The experts say it happens one step at a time. Today a little unsolved anger that gives an invitation to the enemy - the devil - and you go to sleep without solving the issue; tomorrow another thing comes and step by step the little scratch becomes a huge and deep abyss that seems impossible to pass.
Bible's recipe for solving anger is simple: when it comes - because it will eventually come - deal with it and don't let the sun go down on it. Now this is very difficult if you were not used to such an approach, but when you look at the outcome of ignoring this good advice, you will agree that it is worth pursuing peace.
Therefore, you first have to see that solving the problem when it first comes out is indeed the best way to resolve a situation because the longer it hangs in there unsolved, the bigger and heavier it gets. For instance I have to admit I am not good at this...not yet at least, I tend to use the "silence treatment" at first and I do that sometimes in an attempt to keep the peace but I saw that on the long run, the issue that was not dealt with, will not evaporate, on the contrary, it gets rooted on the inside and eventually forgotten but only until another situation comes that fills the cup and then all explodes into pieces.
Right but how can this be solved?
Getting away from a wrong approach to doing the right thing is not always easy yet it is very healthy! For instance, start by talking when you are not upset. It is always the bigger person who does all it takes to make things right that's why one of the two has to be the initiator of the process. When both agree on it, it is great, yet you might have to demonstrate it for a while until the seeds of kindness and patience you seed get rooted in your partner's heart.
It however takes a commitment from both parts that you should not go to bed with the issues unsolved. You might not feel like it but remember that if you don't solve them, you simply invite the evil one to implant his thoughts in your mind and harden your heart towards your partner.
This happens due to the fact that where anger takes over, there is no more room for tenderness, intimacy and optimism, what's more, the accumulated anger gets heavier and heavier to the point where the partners don't even want to touch the problematic issue:"No, don't get into this subject, I don't want to discuss this". If you have several painful subjects like this, avoiding them will not solve the problem, on the contrary, it deepens the gap.
So, once you've decided upon not going to bed with unsolved issues, it doesn't mean that you can fight all day and then all things will be all right at bet time. This process has to actually start when you are both calm and can affirm one another, can avoid criticizing the other and telling your complaints in a positive manner. For instance, avoid accusations and judgments such as:"You are mean, you said that just to hurt me!" You might be right or you might be wrong. Because you know your partner and you know you are right you shouldn't forget about respect. So a good way of expressing your objection is to refer at yourself:" When you said that, it made me feel rejected...etc."Talking about how you feel is a great way to avoid criticism toward your partner and you will surely taste the sweet fruit of that!
If you think that the love is gone, take note that the love between the partners does not evaporate, it is simply buried under all those unsolved problems and once the problems are dealt with, the two can enjoy their love more, reaching even higher levels of intensity.
Yes, there is hope for every marriage however in this process it is not to neglect the very source of real love: God. When you have God on your side you have THE ONE who invented marriage in the first place and He wants to bless it and He wants you to enjoy it as much as possible. That's why it is crucial to ask for help from Him, He is the only ONE entitled to give real support in this process. Start by checking what the Bible has to say about this subject, go to a good Bible based Church and don't forget that the more problems you solve, the easier it gets to go on and solve even more. The rainwater that produces floods comes in drops. It is the same with solving problems, one drop at the time will get the job done. Be committed, ask God for help and you will do just fine and grow to new love levels in your marriage.
Bible's recipe for solving anger is simple: when it comes - because it will eventually come - deal with it and don't let the sun go down on it. Now this is very difficult if you were not used to such an approach, but when you look at the outcome of ignoring this good advice, you will agree that it is worth pursuing peace.
Therefore, you first have to see that solving the problem when it first comes out is indeed the best way to resolve a situation because the longer it hangs in there unsolved, the bigger and heavier it gets. For instance I have to admit I am not good at this...not yet at least, I tend to use the "silence treatment" at first and I do that sometimes in an attempt to keep the peace but I saw that on the long run, the issue that was not dealt with, will not evaporate, on the contrary, it gets rooted on the inside and eventually forgotten but only until another situation comes that fills the cup and then all explodes into pieces.
Right but how can this be solved?
Getting away from a wrong approach to doing the right thing is not always easy yet it is very healthy! For instance, start by talking when you are not upset. It is always the bigger person who does all it takes to make things right that's why one of the two has to be the initiator of the process. When both agree on it, it is great, yet you might have to demonstrate it for a while until the seeds of kindness and patience you seed get rooted in your partner's heart.
It however takes a commitment from both parts that you should not go to bed with the issues unsolved. You might not feel like it but remember that if you don't solve them, you simply invite the evil one to implant his thoughts in your mind and harden your heart towards your partner.
This happens due to the fact that where anger takes over, there is no more room for tenderness, intimacy and optimism, what's more, the accumulated anger gets heavier and heavier to the point where the partners don't even want to touch the problematic issue:"No, don't get into this subject, I don't want to discuss this". If you have several painful subjects like this, avoiding them will not solve the problem, on the contrary, it deepens the gap.
So, once you've decided upon not going to bed with unsolved issues, it doesn't mean that you can fight all day and then all things will be all right at bet time. This process has to actually start when you are both calm and can affirm one another, can avoid criticizing the other and telling your complaints in a positive manner. For instance, avoid accusations and judgments such as:"You are mean, you said that just to hurt me!" You might be right or you might be wrong. Because you know your partner and you know you are right you shouldn't forget about respect. So a good way of expressing your objection is to refer at yourself:" When you said that, it made me feel rejected...etc."Talking about how you feel is a great way to avoid criticism toward your partner and you will surely taste the sweet fruit of that!
If you think that the love is gone, take note that the love between the partners does not evaporate, it is simply buried under all those unsolved problems and once the problems are dealt with, the two can enjoy their love more, reaching even higher levels of intensity.
Yes, there is hope for every marriage however in this process it is not to neglect the very source of real love: God. When you have God on your side you have THE ONE who invented marriage in the first place and He wants to bless it and He wants you to enjoy it as much as possible. That's why it is crucial to ask for help from Him, He is the only ONE entitled to give real support in this process. Start by checking what the Bible has to say about this subject, go to a good Bible based Church and don't forget that the more problems you solve, the easier it gets to go on and solve even more. The rainwater that produces floods comes in drops. It is the same with solving problems, one drop at the time will get the job done. Be committed, ask God for help and you will do just fine and grow to new love levels in your marriage.
