Anger Management Techniques for Children

5-year-old Sara was quietly sitting and making a drawing of her favorite fruits and vegetables. Her little 2 and a half-year old sister Annabelle, came and tried adding some more color to the drawings her elder sister made. She used a bright red sketch pen and scribbled all over the drawing sheet. This made Sara very upset and she hit her little sister right across her cheek. The little one surprised and startled by the aggressive behavior of her sister, retaliated with a slap on Sara's cheek. This further enraged Sara and she began hitting her baby sister. This led to a free for all fight and by the time their mother arrived from the kitchen, the two were tearing out each other's hair!

This is a form of anger, an aggressive emotion used as a response to danger and self-expression for children. Sara hit little Annabelle as her way of declaring, she crossed her limits and was fit for a punishment. Annabelle hit back at Sara as her response to danger, that is, aggressiveness on part of her sister. Thus, both ended up hitting, biting, fighting as a form of self-expression. Many children in the kindergarten age begin to hold back their impulsive feelings and school going children show subtle aggressive emotions like whining and sulking.

Why Do Children Get Angry?
Just as adults, children too get angry and express their emotions by kicking, punching and breaking anything in sight. Parents think of this as a behavioral problem and try to discipline them with a light spanking or giving some sort of punishment. They do not realize that their kid is angry as they can't find any reason that will make their kids angry. But, kids have a lot to be angry about. The first thing for them to be angry is not getting to do what they want. They do not understand the adult world and feel claustrophobic, due to the many dos and don'ts. They cannot express themselves well and feel they have to be dependent on their parents for everything. This makes them feel helpless, frustrated and makes them angry.

Did you know, not only kids but the unborn child in the womb also experiences anger? The fully developed fetus can experience displeasure and frustration and therefore, be born with the feelings of anger. When anger does not find an outlet, it tends to build up inside the minds of the children. Thus, any minor day-to-day incident, like Annabelle scribbling over the drawing sheet, triggered the feelings of anger in Sara. She let off the steam built up inside on her baby sister as she found her to be weaker and smaller than herself. This response was tremendous than what one would have expected. But, it was her way out to release the anger inside her.

Children are young and they have difficulty in understanding their emotions. They are not able to control their feelings of anger and develop negative emotions. They express these negative emotions in various ways and one cannot wait for an aggressive behavior to happen before understanding the anger build up within the child. You may find the kid is rude, uses abusive language, ignores his or her parents, always picks up fights with children in school, etc. You may also find the child starts banging his head on the wall or stops eating or breaks toys when upset. The kid does not follow the rules set up by the parents and teachers, stops talking to his friends and his progress at schools takes a dip. These are all indications of anger within the child and the child is in serious need of anger management techniques. The following anger management tips for children will help you help your child take control of his/her emotions.

Anger Management Techniques for Kids
There are many anger management techniques for kids that will help your kids control their tempers, especially when in public. You need to show the child that he/she is developing feelings of anger by making them feel their pounding heart, heavy breathing and feelings of getting warm. In case of Sara, her mother should explain to the child her uncontrolled behavior by saying , 'I can see that you are feeling very angry'. This helps the child recognize the situations that make her angry like Annabelle scribbling, or some other kid grabbing her toy, her parents not able to fulfill her exciting plan or getting a punishment for something that was not her fault. The parents should help the kid realize when he/she feels like kicking or hitting or screaming.

When your kid begins to understand the feelings of anger, the next anger management technique for a child is helping to control and manage anger. This is not an easy task and requires adults to follow anger management techniques for parents. Anger management techniques for kids may take a toll on parents, as the child may behave in a difficult way. Therefore, it is very important to follow anger management techniques for parents and set an example to kids. When the parent is angry, show the child that he/she has done something to upset you. The important lesson to be taught here is recognizing the feeling of anger, controlling the impulse to lash out and finding a constructive solution. When parents fail to follow these simple rules of anger management techniques for parents, they demonstrate the child that their aggressive anger is valid. Thus, parents should admit their mistakes and show humility that will make them also learn to follow suit.

You should not ask the child to stifle their feelings and not let them out. This leads to a pent-up of anger, that may explode in certain embarrassing situations or keep festering inside the child till it develops into a different form of psychological problem. The basic anger management tips for kids is to make them understand, resorting to an aggressive behavior will not help them achieve what they want? Teach your child the following anger management tips for kids to master the control of their emotions.

