Be Direct in Your Communication

I was raised in a family where communication circled around but never went directly to the source. If my mother wanted to know something about my brother, she’d ask my sister; if she wanted to know something about my sister, she’d come to me, and so on. Judging from the frequency in which I see this evasive communication style in business and elsewhere, I assume that I was not the only one raised in this manner.

Examples:
Phil believes that an associate is interfering with his project to gain headway with the CEO. What should he do? What strategy will insure his ultimate success?

Tiffany is certain that her new in-laws judge everything she says and does and that their criticism will bring disaster to her marriage.

Matthew blew his presentation. He is positive of it, and will shy away from the spotlight in the future to avoid such humiliation.

No one is sabotaging these three individuals except themselves. All they have to do is change their focus, get curious and ask the question. Sound simple?

Change their focus. All three have their eye and thoughts on the ill fated results of loss or embarrassment. What you think about is what you create. Each is unwittingly creating failure. However, if Phil changes his focus to amazing his CEO with diligence and creativity, what results will he then produce? Be aware of competition, but don’t let it adversely affect you.

Get curious. Tiffany notices her in-laws watching her closely. Are they really judging her? Are they perhaps eager to learn more about her through her actions and behavior? Is this more about Tiffany’s lack of confidence? Perhaps they’ve never seen a tennis match played or table set the way she does and they are enamored! What will this curiosity open up to her?

Ask the question: Truly, the only way to know something for certain is to ask. Why do we shy away from going to the source? Chances are high that if Matthew asks for feedback on his presentation, he’ll learn how to fine tune it; if Tiffany or Phil ask directly, they’ll gain valuable information as well.

Go directly to the source. This is never actually as difficult as it may initially seem. Additionally, asking the question saves time and energy; makes things much clearer and in the long run saves relationships. Even the most intuitive of us never knows where the other is coming from without an open discussion. Even then, watch for signs.

A method of listening in the coaching world is called ‘level three listening.’ This is listening with all of your senses—your eyes, ears, intuition, gut. Listen to what is really being said and what is not. This intense listening leads to intriguing questions which will result in greater understanding. Seek first to understand before being understood. Be bold this week. Dare to change focus, get curious, ask the questions you’ve held back on. Your communication will be so enhanced. Have a wonderful week and enjoy your discoveries!