Can Women Approach Men?

Times have changed. Women, no longer do you have to linger at a bar, Martini in hand, just waiting for prince charming to come and whisk you away. Yet there are still women who do just that. They leave their love lives in the hands of fate. Do you want to be one of those women? Or do you want to be one of those people who TAKES CHARGE of destiny and makes things happen?

The question is a simple one: Can women approach men? Many women hesitate over breaking this taboo, with thoughts like "What sort of girl needs to approach men? Surely any respectable attractive woman shouldn't need to". Many women worry that if they approach a guy they are somehow devaluing themselves. They protest "Surely Mr. Right should be approaching me?" But this mentality leaves your love life completely in the hands of a dice roll. Let's suppose that from across the dance floor you spot a cute guy you want to know better. Are you going to leave this potential opportunity in the shaky hands of a chance encounter? Men are simple creatures; simple and very often timid. You might think you're giving him all the obvious signals, but there is a good chance he is oblivious to your subliminal advances. You wouldn't wait for a job to land on your doorstep; you wouldn't expect to wake up one day to find your body toned and in shape. So why think its ok to wait for this part of your life to just fall into place.

As stated before, with most men a subtle fluttering of the eyelashes isn't going to cut it, especially in a loud, high energy environment like most bars. You don't have to give everything away, just an opening to spark his interest.

Just position yourself (and your friends if you're with them) next to the guy you want to talk to and get his opinion on something you and your friend have been talking about. For example, you could say: "What do you think of nose piercings, are they attractive? My friend Sarah is thinking of getting one and we're trying to tell her that it's not worth it. What do you think?" Its a non threatening, easy way to start a conversation which leaves you open to other avenues, such as what piercings say about people's personalities, or other bodily accessories, like tattoos.

You can also start with a quick, matter of fact style compliment e.g. "You have good taste in shoes for a guy". If your in a bar or a social function then cheers him with your glass. Do this in a very casual way where you do not indicate that you are looking for him to compliment you in return, it should be more deadpan.

The key thing to remember is that at some point you want to withdraw slightly, either by going to the bathroom or the bar, or finishing your conversation with your friends, but tell him you'll be back so he doesn't think you're just ditching him. Then when you come back, make it easy for him to reinitiate without actually doing it for him. This way he'll have to invest something too, and it will act as a gauge for how interested he is.

I don't ask that you believe me when I say women can approach men successfully and still maintain their power and integrity, but I do ask that you try what i'm telling you!

Feel free to email me at matt@gettheguy.co.uk for information about coaching.

Matthew Hussey - MD, Founder - GetTheGuy