All about Physical Attraction

We are attracted to and desire somebody who has attractive personality, and who likes us in return. Venice’s Casanova was considered the greatest lover in the world, physical gratification was his game, and yet, he was irresistible to women. It was Giovanni’s ability to give completely of himself and of his wallet to the woman he desired, to make her believe he would do anything for her that made him so seductive. He wrote, "I have always believed, that when a man gets it into his head to do something, and when he exclusively occupies himself in that design, he must succeed, whatever the difficulties."

Mate Selection

According to David Buss men are more interested in casual sex, and they prefer younger, more physically attractive partners. Compared with men, women generally prefer older partners who appear to be industrious, higher in status and economically successful. This selection process of mates has roots in evolutionary origins of human behavior patterns where men are seeking healthy, fertile female for reproduction, and women seek males with resources to provide for future family. To Mr. Buss’ conclusions we might add that personality can overrule all of the above.

Psychologist Dr. Nucci explains that attraction starts on the unconscious level, as the time passes the feeling is moderated and mixed with rational thought, and it moves to the conscious. To whom we feel immediate attraction is also influenced by our parents and caregivers. Without realizing it we move towards somebody who reminds us what we first felt as infants around mother or father figure.

Everything has an Expiration Date

Hormones play an important role in attraction. Surprisingly, in females when they are strongly attracted to somebody the level of testosterone rises sharply. In men, under the same condition, the level of testosterone diminishes, and so in passion men and women become more alike. When we feel strong attraction for somebody our brain becomes flooded with dopamine, the substance associated with feeling good. The stimulus for production dopamine, let’s say one particular attraction, will activate dopamine production for only 2-3 years after which the stimulus will have no longer effect. This is your average relationship cycle based on physical attraction.

Cyber Attraction

Is it possible to develop a strong physical attraction to somebody you only talk to online? The research shows that in fact cyber attraction is on the rise. This is due to greater availability of contacts and ease of communication (it is much harder to develop a connection face to face). Online relationships are more spontaneous, because there is no physical contact. With less information available we become intrigued by the mystery of the new online acquaintance, and more readily develop physical attraction. In the same time cyber dating allows us easily to distance ourselves from the person and emotions.