Angels - Part Nine to Eleven

Part Nine

Amber had eventually settled down and now she sat next to me on a dry log that we had found, glaring at Mutatta, Solomon and Noel. Zane was on my other side also glaring at them. They were like twins.
Noel walked over to us and sat on the ground in front of me.
"I spoke to them both and they said that they are sorry, but given the circumstances the thought they didn't have any other choice." Noel said, looking at us three.
"Didn't have any choice! He could've -" Amber started screaming at Noel before I put my hand over her mouth.

"And?" I replied.
"And Mutatta said that he will help you, but if you can't get it, then he can't do anymore." Noel replied. I knew that she meant that he was going to try me, and if I couldn't get it by the time he wanted me to have it, then he wasn't going to go out of his way and help me. Or any of us.
"What does she mean by that?" Zane asked, looking at me.
"Oh. Um, Mutatta reckons he can help me get my control over the elements again." I replied quietly, looking down at the ground.

I knew I should've told Zane, but I knew that if I did that he would think I was nuts and leave them all behind. But Mutatta was my last chance. I needed to get my elemental powers back or I would just die. It wasn't the same being some stupid human. Being a human was pointless. You feel weak and powerless, like there isn't anything that you can do. You don't have any powers and you blend in with each other.
Angels were different. We all acted different, dressed differently, spoke differently, and most importantly, we had powers.

We could do some amazing things with our power, and each power was slightly different from everyone else's. We had our own style that we used our magic and honestly, that was the best part. Without my powers, I would be a nobody.
"No. He can't. Once you have lost your wings, you can never get your powers back again." Zane said. It was like he didn't want me to get them back.
"No. He can. He doesn't have wings and look at what he can do. Look at what he did to Amber! He can control things that no one with wings could, not easily. I want to get my powers back. I want to be like I used to be before I met you guys. Before you killed any chance I had of surviving by myself. I want to be me." I replied. He was being an asshole. Couldn't he see what this meant to me?

"Ash, nothing can get your powers back. Nothing at all." He replied.
"NO! That's where you're wrong! He can help me, and there isn't anything that you can do about it." I replied before storming off into the trees.
"ASH! WAIT!" Zane yelled at me. He must've gotten up and started to go off after me, because I heard Amber tell him that I would come back when I was ready.
It was the nicest thing she had ever said about me.
But I didn't care about any of that right now, all I wanted to do was find somewhere I could sit and think. I needed to sort things out.

If Zane truly cared about me, he would help me try to get my powers back. If he cared about me at all, just one tiny little bit, then he would try to help me. Couldn't he see that I needed this? I couldn't be a mere human; I need to be an angel. I need it. It was the one thing that kept me alive this whole time, my powers. And without them I was useless. If it hadn't been for my powers, then there is no way that I would be alive right now.
I walked over to a tree and sat underneath it. If it started to rain then the leaves from the tree would stop most of it from soaking me. Hopefully.

As soon as I sat down I realized just how tired I really was. I had been walking for hours, and I had only just gotten out of hospital and I could still feel the meds that they had given me. I was exhausted. I closed my eyes for just a second and just sat there, breathing in the air. No one would bother to come looking for me for at least an hour or two, I figured.
But before I could do any more I drifted off to sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part Ten

I dreamt about my family. It was my little brothers 10th birthday. We had gone to the park and had a picnic there and spent all day there and didn't leave till 9 o'clock. It had been one of the best days I had with my family. But something was different this time. I tried to walk towards my family and they ran away. Is this a joke? I tried to reach out to them again but they ran away from me screaming at me to go away. What had I done wrong? Everything went gray and the park morphed into my old house. We were all sitting around laughing like we had the night the Trackers had come. But this time I was the one knocking on the door. My Uncle tried to fend me off, but I shoved him and then I realized what was happening. I was a Tracker. I killed my family and laughed at their attempt to stop me.

I kept stabbing them all and then I grabbed their bodies one by one and dragged them out to the street. I lined them up on the road one by one and I tore the clothes off them, leaving them lying there in the street dead with only their underwear to cover them. I grabbed my sister by her hair and dragged her up so she was resting against me. She still wore the same horrified expression she had when I had killed her. I slashed at her wings and tore them to shreds, leaving her coated in feathers and blood. Then I slashed at her face, ruining it. Then I did the same to my mum, this time more slowly and hard, trying to cause her as much pain as I could even though she was dead. Then my Dad, stabbing him in the stomach repeatedly until his intestines rolled out onto the road, coating him in even more blood. Then I grabbed my little brother and stabbed him in the chest, avoiding all of his ribs and piercing his heart. His blood ran everywhere, but that wasn't enough for me. I couldn't stop there. I grabbed his arm and started to hack away at his fingers, slicing through the bone with my bloodstained knife. His finger fell to the ground with a little thuck! Into the pool of my families blood.

