Butterflies, Regrets and Strange Kisses: Chapter 12

Nia's POV

A week went by and I still hadn't seen Nick...

Was I surprised?

No.

Then I saw him hugged up with Amber as the two walked and laughed together. I saw them from my seat in the courtyard; they walked along the brick sidewalk slowly. His hands caressed her face and she stood on the tips of her toes to plant a kiss on his forehead.

Was I pissed.

Yes and No.

Pissed only because I had allowed myself to open my heart to him again, and he was still with her.

He was still with her...

He was still with her.

F*CK MAN!

Then he saw me and his eyes gave me an unspoken apology. I gave him a tight-lipped smile and made my way back to my apartment.
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I played Musiq Soulchild on my laptop and turned up as loud as I could, the music would stop me from thinking so much. I kicked off my flat tennis shoes and dropped my backpack on the floor with a soft thud.

"Oh God." I moaned and slid down the closet door. My back burned as it scraped up against my smooth closet door and my butt hurt as I pushed from the closet door and dropped to the floor. I needed to feel this pain, I needed to feel something, anything.

I needed it.

"I never thought that we would ever be more than friends
Now I'm all confused cuz for you I have deeper feelings
We both thought it was cool to cross the line
And I was convinced it would be alright...."

I crushed the bag of candy to my chest as I sang along to the music.

"And my minds gone half-crazy cuz I can't leave you alone
And I wonder if this is worth me holding on."

I should've held on, it was worth it. It was worth. I ripped the bag of candy open and shoved a handful into my mouth. Soft,sour, chewy, sugary goodness to ease the pain. I shoved another handful into my mouth and found myself crying and singing along to Musiq Soulchild.

I weeped loud, I weeped passionately. I sobbed so hard all my energy left me, I felt as I had at my mother's funeral, so lost and alone and hopeless. It was all because I had given Nick away without a fight, he fought for me and I didn't fight for him. Innocent, I took someone else's word, I never thought it through. I just gave up.

Another animal sound found its way from my throat, and the front of my shirt began to look like a quickly drying puddle. I fell on my side and pulled myself up into a fetal position as I cried. I closed my eyes and hummed to Musiq Soulchild and let my tears fall on my carpet floor. Even when I heard my door open and close I still didn't open my eyes, I didn't care, maybe it was the God coming to take me home to my mom. The sick thought made me smile to myself, and then I thought about Nick and I sobbed out loud.
SLAP!

A burning slap on my shoulderblade made me open my eyes. Miranda was sitting on my bed now swishing her legs back and forth grinning down at me. I glared at her, but stayed in my same position. I noted the calculus book in her hand and groaned.

"Go away." I groaned and closed my eyes.

"Nope."

I heard the music cut off and my eyes popped open again.

"GO AWAY BEFORE I MURDER YOU. MUR-DER YOU!"

She rolled her eyes, "Get up Weepy we have a test to study for, and we only have a week. So if you don't get your ASS UP I WILL SHOVE THIS BOOK DOWN YOUR DAMN THROAT!"

My eyes widened in surprise and I sat up watching her strangely.

"Ok." She grinned, "Now that I've gotten your attention...."

She slid off the bed and sat down in front of me.

"Tell me what's wrong?"

I stared at her confused....'didn't she just tell me????'

I had never met a chick as strange as her, I mean sure I was strange.....very strange....but she was.....Well I had no idea what she was.

"Come on. I'm just trying to help. Tell me Weepy."

I shrugged, "My bo- ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend and he really likes her."

A reflexive shiver ran through my body as I thought of him and her together. That was supposed to be me and him. My eyes watered again.

"Uh uh." She searched around and then got up. I watched her curiously as she took the tissue box off my desk and handed it to me.

"Wipe your eyes, no more crying. Hear me?"

I nodded and wiped my eyes with a tissue.

