Be Determined to Be You

Sometimes, it is just so easy to envy other people’s lives. One friend of mine has traveled across continents to see all the beautiful scenery and beautiful girls. I wish I could be like him. Another friend of mine is a freelance writer and journalist who sleeps during the daytime when most people are staring at the computer screen in the office. She would drink a cup of coffee at 10pm and then start to look for inspirations until after midnight. I definitely want to do that.

And here is another friend who likes getting drunk like crazy and uses some drugs when she is over excited without worrying about being broke, with her parents being the perfect providers who have no idea what she has been doing outside.

I’m not going to say I want to live her life. But since life is more or less regarded to be sort of a resume and it needs some unique points, items such as "Doing drugs (Hey, take it easy, I have done all the crazy things)" can make the resume stand out among those plain and boring ones anyway. Crazy stuff sometimes makes you sure that your life has been compact and experimental, or guarantees you a sense of existence.

If life is really a resume, you’d better somehow remind yourself that what you do may not only bring some fleeting consequences, it can be shown to others later. Yep, something not so ordinary helps you appear different. This can partly explain why a traveler is usually popular. First, s/he can easily break the ice by talking about the places s/he has been to and the interesting incidents s/he once bumped into. Second, they are used to making friends with others anywhere at anytime. Third, it evens sounds cool if you are a traveler, especially if you travel to places which are not included in the destinations chosen by travel agencies.

However, you don’t need to feel sad by comparing yourself to my traveling addictive friend.

While I am trying to figure out what shining points I want in my resume, some people already go further and try so hard and end up pretending. The basic methods to pretend are as follows:

- Pretend to be into something classic while you enjoy pop songs most.

- Pretend to be super comfortable in high heels even if it really kills you.

- Pretend to be very particular in cuisine except that you just never give in to fast food.

- Pretend to love mingle in a party although you actually want to go back home and watch a video.

All the methods make people really pretend to be someone else.

What if I’m not a traveler who has a pocketful of stories to tell or I’m too conservative to do anything crazy, or my life has just been - boring? Will I be informed that my resume is not selected and I have no way to be considered an interesting person to make friends with? (Normally no one is gonna inform you of that.)

Well, nowadays when people are too busy picking their daily routines, movies and friends, we’d better do something to show we have some so called taste. However… I don’t want to repeat any platitude because there are enough self-help books telling us not to waste time trying to be someone else but ignore the real self.

Wait, wait, let me go back to the beginning again. As I am counting every special friend of mine, I can’t see any more clearly how different people can be. It is a bit dangerous to be exposed to so many possibilities of what you can be and it can really cause a headache as long as we realize that eventually we don’t have a choice once we choose, standing in front of so many choices.

Robert Frost told us when two roads diverged in a yellow wood, we could not travel both. Taking either one would make all the difference. I can only take one road at a time and as it extends, it’s difficult to come back to the original point. I can only, be one person.

- If I choose to be a good traveler to satisfy my eagerness for insecurity and rootlessness, I won’t have a stable job and struggle for a promotion every year to ensure my sense of security. Nevertheless, these opposite needs are always both inside me.

- If I play too hard and get drunk too often, I probably will never be able to finish a complete article and thus become financial suicidally free, but not a freelance.

- It’s hard! It’s hard! It’s hard! To determine what you want to be most, to predict the best path.

- It’s even harder if you happen to be a bit schizoid and want to experience every way of life that could be.

But I still believe in intuition. It makes a weak voice that tells you what you dislike, what you like and what you like best. You will have an insensitive expression on your face doing something you don’t really like. Just look into the mirror and you will know.

Huh, here are my words: Be determined to be you. Don't they say life is short?