I woke screaming with tears streaming down my cheeks. I curled into a ball and looked at my hands in the moonlight, turning them over. It felt like the blood was still on them. I couldn't wipe it off.

I sat there for what felt like hours just curled in a ball trying to wipe off the imaginary blood from my hands. I felt like I was losing my mind. And there wasn't anything I could do about it. It wouldn't go away. The blood was still there. I could feel it. I couldn't see it, my eyes were lying to me. Trying to trick me into thinking I didn't have my family's blood all over my hands.

The blood was spreading along my arms, I could feel it. I started to claw at them trying to scratch it away. I just kept clawing at my arms, raking my fingernails up and down my arms and hands. I could hear footsteps coming towards me, but I didn't care. I just sat there in a ball trying to claw the blood off me. Someone tried to pull my arms apart, but I just shoved them away from me and kept clawing. They tried again and tried to talk to me, but I couldn't hear them. All I could hear was my family screaming. All I could see was the blood all over my hands and their dead bodies lying on the ground right in front of me.

I felt some dust fall over me and started to feel drowsy again. I didn't want to fall asleep again. I didn't want to kill them again. I tried to fight the drowsiness, but it was too much. Everything went black and my body went numb.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

When I woke up my arms were bandaged and I was curled up in a ball under Zane's jacket, the memories of my nightmare were still fresh.
I rubbed my eyes and tried to blink. Everything was blurry.
"She's awake." I heard a female voice say. I knew it, the voice. But I was still a bit drowsy and couldn't place it.
"Thank God. I thought maybe I had used too much." A male replied. Someone else I knew. But who?
"Yeah. Well she was in a bad state when you found her. You're lucky you did though. She could've been dead if you had found her later." The girl replied. Noel. It was Noel.
Someone's hands reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it lightly.
"You're okay now?" The male asked me. It was Zane.

I tried to reply and tell him that I was fine, but all that came out was a series of grunts.
I opened my eyes and took in his face. He looked worried and tired. Very tired. Like he hadn't slept in a day or two.
I looked around to see where I was but I couldn't recognize it. I was in a tent, but it wasn't one of the ones that Amber, Zane or I had been using. Maybe it was one of Noels?
"Drink this. It will make you feel better. If you feel anything like how you look, then you must feel like crap." Amber said. I hadn't realized she was in the tent too, she must've been sitting in the corner when I had a quick look.

I didn't even care that she had just insulted me, I just took the drink and swallowed it all. I almost gagged on the taste. It smelt like old feet and the taste wasn't any better, it was all bitter and bubbly.
"Wharr-iss-thiss?" I asked, my words slurring together. I sounded like I was drunk and my head killed. It was like I had drunk my weight in alcohol and now I was feeling the after effects.

"It's just a recipe that my teacher handed down to me. It's supposed to cure stuff like this." Amber replied turning away and putting the cup back into the bag.
"Amber, Noel. Thanks, but I think I should be fine with Ash now." Zane said. It was a subtle order for them to get out the tent. Looks like he was going to ask me what happened now.
I was kind of hoping that Amber would ignore him and he wouldn't ask me. But they both took the hint and left me alone with Zane.

He turned to me and looked at me for a second, and then decided I wasn't going to run so he was beside me. I looked up at him and pulled myself up, wincing as the cuts on my arms started to hurt. He looked at me and had that look on his face that said that he was worried. I shook my head before he tried to help me and I dragged myself right next to him and rested my head on his shoulder.
"What happened out there?" Zane asked me.
I didn't reply and he looked at me. I could sense that he was genuinely worried about me.
"I fell asleep. That's all." I replied. I didn't want to lie to him, but if I told him I knew I was going to relive what happened.

"Ash, when I found you, you were tearing yourself apart. There was blood all over you. I tried to stop you and you shoved me away. I had to knock you out so I could get you here. Don't tell me that you only fell asleep because you know that isn't what happened." He replied.
I looked down and closed my eyes for a second as a tear started to well up in my eye.
"I don't know." I whispered back.
The tear escaped through my eye lashes and Zane tilted my head up.
"You have to tell me. I want to help you, but you need to tell me what happened." He replied.
I knew the truth in his words. I knew that I should just tell him, but if I told him what had happened, that would make it that little bit more real.

"Please Ash. I want to help you, I want to make things all better for you. I really do, but I need to know what happened." Zane replied.
Another tear escaped my eyes and I looked up to his face, right into his eyes. I could see the hurt in them, and I was causing it. He really wanted to help me.
"I don't know. I think I fell asleep and then." I replied. It was too hard, I couldn't tell him. "Then I don't know." I continued lamely.
I curled up so I was hugging my legs but kept my head resting on Zane.

