Anticipatory Grief

"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." ~ Kahlil Gibran

Anticipatory grief is a feeling of loss before death of a loved one or occurrence of any dreadful event. It is particularly relevant to those who have received a terminal diagnosis and are about to die in a specific period of time. When someone we love and care about is given a terminal illness, we become painfully aware of the fragility of life and start wondering how uncertain life is. It somehow changes the very structure of our existence, bears away our control and our desire to hope and plan for the future. Moreover, living in expectation of death and counting down the days to the given time of demise with dawn of each day can make us experience many of the symptoms and emotions of the grief one suffers due to demise of a closed one.

Many will describe it as a normal process but the fact is, life is far from normal for those who are going through it. Shock, denial, anger, emotional stress, helplessness, sorrow and depression are some common emotions experienced by a person going through an anticipatory grief. A sense of surrealism and an inability to fit back into the pattern of life are a few common fears that the person develops which make him/her completely helpless and uncertain about what to do. Bouts of crying when alone or holding your tears back to be strong for your loved one, can actually be very stressful and emotionally exhausting. But as it is said, one has to move on, no matter whatever happens, here are some care plans for all those who are unfortunately going through this tough condition.

Dealing with Anticipatory Grief

As it is said, "a sudden death hits you like an explosion, and sends you into shock, but a slow decline arrives more like a glacier, massive and unstoppable, grinding you down", hence, dealing with an anticipatory grief gets difficult with each passing day.

Cry: Holding your tears back or putting on a brave face to look strong for your loved one, family or children will surely be a great emotional support to them but will not possibly help you. The roller coaster of emotions that you are experiencing inside needs to come out, hence do not stop yourself from crying as this will somehow give you an emotional release.

Share Your Feelings: From our childhood, we have been taught 'sharing is caring', so talk to your friends and share your emotions with them as this will make you feel light inside and the support and love you will get from them will help you to face those tough situations with a strong and better perception.

Counseling: In case, you feel shy, reluctant or do not want to bother your friends with your personal problems, you can consult a counselor. Besides listening and comforting you, the anticipatory grief counseling will also provide you with some effective methods to deal with the grief before and even after the loss and will help you to resume the same life you had prior to the diagnosis.

Develop New Interests: Although during that time, one likes to spend time alone and moan for your loved one, the thought of doing some things new will never come to your mind. But believe me friends, keeping yourself occupied by joining half day cooking classes, a book or health club, or going for daily walks with a couple of friends will definitely help to overcome the pain and sorrow up to some extend.

Writing Diary: When all these above given methods do not prove to be helpful, then the most simplest of all is to pen down your emotions, fears and uncertainties about life in a diary. You can wrote it down daily in the form of poetry or short stories. This will help you to know yourself better and how you have come through those crucial, traumatic time with strength and perseverance of not giving up.

Anticipatory grief is normal and sometime or the other everyone goes through it. The brighter side of it is that somehow it prepares both you and your loved one for the end of the life. Make the best out of each moment by spending quality as well as quantity time with your loved one, and focusing on the positives, like forgiveness, settling affairs, praying, meditation, and helping your loved one make plans for their passing.