Anger Management Tips for Kids
The following anger management tips for kids will prove to be of help to you.

• The first step involves separating the child from the person they are hurting. In case of Sara and Annabelle, their mother should first stop the kids from fighting. Then ask, Sara to leave the room and get away from hurting Annabelle. This will help Sara remember in future, that when she feels like hitting her younger sister or breaking something, she should immediately leave the room and get involved in some other productive activity.
• Next, teach the child to use some strategies that will help calm down their nerves. You can ask the child to take in deep breaths or have a glass of water. They can start singing or playing their favorite game. This helps reduce the physical signs of anger.
• Ask the child to think before acting. Show the child, vengeance is not the way out and there are other worthwhile things to be done. In Sara's case, the mother should explain Annabelle too was trying to help her color and has not ruined her hard work. She can still put up the drawing on the refrigerator and show daddy how she and Annabelle made this wonderful picture together.
• The next anger management tips for kids involves development of empathy. Children as young as 3 years of age can develop empathy and understand the other person's point of view. For example, Sara's mom can explain Sara that Annabelle could not draw so beautifully like she had and tried to help her out by coloring the picture. Annabelle should be made to understand that her sister had put in a lot of effort in the drawing and her coloring the picture without Sara's permission has spoiled the picture a little.
• You should provide the child with other possible solutions and come to a point where all are happy with the decisions taken. In case of Sara, she should be told that after she finishes her drawing, she can help Annabelle with her picture and Annabelle should be told to let Sara finish her drawing first.

Anger Management Techniques for Kids in case of Physical Aggression
When the child resorts to physical fight to vent out his or her anger, then this behavior should be used to help them master their feelings of aggression by:

• Immediately separating out the two parties fighting and hitting each other. You should assure them that they are safe and should control their impulse to protect themselves.
• The next anger management technique is to set the limits firmly. Make the child know you are in charge and will not tolerate any form of hitting. If they do not stop hitting, then you will make them stop it.
• Make the children understand that their actions will lead to consequences. Till they do not learn to stay together without hurting each other, they can't play together.
• You should help the children understand their guilt and make them apologize for their bad behavior. They should be made to understand that they are not bad people and can learn to behave better. Thus, forgive them when they are guilty and apologize.

Anger Management Activities for Children
You can try some anger management games for children, to help them control their anger. Anger management activities for children like 'out of control' can be played with a group of 15 children. Out of control is a great game, especially for anger management techniques for students. This anger management game for kids helps them play the game with a rule that they have no control or use of their feelings experienced during the game. This anger management activities for kids is for those who cannot control their anger when things do not go according to their plans. In this game, the kids are shown a table full of wrapped prizes. They are said that they will be given a dice and rolling a double will help them win a prize. If they miss, their chance is gone. They can continue the dice throwing round till all the gifts on the table are won. In the end, few will have gifts and some may have none. Then, comes the second part of the game. Now set a timer for 10 minutes and ask the children to throw a double on the dice and the one who gets it can take the prize from any kid who had won it in the first part. Once the timer goes off, end the game. Then ask the children, how did they feel when they could not find luck on their side. Ask them if they felt angry when they lost what they had won or failed to roll a double. If they did, then what did they do to control it. There are many other similar anger management techniques for students that help them control their feelings of anger.

Teens today are under a lot of pressure due to high expectations from parents, study pressure, trying to maintain their image in front of friends, etc. Many kids fall prey to substance abuse and alcohol abuse that leads to other mental troubles. Therefore, they tend to get more frustrated and develop anger. Teens who find they are experiencing frequent anger outbursts, should seek help and try some anger management techniques for youth. Parents should also keep an eye on these anger outburst and help their teens follow some anger management techniques for youth.

Many times anger is a cry for help that most parents overlook. If you find that the child continues with these outburst, then you should look deeper for answers. Is your child feeling threatened by somebody, or are your fights with your spouse giving rise to a disturbed behavior in the child. Is he having trouble learning at school or socializing skills need to be brushed up? If you are faced with these frequent anger tantrums in your child, speak to a pediatrician or counselor for help. It is very important to calm a hot temper in child, as a violent nature will lead to many problems as it would have done in the case of an adult. Seek help from child specialist and follow the anger management techniques for children advised. Remember, anger management is important as you should not let anger control your child, instead help the child control the anger.