"Look, I know you don't want to tell me, " Zane replied gently, "but I need to know so I can fix it. I want to help you Ash, I want to make things right for you. I don't want you to be like this, I want you to be happy. I want you to be like you were before. I don't want to see you like this. It hurts me Ash."
I looked up at him and watched him wipe away a tear. Me not telling him was killing him. I had to tell him. I had to.

But I couldn't.
I dragged myself over to the other side of the tent and I turned away so that my back was facing him.
Zane sat there for a moment more and got up and started to walk out of the tent but stopped.
"We are leaving in two days. With or without you." Zane replied before he continued to walk out.
I tucked my head in between my knees and started crying.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part Eleven

I didn't stop crying till I had completely ran out of tears, and by then it had gone dark again, telling me I had spent the whole day crying. Now I was just lying on the tent floor feeling numb. All I could think about was that dream, and what I had done to Zane.
I shouldn't have hurt him like that. It wasn't fair. He just wanted to help me, but I wouldn't let him. But what happened scared me. It scared me right to the bone. I couldn't tell him yet. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe if I could stop this numb state I was in I would be able to think better.
But the numb feeling kept the pain and the nightmares away. The numb state I was in was keeping me sane right now. I need this numb state.
Maybe tomorrow I would tell Zane.
Maybe.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up chocking on a scream and covered in sweat with tears running down my face.
I had the dream again, but this time it was more real than before. This time I killed everyone I met. I killed my family, Zane, Amber, Noel, Solomon and Mutatta. And after I killed them I devoured them.
I had to find them and make sure that it wasn't real. I had to make sure that I wasn't a killer.
I walked outside the tent that I had spent the last few days in and I walked over to the next tent. It looked like one of ours. I unzipped it just enough to see in and pocked my head in. Amber was sleeping next to Noel. Thank god. I hadn't killed them. But I had to check on the others.

I walked around the fire that was still going, surprisingly, but I had better things to worry about than a fire that was still alive.
"If you're looking for Mutatta and Solomon, they're in the other tent." A male voice whispered, breaking the silence of the night.
I jumped and choked back a scream, looking around wildly trying to find who had spoken.
I spotted them by the fire, sitting on a log. That would be why the fire was still going.
I walked up to the fire so I could see their face. Zane. It was Zane. He must've been on guard duty or something. Making sure that no one and nothing was going to attack us while we slept.

I sat on the log next to him and put my hands next to the fire, trying to warm up my hands. I hadn't notices just how cold it was outside.
Zane copied me and started to warm his hands up by the fire as well.
"When you want to tell me, you can. But you need to know, I need to know what happened to you. I need to know soon. I want to help you, but the longer that you hold this off and don't tell me, the worse it's going to get." Zane replied.

I knew he was right and that I had to tell him right now.
I took in a breath and started to tell him.
"I don't know what happened. I needed to get away from everyone and sort everything out. I sat down under a tree and started to fall asleep. And then I had a nightmare, I guess." I mumbled back.

I looked down at my feet.
"You had a nightmare? That was it?" Zane replied. He looked at me and hid a smile behind his hand, disguising it as a cough.
"No. I don't know. It was more than a nightmare. It was real. I was a tracker. I killed my family, I killed everyone. I killed you." I replied back, chocking up on the end.
I looked back down to my feet and felt a tear escape my eyelashes.
Zane tilted my head up with his hand and looked me right in the eyes.
"Ash. I'm not dead. And you didn't kill your family. You aren't a Tracker. You never were and you never will be." Zane replied firmly, looking me right in the eye the entire time.
I couldn't believe him. It was so real. I felt them die in my hands. I tasted their blood. I killed them.

I looked down and started to cry. I don't know why, I just did. Zane pulled me onto his lap and pushed my head onto his chest hugging me tightly and whispering in my ear, telling me that everything was fine.
I cried in his arms and he sat there hugging me and whispering in my ear that everything was fine.
We sat like that the whole night, and eventually I fell asleep in his arms.
The last thing I remember is Zane carrying me back to the tent and laying me on the floor, kissing my head and telling me that he loved me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

When I woke I wasn't sure if last night was real or another dream. It felt real. But so did the nightmares.
I walked outside the tent rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and stretching.
"Finally, Sleeping Princess awakes." Noel replied, smiling at me.
I smiled back and walked over to the now dead fire and sat on the log that Zane and I had last night.
I was starving and it was starting to feel like my stomach was going to eat itself if I didn't eat soon.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked. I didn't care what it was, right now I just wanted food.
"Bacon and eggs." Noel replied passing me a plate.
Normally I wouldn't eat either because they make me sick, but right now I was willing to risk it. It felt like I hadn't eaten in weeks, not a day.
I shoveled as much food as I could into my mouth and hewed it quickly, burning my mouth. Right now I didn't care though. I was starving and there was food in front of me, that's all I cared about.

