Blood and Shadows - Chapter Nineteen

Hey everyone, okay I'm serious I will say it again, it's not the end yet! Stop worrying he..he! I will tell you all when it is really the end okay? Anyway, I've done a lot of thinking and there's a huge chance of me writing a sequel, since I don't want to leave it at that. Okay well enough rambling, here you go, chapter nineteen! Please continue reading and commenting until the end!

Thanks! Caelia.
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I felt dizzy and overwhelmed from Demetri but something was making me curious. I hesitated but spoke anyway.

"Isn't it hard? I mean by my blood." I asked, vigilance and concern wild in my voice. He sighed, a wistful yet happy expression was clear on his face. He played absent-mindedly with a lock of my hair, not keeping his eyes away from mine though. Those endless sapphire eyes that shimmered softly like a warm fire, that crackled quietly in the living room of a house. It knocked me breathless.

"Yes, it's very tempting, more than any other human's blood I've ever encountered. But I wouldn't be able to live in any world where you aren't alive." He shook his head in disgust. "It just isn't right. And it's easy to resist your blood's scent when I know if you might even be in an ounce of danger." He didn't smile as he continued to trap my eyes to his. I just nodded, understanding.

"Do I look fragile in your eyes?" I asked, my curiosity was slipping into my mind, questions began to form. I ignored the desire to blurt them all out at once. He hesitated but nodded.

"Humans all seem so easily fragile, especially you. Even though I know you're stronger than the average human girl and probably guy but every time you touched a dagger I'm reminded that it could easily hurt you. Run your finger along the blade and you've drawn blood already." He murmured, his jaw rigid beneath my fingers as he spoke. I breathed in and exhaled, I didn't feel fragile at all but I knew I was.

"What...what is it like being a...vampire?" I asked, stuttering a little. He smiled softly, his eyes lightly amused by my curiosity.

"Vampires aren't humans but even as the undead we have beating hearts and we still have our humanity. Except every sense we have is enhanced so much more, it's incredible. I see the night perfectly, it's just that everything's changed color, I could be able to smell your scent if you were outside on at the gates. And for our diet, when I was first awakened, I realized what I was and in that time, creatures like us were known as demons and were literally burnt at the stake. I grew depressed knowing I would want to hurt people and so I hid out away from civilization but I still remained in the human world because I didn't know of the shadow world then. I became weak and extremely thirsty, after a few months a herd of deer passed, I could hear their hearts pumping their blood through their veins and I could smell their blood's scent so easily," He paused, staring at me his expression expectant and confused. His arms tightened around me. I smiled with genuine warmth and understanding to encourage him, after that he continued slowly.

"I attacked those deer and drank. It gave me strength again but because vampires are designed to...feed off humans, the animal blood never fully quenched my thirst, but it keeps me healthy." He gave me a half-hearted smile, concern and sadness loose in his blue eyes. The sadness was nowhere near the devastation I'd seen in his eyes before, but it still made my chest ache gently. One of his hands moved away from my waist to stroke my cheek as I'd done to him before. His eyes still confused.

"What is it?" I stared at him, my own confusion encroached me. A cute impish smile relaxed on to his face.

"I'm surprised you haven't figured it out." He answered. I raised my eyebrows, unsure what he meant. He ignored my confusion and continued answering my question.

"You always surprise me. Anything I've done should have repulsed you so much you want to harm me or even much worse but you should have run away never wanting to see me again, screaming as you go." He touched my cheek, just to make sure I wasn't his imagination. It was exactly how I felt, I wasn't supposed to be the hallucination, he was. I bet if I stood next to him I was probably just some plain teenage girl who doesn't know her place. I rolled my eyes. He half smiled, but his eyes were solemn and dead serious.

"I wouldn't stop you if you did. I mean if it made you feel better. And running away would put you in less danger, away from this dark bleak world and especially away from me. And yet I wouldn't want to let you go. The two desires are impossible to choose..." He gazed at my face, continuing to wait for the screaming and running.

"Well, I should do a lot of things but I don't, because I'm not a normal human and I have something called my own free will. Besides I can't feel better, I feel the best when I'm with you. So I'm not running anywhere. I'd never leave you, even if you kicked me out the door." I scoffed. I wasn't the average human but when I found out what happened with Helios, Ruby, Demetri and parents I had wanted to run for a moment, to escape the whole world if I could. But I couldn't do that to him. Never. He half smiled again but his eyes remained grave. I looked down hastily at my hands. My stomach fluttered nervously. I played with my fingers as I spoke.

"Moreover, I'd be safe, no, safer here if I wasn't so fragile, so...human." I said. I bit my lip and looked back up at his face. His arms felt like stone had been wrapped around me, his face was frozen. I waited patiently, watching his jaw clench and unclench, I could see the conflict in his eyes. He finally exhaled and spoke.

