As the Darkness Fades

I sit down on my bed, can't get these damn thoughts out of my head
I reach for it, and grab hold of it while it glimmers in my hand
I can smell the fresh oil, as I feel the cold feeling of its weight in my grip
Why did I do all the things I have done, caused all this pain and anguish
Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself, I feel lost, and hopeless.

Again and again I feel the piercing migraine caused by the stress in my life
I hit the release, and it's clip lands on my lap, I just stare blankly for a moment
I reach under my bed, and draw out a small box, feeling its weight, I open it
I pluck out a single 180 grain monster, and place it on my nightstand
I feel more lost then ever before, I can't get over the pain, it's all over.. right?

Why should I continue on hating myself, with everything I hold dear, gone..
I pick up the small deliverer of death in my fingers, and spin it a couple times
I grab the clip, and slip the little bastard into the clip, it slides in easily
I grab the slide and slowly draw it back, I hear that familiar clank as it slams home
Life is nothing but misery, drugs have consumed me, living on is futile.

I look down at the 40 caliber in my hand, and take a deep breath, and let it out
I raise my hand, and place the cold tip of the 3 inch barrel on the side of my head
My whole body shivers with the ice-cold brush of it touching my ear lobe
I draw the trigger back with my finger without any hesitation... Darkness...

I hear a piercing scream, holy fucking shit, I sit up so fast I get dizzy..
I am cold, and soaked in sweat, my whole body is shaking
Thank God it was just a nightmare, I actually.. used to think about doing that?
I live today a happy man, despite the fact that I have lost so many things
Although life is still tough, I feel the hope that the 12 steps bring.