Assertive Communication Skills

Most of us are faced with a difficult situation at one time or the other, a situation where we just can't say no. That's understandable. But when we find ourselves not being able to say 'no' because of no other reason but the inability to refuse someone for 'How they might feel' or 'How unpleasant you'd feel', then it's a problem. Especially if you want to say no, but can't. Needless to say, it causes a lot of stress, conflict and unpleasantness in life and in your interactions with others. How do we correct this situation? By making a conscious effort of developing assertive communication skills. What is assertiveness and why are these skills important?

In simple words, assertive communication involves the ability to say 'no' when the situation demands it. But not in a brash manner like how you're probably picturing it. Assertiveness skills teach you to be more in command of your behavior, to say what you want to say while respecting others opinion and at the same time not letting oneself be walked all over or taken for granted. When you're more in control of what you want to say and do, and not be run over by others, or do and say what others want you to, then it can be said that a person is assertive enough. Assertiveness leads to lesser conflict and stress in life because there are lesser chances of confrontation, inner conflict and/or displaced anger. Therefore, developing assertiveness skills allows a person to be in control of their life in all totality and leads to the building of self-esteem and confidence.

Tips for Developing Assertiveness

There is a difference between being aggressive and assertive. An aggressive stance is an example of closed behavior, where others opinions are not taken into account. An aggressive person does not accommodate others and does not think beyond what he wants of the situation. An assertive person respects others' opinions sufficiently, but he does not take things lying low. He has the ability to take control of the situation and thereby not allow anyone to take him for granted. Training for developing these skills is therefore, necessary for everyone.

Understand Yourself. Understand the Situation
It is important to know whether you are being run over by others. Understand whether you are being taken for granted. Monitor your response and behavior patterns and look for the number of times that you are unable to say no or put your foot down. Until you know that you are not assertive, you cannot change the situation at hand. And now that you know that there's a difference between assertive, passive and aggressive behavior, you will know what is the correct stance to adopt.

Change your Stance
If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. Similarly, if you don't adopt a stance or an image that shows you mean business and that you're no pushover, no one's going to take you seriously either. Adopt the correct nonverbal body language which shows that you're in command. A straight back, hands firmly placed on the sides, direct eye contact and a set mouth are some of the signs that will help people understand your body language and gage that you cannot be pushed over and taken advantage of. Similarly, remaining calm in any given situation and not giving in to the anger or frustration, is necessary. This is seen to be one of the best assertive skills for professionals to adopt, because they have to maintain the right balance in the professional world. This is one of the best ways to showcase assertiveness in the workplace.

Learn Correct Responses
You need to back the non-verbal body language signs with your responses as well. Teach yourself to say 'no' when the situation demands it. And not necessarily in those words alone, but something to that effect. For example, when a friend calls in distress to talk about her rough day at work and you have to leave for an appointment, be assertive. After having listened to her for a minute or two, empathize with her but say that you have to leave and that you'll catch her later. This way you've not hurt her and neither have you suffered a loss by being late.

Similarly, different situations will demand different responses. One has to develop the essence of these skills so that one learns how to communicate effectively in any given situation.

Prepare a Response
This is how it usually happens - you get pulled into doing something you don't want to because the situation, demand or request is suddenly sprung upon you. Acquiring the assertive skills techniques will help in dealing with situations like these in time. Until then, we can definitely prepare for situations that we know are going to arise and prepare for an appropriate response so that we are not frazzled at the last minute and give in. For example, if you know that at the staff meeting someone is going to ask you to take on more tasks, then you can say from beforehand that you'd have liked to help, but that you already have too much to work with and that new tasks cannot be given the time and attention that they deserve.

Being assertive is necessary in today's times. Developing and honing one's assertive communication skills will help exert the correct amount of control on one's responses and behavior patterns. And that is why you should aim at being assertive so you can be stress free and have lesser internal and external conflicts. After all, living your life in the way you want it is a good thing. Is it not?