"You don't know what you're talking about. And you've lived here for thirteen years without managing to be hurt well not in this world anyway," He said, brushing the scars I'd gotten from fighting in the human world. "awakening you doesn't change a thing. You'll be safe, there's nothing to worry about. You'll live a long happy life, I promise." He promised me, smiling at me. I felt safe in his arms but I wasn't happy.

"Yes, but eventually I'll die, and by the time that happens I'll be an ugly wrinkly old lady and you'll still be perfect and gorgeous. When I'm with you people will think it's disgusting, hell, I'll think I'm disgusting. And I don't want anything to separate us, especially not my death." I grumbled, okay I sounded like a total brat but that was the truth. He stroked my hair to calm me down but it barely helped.

"You would never change in my eyes and like I said I can't live in world where you don't exist so by then I'd have found a trustworthy vampire to be in charge of everything and I'll follow you." He murmured quietly. I shook my head.

"No. I'm not dying old, ugly and prune-like while you're angelic and stunningly twenty-one and I'm certainly not letting you die either. I want to be with you forever." I told him, trying to keep myself calm. His eyes softened.

"I know, and as monstrous as it is, I want to be able to be with you forever as well, Alexia. I don't know how you managed not to let my actions shatter your soul and send it to another world but I do not want to risk your soul against eternal damnation because of another selfish thing I wish I could have. The consequences of being a vampire are vile and painful. Me, being the disgusting evil creature I am, has already lived through it. As much harm as I've already done I will not let you suffer any longer because of me. It's repulsive of me and that's a huge understatement." He seemed to be talking more to himself, the scolding was there but most of it was pointed at himself. I could see the longing and agonizing desire he had for me but its presence was barely noticeable. It made me sad, incredibly miserable. He was suffering, because I was forcing him to choose but I didn't want either of us to die and I was going to make sure of that.

"I can handle it." I said, my tone disappointed me. It hadn't come out strong and persuasive as I wanted it to, instead it was this choked little voice that was guttural and nervous. I gritted my teeth, pissed at myself, because despite my shaky little voice I was sure of what I wanted. Him. Yeah it was shallow, unreasonable and suggested I'd lost my mind, especially after what he'd done, but none of that mattered to me. He shook his head poignantly. His agonized eyes met mine.

"I don't want you to suffer because of me and what's worse is that you'll tell me you're fine and that I did nothing wrong, you'll forgive me like you've done, even after knowing what I've done. I wonder if there is black sludge being pumped through my veins instead of blood sometimes. Being a vampire is something dangerous and unnatural, to your sanity and emotions mainly. One of the most ominous and tormenting consequences is being thirsty. As a young vampire you'll crave human blood, I don't want you to go through that, you killing someone because you only acted on hunger. You've seen those inhumane vampires, they kill random innocent people because of their hunger and thirst, they've lost every emotion and thought because of losing their humanity. I don't want you to become like an awful monster. I would give anything in the world to be human with you so I could give you anything you'd want, it's why I wanted you to go to school normally, to be able to meet a human who you could love and be happy with." He explained, sadness leaking heavily into his voice. I could see that he was disappointed and angry at himself for not being able to be human for me. I shook my head but my lips quirked into a small smile.

"Sending me to school like a normal girl didn't and will never work because I love you. Moreover if you awaken me, you'll never let me do anything I'd regret, you'll remind me who I am every second of every day, I know that. I trust you. And about eternal damnation, it would be hell anyway if I were to never see you again even if I do pass into heaven or whatever Otherworld there is. I love you, every part of me. Heart, mind, body and soul despite everything that has happened." I told him, feeling his cool skin under my fingertips and his stunning angelic face in front of me made me throw my head back, raise my arms in the air, cry out and embrace his beauty. The conflict was there in his eyes again, the desire he wanted and the desire which would be the right thing, according to him of course.

"I know, I would never allow you to regret anything like that. But you're still only seventeen, you have another four years until you have to worry about growing older than me, furthermore I am technically a hundred and fifty-nine years older than you. And especially since you're only in high school. If I do awaken you it will be after graduation with a few semesters of college. You're young, please wait because I don't want you to miss anything about being human and I don't want to see you suffer more than you have." I could've sworn he muttered something about him blaming himself again but his words were too fast for my human ears to comprehend. He hurried on before I got a chance to say something. "Let me think about it alright?" He asked, hesitating, but it was clear his desire to be with me forever was at least a little stronger than choosing to let me die of old age, the pain in that wasn't helping the supposedly 'right' choice, but neither did the sending-me-to-hell-by-turning-me-into-a-mindless-starving-monster thing help his desired choice either. I could also see the hints of telling me he'd 'think about it' so that he'd have more time.

