Amusing Quotes

To put in simple words, amusing quotes are fun to read, amuse us (of course!) and probably force us to ponder over some facts which we weren't aware of. Honestly, if you ask me, there is no need to think or ponder over since these quotes and sayings are meant for reading and enjoyment. So, without wasting much of time, let us see some of the best funny quotes and sayings till date.

To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on the back nine. You may not be stronger, but hopefully you're wiser. And if you keep most of your marbles intact, you can add a note of wisdom to the coming generation. ~ Clint Eastwood

If you rest, you rust. ~ Helen Hayes

Life's more amusing than we thought. ~ Andrew Lang

I enjoy life. I think I'll enjoy death even more. ~ Cat Stevens

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine. ~ Flip Wilson

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. ~ Christopher Isherwood

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. ~ Andy Rooney

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. ~ George Carlin

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. ~ Paul Beatty

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. ~ Jack Handey

I always wait for the times each morning. I look at the obituary column and if I'm not in it, I go to work. ~ A.E.Matthews

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. ~ Joey Adams

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it. ~ Les Dawson

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. ~ John Barrymore

It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. ~ Laurence J Peter

You can't buy love on eBay. ~ Anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? ~ Unknown

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. ~ Fulton J. Sheen

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. ~ David Bissonnette

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! ~ Robert Orben

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. ~ Henry Youngman

Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate. ~ Sandra J. Dykes

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? ~ Lily Tomlin

We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work is a four-letter word. ~ Hillary Clinton

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. ~ Demetri Martin

President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs.' ~ Craig Kilborn

Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls aged Nine to Fifteen go to work. Or, as it's called at the Nike factory - Thursday. ~ Bill Maher

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished. ~ Leslie Nielson

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. ~ Slappy White

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. ~ Muhammad Ali

I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. ~ Robert Paul

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. ~ Dennis Miller

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. ~ Jerome K Jerome

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. ~ Elayne Boosler

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. ~ Oscar Wilde

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally of dealing with men. ~ Joseph Conrad

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. ~ Chauncey Mitchell Depew

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. ~ Oscar Wilde

Men who don't like girls with brains don't like girls. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women. ~ Elsa Schiaparelli

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself. ~ Elizabeth Metcalf

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him, they don't like him. ~ Marlene Dietrich

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature. ~ Stephen Stills

It is because of men that women dislike one another. ~ Jean de La Bruyère

Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue. ~ Hermione Gingold

So these were some of the best and the most popular amusing quotes and sayings of all times. I hope you had a nice laugh going through them!