My Favorite Animals
For some random reason, I wanted to share to you my favorite animals and why. You might not really be interested, but I'm going to cram it down your throat anyway.
For some random reason, I wanted to share to you my favorite animals and why. You might not really be interested, but I'm going to cram it down your throat anyway.
#5: Narwhal
It's a whale with a big spike on its face. Come on, you wish you had an impaling horn. That's reason number one, reason two it's a whale. Whales were, at one time, hunted by entire ships of people armed with some of the most disturbing weapons ever. And you know what? Whales often won.
#4: Scottish Fold Cat
Alright, you are thinking "This guy's fifth favorite animal is a narwhal, so what's next has to be even more badass" right? Not really. Scottish Fold cats are those cats that don't look like they have ears, but they really do. They have a wide variety of facial expressions, which is different than many cats whose normal expressions are either "gluuuuh" and "YOU SON OF A BITCH!".
#3: Cougar
Back on the badass track, we have cougars. Not elderly women looking to score youngerly men, but mountain lions. You see, they're lions, but not where you would expect lions to live. So when you encounter one the first thing going through your head is "IT'S A FUCKING LION!". The next thing going through your head is a paw the size of a soccer ball.
#2: Kodiak Bear
Kodiak bears are to real life as rancor's are to the Star Wars universe. Come on, it's a bear. A BEAR. The only larger bear is the polar bear, which have been ruined by coca cola commercials. Kodiaks live only in certain areas, which have strangely low human populations. Even if humans don't taste good, if I were a bear, I would still eat one just to show them who's boss. Because I am boss.
#1: Brown Bat
My favorite animal, reasons? For one, it uses one of the weirdest ways of navigation ever: echo location. That's like going to a party blindfolded and playing marco polo. Second, they are nocturnal, and as someone told me once "they get to sleep all day and stay up all night". Yeah, that's pretty much how I roll. Third, they're furry, which is weird at first, but then you think "This is like owning a hamster, but my hamster can pick up my friends REAL hamsters and drop them into freeways". I can only hope. And finally, they fly. I kinda said my reasons why this is amazing in my last point, but I'll further emphasize this. Bats can fly. So in other words, bats are to hamsters as dragons are to lizards. Yes, bats are the dragons of the mammal world. Other reasons include their charming faces, they eat insects (Which I hate more than any creature on this planet), and they are excellent conversation starters. I can see it now "Hey there, can I get you a drink" "Is that a bat?" "Why, yes it is" "LET'S HAVE SEX"
#5: Narwhal
It's a whale with a big spike on its face. Come on, you wish you had an impaling horn. That's reason number one, reason two it's a whale. Whales were, at one time, hunted by entire ships of people armed with some of the most disturbing weapons ever. And you know what? Whales often won.
#4: Scottish Fold Cat
Alright, you are thinking "This guy's fifth favorite animal is a narwhal, so what's next has to be even more badass" right? Not really. Scottish Fold cats are those cats that don't look like they have ears, but they really do. They have a wide variety of facial expressions, which is different than many cats whose normal expressions are either "gluuuuh" and "YOU SON OF A BITCH!".
#3: Cougar
Back on the badass track, we have cougars. Not elderly women looking to score youngerly men, but mountain lions. You see, they're lions, but not where you would expect lions to live. So when you encounter one the first thing going through your head is "IT'S A FUCKING LION!". The next thing going through your head is a paw the size of a soccer ball.
#2: Kodiak Bear
Kodiak bears are to real life as rancor's are to the Star Wars universe. Come on, it's a bear. A BEAR. The only larger bear is the polar bear, which have been ruined by coca cola commercials. Kodiaks live only in certain areas, which have strangely low human populations. Even if humans don't taste good, if I were a bear, I would still eat one just to show them who's boss. Because I am boss.
#1: Brown Bat
My favorite animal, reasons? For one, it uses one of the weirdest ways of navigation ever: echo location. That's like going to a party blindfolded and playing marco polo. Second, they are nocturnal, and as someone told me once "they get to sleep all day and stay up all night". Yeah, that's pretty much how I roll. Third, they're furry, which is weird at first, but then you think "This is like owning a hamster, but my hamster can pick up my friends REAL hamsters and drop them into freeways". I can only hope. And finally, they fly. I kinda said my reasons why this is amazing in my last point, but I'll further emphasize this. Bats can fly. So in other words, bats are to hamsters as dragons are to lizards. Yes, bats are the dragons of the mammal world. Other reasons include their charming faces, they eat insects (Which I hate more than any creature on this planet), and they are excellent conversation starters. I can see it now "Hey there, can I get you a drink" "Is that a bat?" "Why, yes it is" "LET'S HAVE SEX"
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