Are You Using These Five Effective Parenting Tips? Part I

These are the first 5 of 10 Effective Parenting Tips – look for the next 5 in our next article.

Your kids deserve your very best all the time. You’ve only got one chance to mold them into the kind of adult who is productive, thoughtful, enthusiastic, visionary and hardworking. You won’t always feel good about doing what is necessary, but remembering that you’ve only got one chance to get it right for them will help you do what you need to do. Here are five effective parenting tips to help you:

1. There Is No Tomorrow.
You’ve only got right now, today, to do the right thing and to be there emotionally for your children.. Once this "right now" is gone, it’s gone forever. Decide that you will make the most of every single moment as often as possible. Decide that you will give them your complete attention even if it means setting your stuff aside. Of course you won’t be at the 100% level. No one is. But if you decide in this right now moment to utilize as many of the following right now moments with your kid’s benefit held at the forefront, they will benefit from your decision.

2. Begin With The End In Mind.
It won’t do any good when your child is eighteen years old to look back and wish you’d done things differently. Right now is when you get to make the decisions that will affect his getting to eighteen. Think through what you’d like that to be and then think about how you’ll have to "be" in the intervening years to help your child accomplish that. Be sure to listen to what your child says he wants and weave that into the plan. Help your child become an achiever. Your primary goal as a parent is to give your children the tools that they can use to lead happy, healthy and successful lives. That’s all that matters. That is your magnificent obsession. Remind yourself each day of the goal you’re working towards and remind yourself that it doesn’t happen in a single day.

3. Your Influence Is Greatest Every Day.
Teaching is what you do every time you interact with your children. And it always happens today. Whether you’re helping with homework, going to watch a basketball game or sitting down to have dinner, you are teaching them. It doesn’t matter if you’re having dinner in your kitchen or if you’re a part-time parent who is having dinner at McDonald’s. What matters is that you’re really there. You are a guide and an anchor. Know that you are a teacher, that you are a role model. That’s how you will have the greatest impact on your children. Parenting isn’t about stirring speeches or big events. It’s about the quiet times and the little things.

4. Listen To Them. You’ll Be Amazed.
Listening to your children is the essence of being with them. When that little voice in your head is rattling on incessantly about the past or the future, or coming up with an answer to what you think they’re saying, you’re not really hearing what they say. If you’re not present with your children, they know it. What is the message you’re telling them if you’re not present? They’re not worthy? They’re not important? They’re not valuable? Stop. Look. Listen. That means stop what you’re doing, stop watching the T.V., stop reading the paper, stop thinking about other things. Look. Look into their eyes, you’re less likely to be distracted when you’re looking into their eyes. Listen. Don’t let that voice in your head drown them out. Sometimes to make sure I’m listening, I will repeat in my head what they’re saying.

5. Control Your Emotions.
Don’t yell at your children. If you yell at children, they do not hear you. Instead, you’re simply upsetting them. That doesn’t mean if you’ve yelled at your children, you’re going to destroy their psyche. Remember, take the long view. We’re building a foundation one brick at a time. None of us is perfect. Yelling at your children and upsetting them once will have no effect on them. Yelling at them the entire time they grow up, well…..let’s hope that somehow children who have to deal with that eventually learn how to overcome it. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. The point here is that it’s not effective. It’s not promoting your magnificent obsession. Identify what it is that really triggers that emotion. It’s not your children. Keep in mind your goal of being a great parent and then create a disconnect. Emotions aren’t a bad thing. The problem is that we have triggers that release our emotions without thinking.

If you use these effective parenting tips, you’ll be on your way to a healthy and happier relationship with your children. Look for five more tips in our next installment in this series.