Broken Home - Chapter Nine

I held onto Jake's hand as we walked into the living room. I could feel the dread welling up in my throat. This was just so complicated. I was worried about how Jake would react to me pushing him away again, but I had no other choice. I sat down on the couch, glancing at him to make sure he did the same. He sat down beside me and put his free hand on my leg. He held eye contact with me without saying anything. I stared back at him, not sure if I could begin now. He was so beautiful. Wow. And those eyes...I blinked once for a moment and then looked down at our hands resting on my thighs. I sighed.

"This isn't going to be something I'm going to want to hear is it?" Jake asked me quietly while looking at the ground. I wanted to cry, but I sucked a breath in a spoke.
"No Jake, probably not, but it's something that we do need to talk about. I'm sorry." I said staring at the ground. There was no way that I could meet his eyes. I didn't know if I ever could.
"Well what do you need to talk about Kassii? You can talk to me." Jake told me. I wanted to beat myself up as I was doing mentally right now. What was wrong with me? I started to wonder, but then I got my head back into the game. I had to, I would be gone in a couple months, and it was just better this way. Before both of us get hurt badly.

"Jake listen...I turn eighteen in a couple months.." I started to say. Jake looked confused.
"So?" He asked looking at me still.
"So, I'll be moving out. I can't stay here any longer after I turn eighteen." I told him. I wished this was all over.
"Well you don't have to move out right away, I mean I'm sure it would be okay for you to live here for a little bit after you turn eighteen. Right?" He asked. I sighed again. I was so sad right now. I had a chance to be happy and now I was losing it.
"No, I heard my parents talking this morning. They want me to move out as soon as possible. I couldn't stay here after I turn eighteen knowing that they don't want me here." I told him. I really couldn't. You should never stay somewhere that you're not wanted. And I really wasn't wanted at my home.

Jake sighed. I looked at him while he was looking at the ground. He turned and caught me off guard by hugging me tightly.
"It's okay, I'm so sorry." Jake whispered in my ear. I shivered, but at the same time felt like crying. He was apologizing to me? Oh, that is because I haven't gotten to the worst part. I pulled back and looked at him.
"Jake listen though. When I move out. I want to move far far away from my family. As long as I live near them, they'll continue to control the way my life goes. They'll tell people around the city what a bad person I am and the things I've done, and then no one around here will like me. I'll be all alone." I told him.
"You'll have me though." He said softly. He was being so nice, I wanted him to get mad at me. I wanted him to yell at me. To leave me. So I wouldn't have to do all this. I started to get angry. Why did he have to be such a good guy anyway?

"Jake, I can't only have you. You have school, you have friends and family. I would be alone while you would be doing these things. And every person you spoke to would put you down about being with me. They would tell you that you could do better, because you can do better! I want to move somewhere that no one knows my name, face, or past. I want to start over."I told him.

I was so frustrated. I had expected him to get mad or annoyed at me. I wasn't sure what he was feeling and that bothered me too. But all the anger and irritation I was feeling went away as soon as I looked up at his face. There was so much pain and hurt on his face. I could see the pleading in his eyes. I felt so bad and the look on his face cut through me.
"Kassii, please don't do this. We just started going out a little while ago. And it has been great. Your so amazing. I'm not ready to let go of you yet. A couple months isn't enough time. I really..I really like you Kassii, I don't want you to leave." He pleaded with me.

I closed my eyes to hold the tears back. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I wanted so badly to grab a hold of him and kiss him and tell him that I was just kidding. But I couldn't. Everything I had told him was true. If I stayed in this town, it would be just like mom and dad to tell everyone what kind of person Kassii Lyons was. They loved to talk bad about me, because it gave them something worthwhile to talk about. I couldn't stay here. And there was no way they would even let me live here in the house after I turned eighteen. I wouldn't want to. I glanced over at Jake. He was staring at the coffee table with a painful look on his face. He was waiting for me to answer to his pleading.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I just can't stay here." I told him. It was all I could say. He looked at me once, shook his head and stood up. He looked down at me for a moment and we held eye contact. I could see the hurt in his eyes, as I was sure he could see in mine. He nodded once and turned and walked out the door. I ran to the door and opened it. I watched him walk down our walkway and out the gate into the road. He didn't look back at me once.

Shutting the door, I walked back into the living room and sat on the couch. I felt numb, but felt so much pain at the same time when I thought of him. I told myself I needed to start getting over him, it was truly over this time. There was nothing I could do. Jake has had enough, I told myself. Just leave him alone. He'll find another girl who can treat him better, who can stay, who didn't mess up her life. These thoughts brought tears to my eyes, but I didn't feel them running down my face.

I must have sat there for two hours without moving because it seemed a couple of minutes later Josh came home at six. He looked at me once and walked in.
"Do you need to talk?" He asked. I shook my head no slowly, still staring at the TV that wasn't on.
"Is it about Jake?" He asked. I nodded.
"Did he hurt you?" He asked. That made me catch my breath.
"No, I hurt him." I told Josh. My voice sounded weird, like it was someone elses. It was hollow and empty. Josh nodded and held out his hand for me to grab. He slowly lead me upstairs to my bedroom. I laid down in my bed and Josh put the blankets on me. I rolled over and stared out the window. Josh hugged me and walked out closing the door behind him. I stared out the window and eventually falling into a dreamless sleep feeling completely numb.

JAKE POV
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It was a couple hours after I left Kassii's. I was still upset. I didn't want to show my dad how hurt I was so I came in and went downstairs into my room in the basement. It's pretty nice actually, but I wasn't thinking about that right now. I had only one thing on my mind, Kassii. She was the only thing that had been on my mind for a while now. I didn't know what to do. She wanted to leave, I didn't want her to at all. My house was too small and crowded for her to come here, not to mention my dad would freak out. I wanted her to stay with me. I know I hadn't known her that long, and that I didn't really know much about her, but there was something about her that kept me hooked from the day I first met her. I was falling for her, which is something that had never happened all my life. And it was killing me.

I sat down on my bed. I was feeling so much pain right now, but I knew it wasn't just me. I saw the pain in her eyes. She tried to hide it, but she didn't hide it well. I glanced out the window at the top of the wall. I could see a few stars and the moon. I wondered what Kassii was doing. I sighed. I knew there was no way I was going to give this up. I wasn't done with her yet. I was determined to find a way to make Kassii see that I did love being with her, and that I always wanted to be with her.

Laying down on my bed, I tried to think of a way to prove to her that I still wanted her. I wasn't even sure if she still wanted me though. That thought made my chest hurt, so I pushed it out of my mind. I just had to hope she did. I wondered what she would think if I offered to go with her? If she would want me to or if shes trying to give me the hint she just doesn't want to be with me anymore. I sighed and rolled over closing my eyes. I had to think of something that would make Kassii want to be with me again....

I hope you enjoy, sorry it takes so long to get the chapters out and sorry that there usually so short, I'm trying.=] Please comment!=]