"I'll follow your rules, about after graduation and a few semesters of college but when I hit twenty you have to decide." I told him sternly, I didn't want to become old and ugly so that I'd match him even less than I did now. He sighed. My heart ached and my gut clenched tightly in my stomach because this was really hard for him. I pressed my lips to his lightly and pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I know it's hard." I whispered into his ear. His arms around me tightened. I pulled back a little to see his face. He seemed surprised again but happiness was glinting in his eyes.

"It's alright. You're always unpredictable, especially when you keep reading me so easily." He murmured back.

"Why did you push me away, always keeping me at arm's length?" I blurted it out, I regretted the words once they were out. I wanted to look away but his eyes kept me locked with his beautiful deep sapphire eyes.

"Because it would have been better for you if you were with someone like Lucas, a human. And because when I'm with you, you know how I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, it's much easier to be around a person who can't see into your soul because well they don't...they don't..." He struggled for the word, but his eyes were sincere.

"Understand you." I finished, smiling a little at how he felt I could see through him. He nodded, the small but angelic impish smile on his face.

"See what I mean. But it's only because I love you and you love me that made it much more difficult to choose between what's right and what I want, which is wrong. But appalled as I am by myself, I'm happier this way." He half smiled, but his sapphire flames blazed, I could feel the heat from them wash through me. I smiled softly back. I nodded, showing I understood what he was trying to convey to me. The blue flames in his eyes burned brightly and warmly. The dull sadness and aching pain was there but I was hoping with time I could make it disappear complete. I felt my curiosity churning in me, beginning to get the better of me, but my gut would throb in soft pain as if I'd been elbowed whenever it seemed like questions that would lead to more pain for him or disappointment he felt against himself were on the tip of my tongue, waiting to slip past my lips.

"So how is a human awakened? It's the venom isn't it?" I asked, subtly curious. He half smiled but answered, slightly amused again.

"Yes, it is the venom. A vampire injects the venom by biting a human, it works like that with other creatures of the night as well, like actual werewolves, but if the human's body isn't strong enough to accept the venom and instead rejects it, the human will experience excruciating pain for at least three days, enough for the venom to leave the human's system and they stay human but even if they try again even if their body's strong they won't be able to be awakened again, or any other time. If the human's system accepts the venom, they black out for three to five days and when they awaken the change is complete. But it's as if the human's soul has left the earth and entered the other realm in those three to five days, nearly identical to being dead." He answered efficiently, his eyes still wary on my face. My eyes widened. I had no idea it would be that complicated. I continued to ask the endless questions until some unknown point my fatigue from my mind and body seemed to take over everything else and let the darkness consume me. Demetri seemed exactly the same as me, but I remembered seeing glimpses of him being awake when my consciousness slipped away from me.

When I woke up I opened my eyes one at a time to see if this was all a dream, if I had just fallen asleep in my room and my dreams were just all-too vivid and realistic, nope. I was wrapped in Demetri's arms, fitting comfortably against his chest, as if my body was moldered to fit perfectly his. I sighed quietly in content. His arms around me tightened nicely but he didn't wake. I smiled to myself. I hadn't felt this relaxed and peaceful since I was young, it was a pleasant feeling that seemed extremely out of reach. I looked up to his face curiously but did not make enough movement to even move him. All the despair and pain had been cleansed from his face, nothing but peace was on his face. He was utterly beautiful, so much I wanted to cry. I clamped my jaw down and kept my gaze on his face, that looked as if it had been carved to be the statue of a god but had come to life as a god instead. I could hear our slow steady heartbeats, his was a gentle smooth rhythm while mine sounded like a weird clock as it ticked at an exceedingly fast pace. His heartbeat's rhythm increased as he stirred around me. His eyes blinking as he returned to reality. His kind sapphire eyes, were no longer the deep melting gold but they were fine emotionally, he was alert and searching for, to my guess, my face, they relaxed and crackled warmly as they found my face. He stroked my hair, soothing my stupid loud heart.

"It wasn't a dream." He whispered, a mixture of soul-deep sadness and joy brewing on his face. I rolled my eyes but smiled softly at him.

"I'm supposed to say that." I felt his chest rumble beside me as he chuckled. He ignored me and pulled me up so that I was sitting. His eyes were distant like he was in a fantasy, but he continued to caress my hair as if it was to keep me in his arms and make sure I wasn't going to fade away like a powerful illusion. He stiffened, then left and headed into the bathroom that was connected to his room; and a few short moments after he'd already changed out of his black pajama bottoms into an ordinary black suit, no tie, it would seem very plain on a normal human guy but he, as usual, pulled it off and looked more angel than man. My heart fluttered impatiently but it was easy to ignore. The dull aching remorse and disgust of himself was stronger in his eyes but not soul-deep harmful. I could feel that aching he had lingering in me but I knew the reason behind those stinging emotions he had, it was because of my late parents. My heart threw me a harsh throb, but as I stared at him completely dazed, the throbs slowly subsided into a dull aching like Demetri had before. His eyes were solemn and grave.

"We're going to visit your parents."