"Very lady-like." Amber said as she sat down next to me.
"Mmmmph rmmmrph shppfff." I replied trying to speak with half the plate of food in my mouth.
Noel laughed and rolled her eyes at me but I didn't care. I just wanted food.
Once I had finished my plate of food I started to regret scoffing all my food in. I was feeling like crap. It was like I had just eaten a ton of lead. I felt like I was going to be sick If I ate anymore, but I didn't care. Being sick like this sure beat being hungry.
"Where's Zane?" I asked.
"Oh, he's gone for a walk by the waterfall. Just follow that path." Noel replied pointing to a path between the trees.

I followed the path for about ten minutes and then all the trees cleared and I was suddenly facing a giant waterfall with the clearest looking water I had ever seen.
But it wasn't the waterfall that amazed me, even though it looked beautiful, it was Zane. There he was swimming in the water. And with a majority of his clothes sitting on a rock, it looked like there weren't many pieces of clothing left on him.
I was tempted to strip down to my underwear and swim over to him, but I wasn't sure where we sat after last night.
I spent almost all of last night in his arms crying. And then he carried me back and kissed me on the head and told me he loved me.
I turned around and started to walk back into the trees, heading back towards the others.
"Wait! Ash!" Zane yelled at me.

I stopped right where I was standing and didn't turn around. I could hear him coming towards me but I didn't want to turn around. I knew I would betray myself if I did.
So I stood there waiting for him, my back facing him.
And then I felt his hand grab mine and pull me towards the water. I turned around and started to scream at him to let me go but he wouldn't. Zane just picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I screamed and laughed, trying to get him to let go, but he wouldn't
Zane waded into the water and threw me in, fully dressed.
I screamed and kept laughing. Even though I was soaked through, this was the most fun I was having in ages.

"Asshole!" I yelled at him.
Zane just looked at me and laughed back.
"I'm all wet now!" I yelled back.
"So am I." Zane replied.
I laughed and waded back to the shore and tore my shirt, shoes and pants off, throwing them onto a rock that was bathed by the sun. Maybe they would dry soon.
But right now I had more important things to worry about than wet clothes. I ran back into the water and jumped onto Zane's back, trying to drag him down underwater.
"Now Ash, you really think you can drag me under that easily?" Zane laughed and threw me off his back and swam away so he was under the waterfall.

I swam after him and once I was right under the waterfall I didn't want to leave. It felt amazing to swim under a waterfall and have the water fall on me softly.
"You like this place?" Zane asked me.
"It's beautiful." I whispered back throwing my head back and tasting some of the water.
Zane swam over to me and pushed me up against the rocks, pinning me there. I couldn't move even if I wanted to.
His face was inches away from mine.
"Ash..." Zane whispered.
"Zane, are you sure -" I started to reply, but Zane cut me off by kissing me.
And I kissed him back.
"Wait, Zane." I said, cutting off the kiss.

"What Ash?" I could tell he wanted me.
"I need to know. Last night, you said you loved me. Did you mean that?" I asked him.
There was only one right answer.
"Ash. Last night I said that I loved you because-"
"I knew it. You were only saying it." I started to struggle against him, trying to push him away, but Zane was too strong.
"No Ash. Let me finish. I said I loved you last night when you were asleep because I couldn't say it to you. I couldn't tell you I loved you if you didn't love me back. I said it to you last night because you were asleep. Ash, I love you." Zane replied, whispering the last three words.
I wrapped my legs around Zane's waist and kissed him.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

We had walked back up to the 'camp' and now we were sitting on opposite logs pretending that nothing had happened.
"I think we should leave now. It's a bit risky staying here any longer. We are running a risk staying here now as it is." Amber said.
Everyone was discussing whether we should go now or wait until tomorrow like we planned.
"Look, I think we should stay here for tonight for Ash's sake. She should rest one more night before we go anywhere else." Zane replied.

"Yeah, I don't want to leave either. We have a heaps good place here. I think we should stick to our plans and stay until tomorrow and then leave. It's midday already, so we won't be able to get much trekking done today anyway." Noel replied.
"We are running a big risk though. You guys all know that we shouldn't spend too long in one place, and we've spent a few days here already. If there is any Trackers following us, they are going to catch up real soon." Amber replied.
Amber was right. But so was Noel and Zane. Even if we leave right now, we won't get much walking done before we have to set up camp for the night.

"Look. How about we leave first thing tomorrow morning? We get up at sunrise and then leave as soon as we are ready." Zane replied.
"Fine with us." Noel replied.
"Sure. But we have to cover a fair distance tomorrow, so everybody better be ready for it. I hear one complaint and I am going to stab them in the leg and give them something to really complain about." Amber replied walking off.
One thing I was certain about tomorrow, there was no way I was going to complain, Amber looked dead serious.