"Its hard. I love him...and he loved me, but he doesn't anymore, and Michael's not my friend anymore because I kissed him. And Ivy's a B*tch but now she's nice and honest, and I'm the bad guy and the hapless chick."

I hiccupped.

She nodded, "Have you ever heard the expression 'if you love something then let it go, if it returns back to you then its meant to be?"

I nodded.

"Well don't believe that crap."

I frowned, "I thought you were trying to help me."

She laughed and tossed her red hair around, "I am. Ok you can believe it to a certain degree. Just don't hope too much about it."

I felt another sob welling in my chest.

"Uh uh what I say about crying?"

"Here me out. How do you know for certain he doesn't love you anymore?"

I shrugged and sniffed, "The way he looks at her, and the way she looks at him. If he loved me....he would be single like me."

"EH!"

"Wha-"

"That's wrong! Dead wrong, you can't assume things based
solely on appearance. How do you know he's not acting?"

"I don't know....and I don't care. I'm tired. Love isn't for me...and maybe I don't deserve him."

"Or." She tapped her chin, "Maybe he doesn't deserve you, or maybe you don't deserve each other or maybe you do."

"What?"

Ai! She was confusing me.

"What I'm saying is unless he puts a ring on her finger, and they get married then it means nothing. I'm also saying that you should leave him and her alone."

I fell back against the closet door and sighed. Leave him with her?

"Yes leave them alone. Let them have their relationship and you continue to be his friend as you said you would be. Live your life, let him live his."

"That doesn't help me at all. I want him now."

"Well you can't have things your way all the time? Can you?"

"I guess."

"Go with the flow, as I said live your life, and let him live his. If its meant to be he will find his way back to you, or you'll find your way back to him. Kidd you just turned twenty be cool."

I nodded again, she made a lot of sense actually.

"Let go, and move on with your life."
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Ivy's POV
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Michael wouldn't even talk to me after word got out that I had lied. He wouldn't look me in the eye for anything and he didn't answer my text messages at all.

Somebody knocked on the door.

I moved sluggishly to answer it.

"Darien.."

There he stood in all of his sexy darkness. He pushed open my door the rest of the way and then shut it behind him with a smirk.

"Word on the street is that you're pregnant with my baby."

I shook my head, "I don't know who the f*ck told you that."

"Come on, Ivy. Who else put it on you good enough to fill you up?"
I snorted and turned to walk away. His hand circled my wrist and he yanked me back.

"Then who is it?"

"Not you!" I spat at him.

"It's that dude you used to hang around with?"

"Who?" I yanked at my wrist but he wouldn't let go

"Nick...that b*tch a** nigga. The one you left me for!"

That's when he let go of my wrist and slapped me hard against my cheek. I fell hands first to protect my stomach.

"Are you crazy!?" I roared.

Rough hands turned me over until I was on my back.

"You about to pay B*tch. You about to pay for all that sh*t you put me through."

He through aside my flip-flops and began pulling at my sweats.

"No. what are you doing? Stop! STOP IT!"

His hand flew across my face again, and then he grasped my throat hard.

"Shut the f*ck up."

"Tell anybody about this and I'm coming back."

My throat burned and my face stung. I flailed my arms and legs but my strength was leaving me.

"Its..Your...baby." I choked.

"Bull sh*t. "

I felt a breeze just as my arms dropped to my sides heavily and I struggled to breathe.

"I'm.Pregnant. Stop...stop."

He was going to rape me.

"Shhhh." He pressed his finger to my lips in mock sympathy.

I closed my eyes and heard a zipping sound.

"Since you liked it so much last time we did it...."

His cold palms pressed against my mouth, and before I faded I remembered the pain of having something forced into my most secretive place.
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Nia's POV
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The dream came back to me...well not the same dream...but a progression of it.

*****Mary******
Master pushed me onto the auction block with my little boy. He wrapped his arms around my legs and cried.

Benji pushed through the crowd of auctioneers. His face changed from confusion to rage.

"Massa you sey 'f I'se stud for ya dat you wouldn't sell Mary."

