Building a Better Adult Relationship by Decreasing Shyness and Increasing Playfulness Part I

An adult relationship is not really that different from a non-adult relationship (i.e. a friendship between children) except that adult relationships seem to be characterized by 1) more responsibility 2) increased accountability and 3) more commitment.  The requirement of increased responsibility, accountability and commitment over the years is normal, and when controlled very healthy, but it can lead adults to spend less time actively participating in wholesome recreational activities (i.e. enjoying themselves and having a good time) with their significant other.  According to Hara Estroff Marano who wrote an article for Psychology Today, "Most of us think of adult play as respite or indulgence, but having fun is no trivial pursuit.  In fact, it’s crucial to our mental creativity, health and happiness."1

Play is also crucial when developing a better adult relationship.  If you are struggling in an adult relationship, or even feel satisfied in a relationship there is no time like the present to begin, or continue improving your adult relationship through play.

Shyness: The Deterrent to "Letting Yourself Go" in an Adult Relationship
Being too busy and too involved are reasons for not having enough time to play in an adult relationship, but shyness can also be a reason for not enjoying yourself to the fullest.  Even if you don’t consider yourself a shy person, don’t count yourself out yet! Dictionary.com2 defines shyness in a variety of forms.  Some definitions include:

• Easily frightened away; timid
• Suspicious; distrustful
• Reluctant; wary
• To start back or aside, as in fear

As you can see, shy people aren’t necessarily always afraid to talk with others (i.e. bashfulness).  Sometimes they are timid or express fear in social situations, but other times shyness may manifest itself with distrust, suspicion, reluctance and/or wariness (i.e. these emotions may also be described as diffidence).

You can learn to control or even get rid of emotions such as these by learning to be more playful and taking time during your busy life to enjoy yourself in an adult relationship.  The following 10 tips (the last 6 tips can be found in Part II of this article) are designed to help you enjoy life and live life without worry, timidity, distrust, reluctance or fear.  They will also help you develop a better adult relationship.

10 Tips for Becoming Less Shy and Creating a Better Adult Relationship via Play

Tip #1 for a Better Adult Relationship: Conversation Starters
Getting over timidity and shyness obviously can’t be solved with a pain killer.  Just as someone who struggles with an angry temper, a timid or shy person needs to learn how to view people and treat people in a different way than the way with which they are comfortable.  In a great article that I found online3, the author discusses overcoming timidity by preparing for conversations with others.  In fact, the author links to another article4 which suggests reading everyday for new ideas and conversation starters.  For instance, you could try reading books that a humorous.  Humor and the ability to laugh at the ridiculous, clever or mundane is not only a sign of intelligence but can also be attractively playful.

Tip #2 for a Better Adult Relationship: Begin by Trusting Yourself
Another way that you can move past distrustful shyness is by learning to trust yourself.  Another online article5 talks about gaining trust for yourself by keeping commitments and promises that you make with yourself.  The article also suggest that you "get to know, value, cherish, admire, and respect who you are," and then concludes that thought by saying, "It is only after doing so that you will be ready to trust others."  In addition, the more you trust yourself the more you can forget yourself and let go of self consciousness in order to reveal a more playful you.

Tip #3 for a Better Adult Relationship: Smile and Think about Others
If you are reluctant to participate in activities or classes outside of your house or outside of work then you could be experiencing a form of shyness.   Take the advice of the author of Tips for Shaking Your Shyness6 and focus on developing one social skill at a time.  Even if your goal is to simply smile at five people during the day that is a step in a good direction.  After all, what could be more playful than a smile?

Tip #4 for a Better Adult Relationship: Take a Class
Also according to the author of Tips for Shaking Your Shyness7, learning to get over shyness can also be helped by taking a class.  I would also opine that taking a class will accustom you to control your fear more effectively or even push it away indefinitely.  Some ideas include taking a cooking class to improve the quality of your family’s life, taking a dance class to become a healthier person or taking a class that simply interests and motivates you. The knowledge that you develop and the experiences that you gain will help you learn how to converse with others at a moment’s notice.  Developing new talents also allows you to be playful with others who share the same interests and even the same skills that you do.
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About the Author: Marci Crane is a web content specialist for Innuity. For more information about building an adult relationship or for help getting started on what could be a long term relationship, please feel free to contact a Heavenly Matched representative.
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1 http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1175/is_4_32/ai_55010312
2 http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/shy
3 http://www.shakeyourshyness.com/Tips.HTM
4 http://www.industryweek.com/CurrentArticles/asp/articles.asp?ArticleID=220
5 http://personal-development.com/chuck/trust.htm
6-7 http://www.shakeyourshyness.com/Tips.HTM