Bush Pardons Turkeys…and the Jokes are Flying

By Anastacia Mott Austin

It’s been done since the days of Harry Truman, and there’s no sign it’s going to stop now.

Two lucky Thanksgiving turkeys, previously slated for the dinner table this week, received a Presidential pardon before beginning their new lives in Florida.

Voters on the White House website devoted to the turkeys (yes, someone who works at the White House is being paid to do this as part of his or her job), decided on the names May and Flower for the two birds.

It was top secret, though. Even the President’s speech writer did not know beforehand, as the place for the names was kept blank until the very last minute.

After the names of the turkeys were announced by President Bush, he added, "[The names] are certainly better than the names the vice president suggested, which was Lunch and Dinner." Or Scooter and Libby, which a press member was overheard suggesting.

After the ceremony, May and Flower were driven away in their own personal motorcade, complete with sirens and lights flashing (and taxpayer price tag, of course) and flown on United flight Turkey One, first class, to Orlando Florida, where they will act as Grand Marshals for the Disney Thanksgiving Day parade.

They will live out their lives as part of a live animal exhibit at the theme park.

It’s a nice idea. However, most turkeys bred for human consumption don’t live very long. Because they are genetically programmed to gain weight easily, most are obese and develop heart problems, arthritis, and problems walking.

Judy Pederson, who works at the Virginia farm where the pardoned turkeys went to pasture until recently (when they became part of Disney World), told reporters that the birds are usually in poor health and don’t last long.

But hey, they still get to live out their lives and die without becoming dinner.

Naturally, the nation’s bloggers had plenty to say about the ceremony. Online chatters used the obvious opportunity to comment most frequently on the photo op that accompanied news stories of the event.

"The Turkey is the one with the red thing hanging under his chin right?" asked one online quipster, echoing the sentiments of many.

However, the President seemed to take his duty seriously, saying of the pardoned poultry, "May they live the rest of their lives in blissful gobbling. And may all Americans enjoy a holiday full of love and peace."

And eating turkey.