Building Relationships, Commitment, and Love - Starting With C

We continue our series on how to build interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Commitment and love are important to all of us; they are worth fighting for; they are worth working for. You also should know that in spite of many promises there is no secret for success, no checklist of things to do, and just as importantly no checklist of things not to do. But we do have suggestions, now continuing with the letter C. We actually have a double series of articles for the letter C.

C is for communicate. This is a big one for all sorts of relationships, including intimate ones. Virtually all the relationships professionals and most people will tell you that without communication relationships can’t work. They are right. You have to communicate with your vis-à-vis, whether a loving partner or just a person in your life. Let him or her know what you want. But when there is a problem it is not necessarily a matter or communications. People may darn well know what you want. They may simply want something else. In fact, they may even understand your point of view. But these cads are unfeeling enough to have another point of view, their point of view. And yet even in these all too common situations communication may be of some help. At least you will manage to get your point of view out there. Your vis-à-vis can’t honestly say, "I didn’t know what you wanted."

C is for calm. Don’t make a big deal out of everything. By jumping up and down for the little things you may get your own way but at the price of increasing people’s resistance on the big items. Is this trade-off worth it? I think not. In fact in many if not most cases jumping up and down for the little things won’t get you anywhere, even for the little things. Actually that’s not strictly true, especially for people in the forties or over. Losing your cool can cause physical problems. Do so often enough and your body will pay the price. Over the years I have noticed that when I lost my cool when I was in the wrong it took me a lot longer to calm down than when I could truly say that I was in the right. What would have happened had I taken the time to weigh the issues carefully before blowing my stack? I probably would have kept my calm, and dealt with the problem more efficiently. And maybe even convinced people that I was in the right.

C is for concise. Don’t go on and on and on. If you can’t make your point in a few sentences perhaps you can’t make it at all. In fact, your point may not be well taken. While all the excruciating details may be of great interest to you, they probably are of little concern to most others. Believe it or not, people have lots of things to do besides listening to what you have to say. Or reading your viewpoints. Have you noticed that my articles tend to be short? There’s a reason, and don’t think it’s because I’m lazy. (That may be part of it too, in fact blah, blah, blah.) Seriously, keep it short and sometimes sweet.