot just dismiss his behavior or let it go.

What to do on child temper control?
First step should sit down with your teen in quiet periods and discuss what behavior is expected and what the consequences will be if he cannot control his temper. Help him know that lose temper will bring hurt to himself and people loving him. The discuss should be effective in two sides: what hurt or pain will losing temper bring? What happiness and feelings will he get when controlling his temper well? Many teen take being an adult as pride, especially when people praise him mellow. They fell good and cool. Guiding him to know what behavior will a mellow adult will take is perhaps more effective. At the same time, tell him if he cannot control temper well, what will he look like in the future? Loneliness, few friends, bad relationships…... But there is one thing we must pay attention to: 1) Although we are parents, please talk to him like a friend. 2)Don't communicate the consequences as threats. Let him know the different consequences will be his own choices.

But if the child is very naughty and doesn’t obey, you can keep cool.
Sometimes to draw up behavioral contracts that clearly spell out the rules and the consequences is also a good idea.

Another important point is to make child clear what misinterpretation exists between kids and grown-ups. Tell him what you feel in a gentle way: "I'm not angry, but it does irritate me when ...... "Or "Or I'm not angry, but I do worry when ..."

I have told a philosophic story on a father teaching his son to carry on temper control. Sometimes it is really effective through simple actions.

Some people have come across such a question: when feeling angry, they cannot stop to think what they should do, temper tantrums. For this question, we have to make more effort. From the view of NLP, some certain bad thing and temper tantrum have formed a link, how to do? I have introduced In my articles: easy steps to control your temper.