Can You be Friends with Your Ex Boyfriend?

In reality, forging a friendship with your exboyfriend isn't really all that hard. You know each other, you share the same interests and friends... once the romance is over it's a simple transition to staying in touch and keeping friendly. Right? Sure. For a while, anyway. Because although establishing that friendship is easy - keeping it going is the hard part. There are forces aligning against you the minute the two of you decide to remain friends. And for this very reason, being friends with your ex almost never works.

As idealistic as it might seem, the following issues will always destroy any friendship you've created with your ex:

You're Still in Love with Him - Did you get dumped by your boyfriend? If so, you probably didn't want the relationship to end. When your ex said "let's be friends" you jumped at the chance, thinking that staying close to him would be an easy way back into his heart. But the truth? Any friendship with your exboyfriend in this type of situation will always end up hurting you. You can't be friends with someone when you really want them back. Keeping in touch in the hopes that your boyfriend will one day want to get back together with you isn't the best way of winning his heart again - there are other, more productive methods to fixing a break up.

He's Still in Love with You - If your exboyfriend happened to get the short end of things, he's going to still be looking for that romantic spark. Sure, in the beginning he'll play the part of friend. He'll try to be cool around you and do nice things for you without expecting anything in return. But over time, he's going to start dropping romantic hints again. As he tries to rekindle the flames of your past relationship, things will get weird between the two of you - especially if you're totally not into a reconciliation. No break up is completely mutual - someone always loves the other person a bit more, and doesn't want them to go away.

You Begin Dating Another Guy - Is your post-break up friendship going well? Not for long. Because the second you begin a new relationship the entire dynamic between you and your exboyfriend will radically change. Were you hanging out together, having fun? Ask yourself if your new boyfriend will approve of you continuing to see someone you slept with in the past. And as you spend more and more time on your new relationship, you'll start spending less time with your ex-boyfriend. He'll feel hurt and rejected, and no longer needed now that you seem to have moved on. If he still loves you he's going to feel extreme jealousy, and might pile a bunch of guilt on your shoulders or even try to sabotage your new relationship. No friendship can survive that.

Your Ex Boyfriend is Dating Another Girl - A mirror image of the situation just described, watching your ex-boyfriend move on with his dating life is going to really sting, no matter how well you think you can handle it. Being friends with your ex is one thing, but a new romance always trumps that relationship. He'll begin seeing this new girl and spending all his time with her, inadvertently leaving you in the dust. Will you act happy for him? Smile and wish him luck? Probably. But inside, you'll feel jealous of him being taken from you, even in a friendship type role. And if you were hoping to get back with your ex this whole time? That dream just got shattered right before your eyes, which will hurt worse than anything else. Not to mention no new girlfriend of his is going to let him hang out with you, knowing that the two of you have an intimate history together. Your friendship will suffer from all sides.

You Start Sleeping with Your Ex Boyfriend - Can you sleep with your ex? Sure. As the friendship becomes more comfortable, the two of you will find yourselves alone and bored, maybe slightly drunk, and figure "hey - we've done this dozens of times before while we were going out... why not one more time?" For a while, having sex with your ex boyfriend will be a huge turn on. It's fun yet forbidden, and you're sharing that close level of intimacy you once had. It might even feel like the beginning of your relationship again. But eventually? Renewing a sexual relationship with someone you dated is always going to end in one or both of you getting hurt. One of you will want the other person just a little bit more... or want to start up a romance again.

Even if you could keep things mutually fun for each other, could you go back to a strictly platonic relationship once you got a new boyfriend? How about when he gets a new girlfriend? Thinking you can put the brakes on such a raw sexual relationship simply because someone is now dating again is way too idealistic. Your friendship will suffer either way, whether you continue your affair in secret or you decide to stop sleeping with your ex boyfriend. As nice as it would be that this weren't true, one fact is plain and simple: everyone knows that sex between friends complicates things.

So, can you really be friends with your ex after the two of you have broken up? Not forever. Friendship with your exboyfriend is unfortunately doomed for many reasons you can't even control. Don't feel bad about it, but don't try to remain friendly with your boyfriend for the sole reason of keeping him around.

If what you really want is to get back together with your exboyfriend, you'll need to work toward that goal. Getting an ex back requires a very, very different approach than just trying to be friends with him. Dedicate yourself to that goal and go for it! By aiming for a long-term relationship instead of a pseudo-friendship, you're greatly increasing the chances of becoming his girlfriend again. Getting back into his heart can be easier than you think.

There are 8 individual Steps to Getting Your Boyfriend Back. Be sure to check them out! And don't forget to read the tips and techniques on how to build an indestructible relationship once the two of you are finally back together.