Master ignored him and tipped his hat at the highest bidder. A man filthy and dirty beyond reason. I shook my head and cried as he leered at me. He moved forward and shifted my clothes so he could see my breasts. He pressed at them and smiled at the firmness.

Benji roared and attempted to walk toward Master but was held back. I touched the top of my little boys head and shed his crying.

"Sold!" Master declared with a smile.

I held onto my baby's hand as my new Master rushed me to the trailer, but his hand was pried away from mines.

"Wait! Ma baby!"

"Come Gal, I ain buy him! I bought you!"

I cried and cried and he did too. Arms outstretched as he reached for me. In the chaos Benji found away to Master and jumped on him. He pummeled his face with his fists and choked him.

"Benji no! Stop! STOP!"

I couldn't do anything I couldn't even stop. New Master pushed me all the more until I was on the back of his trailer, and as the horses pulled us away I saw the last of my baby. And I saw what happened to Benji.

He made one final cry, "Mary I love you! Wait for me Mary!"
And then three gunshots in his back signaled his death.

"BENJI!BENJI!BENJI!"

They had killed my baby. I broke down and curled up in a fetus position as I rode along to my new home.

Nightfall came and we stopped to rest. First thing Master did was lift my skirt up and push me to the ground. In the dark I couldn't see anything, but I could feel his grimy hands searching my body. I didn't have the strength to cry out or to fight him. I would end up like Benji.

The thought of him no longer living made me black out and when I woke up I was sore down there and Master was beside me.

I should've cried.

But I was only property

And property can't cry.

A year later I gave birth to a little girl.....Masters baby

*****Awake****

I woke up crying into my sheets. I balled my comforter up and cried into it and then turned on the TV because I didn't want to go back to sleep.
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Nicks POV
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I had heard the neighborhood was bad at night, but I didn't really see why. I suppose because before I was either driving, studying or hanging out with Nia. My social life kinda went down the drain when I got serious about school. Haha.

I felt a buzzing against my hip and then the ringtone I had picked out just for Ivy. Man eater.

Hell yeah! That's what that chick was. Smh.

I took the phone out my pocket, answered it and held it up to my ear.

"Hello." I said in a bitchy tone.

Nobody answered. But I did hear breathing, uneven breathing that is. I could feel the beat of my heart in my throat and I said again, "Hello."

The breathing got louder,more uneven and it had me a little shook up. Why the hell is she calling my phone and not speaking?!

"HELLO!" I screamed.

"Watch out." A male whispered and then the line went dead.

Wha?

First thing came to mind was Nia.

Oh hell naw that B*tch was crazy!

I dialed Nia's number. She answered on the first ring.

"Hello?" It sounded like she was crying.

I breathed in deeply and looked up to the sky mouthing 'Thank you' 'Thank you'.

"Are you ok Nia?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, but I'll talk to you later ok."

She hung up the phone without waiting for my answer.

Yeah I expected that. So what did he mean 'watch out'...and who was that?

I got my answer sooner than I expected.

Bright headlights seemed to appear out of nowhere and I reflexively shaded my eyes.

Someone I couldn't see spoke to me.

"Ay you know Ivy?!" A voice I determined to be a man.

"Who wants to know?" I asked slowly backing away.

"You that Nigga f*cking with my girl."

I held my hands up in surrender and blinked against the light.
"Naw man, I have a girl. I don't even know her like that."

"You calling me a lie? That right there is mines, ya feel me?"

I backed up some more and the car moved with every step I took.

"Look man I don't want any trouble. Honest."

"Too late pretty boy."

At that I took off running as fast as I could, I just had to make it back to Nia.

Nia, Nia, Nia.

Mom, Dad....

They followed me yelling and laughing.

I reached the block the apartment was on and looked up to the dark sky again to thank God.

I heard a gunshot and felt a sharp pain in my back.

My knees gave way and I crumbled to the floor.