Are Fat People Causing Global Warming?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/london/content/articles/2007/03/07/obesity_video_feature.shtml

Big fat slob Sharon Mevsimler has been told to loose weight or she will die within months.

Sharon, from Essex, has complained of being left to die by the NHS. "They haven’t helped me with my problem" she moaned to reports while filling her face with a KFC family size bucket of chicken.

She bleated "It’s not my fault - I need help." The question was put to Sharon that she only has her self to blame for being a greedy bastard. She replied "No it’s not true, I only eat salads". Unfortunately for Sharon her daughter Becky was on hand to say "But mum your salads are the size of a football field and covered in mayonnaise" she went on "and it comes with a side order of a kilo of chips".

Essex Social Services have taken up Sharon’s case and are now looking into it. A do-gooder spokeswoman said. "We think Sharon has been the victim of a society that doesn’t care for people who a bit on the podgy side" She added. "Only last summer Sharon was swimming on holiday when she was attacked by a Japanese whaling vessel. If it hadn’t been for Greenpeace she wouldn’t be here now. It’s disgraceful"

A professor at Oxford University commented that "Our studies have shown that Sharon is so fat she is causing an anomaly in the earth’s gravitational field. It’s fatties like her that are knocking our planet of its normal axis by 1 degree and are the real cause of global warming."

Ministers are asking for an independent enquiry with a proposal that if it’s true anyone over 20 stone should be melted down for their fat and used as reusable energy supply. Bernard Mathews has applied for a license to farm fat people just in case the proposal goes through.

An official from the Department of the Environment said "Lets not jumped to conclusions, especially Sharon because if she jumps we could end up spinning off into outer space."

Gordon Brown is proposing new measures to help fat people loose weight by increasing VAT to 60% on all oversized garments and fast food. This caused uproar on the conservative bench and has led to accusation of "creaming off the fat". One MP announced that "this ought to be called the Sharon tax. It’s greedy, unfair on the rest of us and down right obscene."