Apartment Fivers: I'm Not a Lesbian!!

Head pounding, eyes bloodshot and hair greasy and tangled, Candace sat down at the far end of a circle of girls seated on the floor of the Whisper Lingerie store in Westshore Plaza Mall. She was over an hour late to the staff meeting. Her original plan was to get up early and get Charlie to drive her back to her apartment where she would shower and change her clothes, and then go to the meeting. However, the amount of alcohol she consumed the previous night relaxed her so much that she slept through her cell phone alarm. When she finally woke up, she didn’t have time to go to her apartment, so she had Charlie drive her directly to the meeting. She looked like crap warmed over. Her clothes smelled like smoke, sweat and beer and her breath smelled even worse. She was sure that whenever she moved, a cloud of dust would materialize, so she tried to keep still. She also tried avoiding Amanda’s angry, disapproving glare. Candace could feel her eyes on her as she tried to focus on the television screen that was currently showing a model wearing some new bra. When she did let her eyes wander, she was surprised to see Jen sitting across the circle. Jen looked as bad as Candace, but managed to grin and make a drinking motion with her hand when she caught Candace’s eye. Candace shook her head; she didn’t want to draw more attention to herself. Candace looked around for the other girls and didn’t see them. I’m a moron for even coming in, she thought to herself.

Whisper Lingerie store meetings were like any store meeting in the retail world--a pointless waste of two hours, during which the store managers regurgitated the same information about store policy and merchandise sell points, and discussed the "re-launch" of products the store already carried. After attending one, Candace always wondered why she bothered to show up. She supposed it was because she was afraid of getting fired if she didn’t, although part of her doubted that. There was one associate, Frida, who hadn’t shown up for a record-breaking five store meetings, and she was still working there. However, Candace didn’t want to take that chance, because even though she hated her job, it was still a way to pay the bills. And, being a college student, she couldn’t be picky about her job situation.

On the television, the model said something about looking like an angel in the bra she was wearing, winked, and walked away from her audience into blackness. Amanda switched off the TV.

"Any questions?" she stared hard at Candace, who concentrated on a light spot in the carpet near where she was sitting. Nobody said a word.

"Well, then," began Amanda. "To help you better sell the Perky Push-Up bra, you’re all getting one for free. Wear it, get a feel for it, then tell the customers about it." She held up what their free bra would look like--a deep blue cabbage slingshot.

"You’ve got to be kidding me," Candace muttered under her breath. That would go with absolutely nothing she owned.

"What was that, Candi?" Amanda asked.

Candace cringed at the nickname. "I can’t wait to try it," she said.

"Oh. Well, when you hear your bra size, come up."

The girls began to mingle with one another, waiting for their free bras. Jen bolted over to Candace.

"What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Candace retorted.

"Free bra," Jen said. "You?"

"Bullshit sense of responsibility."

"You’re a loser."

"Me?" Candace responded. "At least I didn’t come here just for some bra that doesn’t go with anything in my wardrobe. How are you feeling?"

"What do you think? And, for your information, I happen to have a pair of panties in that exact color."

"32C!"

"Me! I mean, that’s mine!" Jen almost knocked over a coworker trying to get her bra.

"Hey, Banks, why you lookin’ so rough?" Candace rolled her eyes. She knew who it was without looking.

A few months before Candace started working there, Whisper Lingerie got into some hot water when a job applicant claimed that the reason she didn’t get hired was because she was gay. To avoid a lawsuit, the company persuaded the applicant to take a six-figure settlement and promised that it would not discriminate against future applicants on the basis of race, religion, sexual orientation or otherwise. And lucky for it, fate provided Whisper Lingerie the chance to make good on the latter almost immediately after the settlement. Bobbi Ross, a walk-in applicant who was also very open about being a lesbian, was hired on the spot. Now Candace didn’t have a problem with homosexuals in general, but she did not like to work with Bobbi. Bobbi was the creepiest person Whisper Lingerie could have picked to work there, and she set her sights on Candace almost immediately. She convinced herself that Candace was gay--Candace had no idea how she came to that conclusion, and was more than a little disturbed by it--and no matter how much Candace argued that she was straight, or talked about hot guys she saw in the mall/her classes/in magazines, Bobbi never wavered on her conviction.

"Hi, Bobbi, what’s going on?"

Bobbi swaggered up to Candace, a smug grin on her face. "More like what’s been going on with you?" Her wrinkled white tank top and baggy jeans suggested that she herself had just rolled out of bed.

"Went out last night. For my birthday."

"With?"

"Jen and some other girls from work." Just then Jen came back, triumphantly carrying her blue bra. Her smile faded when she saw Bobbi.

"Bobbi, what do you want?" she asked.

"Just catching up with Candace here," replied Bobbi. "Candace, you should have gone out with me. I’d have shown you a good time."

"For God’s sake, Bobbi, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m not gay?" Candace asked.

"You know, you should never try your hand at theater," Bobbi said, still wearing that smug smile. "You’re a horrible actress."

"Bobbi, get lost," Jen said. "She definitely prefers sausage, if you know what I mean. Quit being an ass."

"Whatever," Bobbi said, and walked away.